Naptime Nightmare

[Leigh]

Newly 3 yo (last month). New sib at dad's. Recently went to 50/50 custody and spending nights at dad's regularly (he doesn't like it).

It started with needing a different pillow or blanket (a few weeks ago). Escalated to I want to sleep in the living room (last week). Now it is total meltdown at walking into nap room (he says it is scary-he has always slept in this room willingly up until yesterday). I don't know if something happened at Dad's this weekend or what, but he is shrieking as if in terror the moment he enters the nap room. He's been screaming for 20 minutes now.

What could be going on with this kid?

[hwichlaz]

Custody change is really difficult for some kids

The best way to help him through it, is to keep things the same as they have always been at daycare. So that he can trust that things there won't change on him, that this part of his life will stay the same.

Poor little meep.

[Ariana]

Custody change is really difficult for some kids

The best way to help him through it, is to keep things the same as they have always been at daycare. So that he can trust that things there won't change on him, that this part of his life will stay the same.

Poor little meep.

. This kid feels unsafe and when kids get that kind of anxiety (from change) they start trying to control the situation around them by doing things like this. I currentky have a 3 yr old with a lot of anxiety. I gave in to it at first but then I cut the crap and told him one blanket and stuffy at sleep time (no matter how many mom came with). He has been doing great ever since. They need to know that YOU are in control and he will relax. These poor kids carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and having them negotiate and make all the decisions is not healthy for them!

[Cat Herder]

Is he in the nap room alone?

[Leigh]

Is he in the nap room alone?

No-he is with the other nappers over 12 months.

[Leigh]

. This kid feels unsafe and when kids get that kind of anxiety (from change) they start trying to control the situation around them by doing things like this. I currentky have a 3 yr old with a lot of anxiety. I gave in to it at first but then I cut the crap and told him one blanket and stuffy at sleep time (no matter how many mom came with). He has been doing great ever since. They need to know that YOU are in control and he will relax. These poor kids carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and having them negotiate and make all the decisions is not healthy for them!

I didn't give in and let him move. I told him that the nap room is where we take our naps and that he needed to go to sleep. I know that things are VERY different between homes and it is confusing for him. Both parents are good parents, but one is very nurturing and the other is more authoritarian. Both do great with limits and teaching values, it's just that things are so different from one home to the other.

[Leigh]

Custody change is really difficult for some kids

The best way to help him through it, is to keep things the same as they have always been at daycare. So that he can trust that things there won't change on him, that this part of his life will stay the same.

Poor little meep.

I agree that it is related to the custody change. I just am shocked at how he has acted this week! We had misbehavior when 50/50 first started, some swear words, picky eating (he wasn't picky before, now he tells me that his lunch is DISGUSTING! ). He was the sweetest thing before this custody thing started. Things are staying the same here, I hope that helps him in the long run!

[Cat Herder]

Infant new sib or older "new to dcb" sib?

[Leigh]

Infant new sib or older "new to dcb" sib?

new baby-7 months old, but DCB is still adjusting.

[Cat Herder]

Wow. Yeah, that is a lot to adjust to at 3. At any age, really, but 3 is pretty rough. I agree with the rest, stay consistent.

On the bright side, he will be adjusted to 50/50 before going to school.

[Ariana]

I didn't give in and let him move. I told him that the nap room is where we take our naps and that he needed to go to sleep. I know that things are VERY different between homes and it is confusing for him. Both parents are good parents, but one is very nurturing and the other is more authoritarian. Both do great with limits and teaching values, it's just that things are so different from one home to the other.

This definitrly sounds like a recipe for major anxiety. I have had a few kids like this over the years. So sad to see them like this, it breaks my heart. I think I read that the worst time for a divorce is between 2 and 6.