Another Subpoena Post...

[knoxmomof2]

Hi all ☺️ So, I searched through the posts for subpoena topics and read the advice. I'm possibly in a "pre-subpoena" place right now...and I don't even keep the child any more! DCM and DCD were my first clients with DCB 4 years ago. Since then, they've split, both have remarried and both have their new sons in my care.

DCD is being deployed and wants their 50/50 custody for the 5 year old to continue while he's gone. DCM feels that she should have all but EOW with DCB (this is all from DCD). DCD asked me today (while picking up the younger DCB) if I would testify. I told him that all I had to say was that both parents were good parents, I really had nothing to add. I also pointed out that a subpoena would cost me money AND cause me to miss a day of work (including caring for his other son). He knew what I would say and hoped that it would help his case that DCB needed both sides in his life or something. He said he's not sure if DCM intends to include me or not. It sounds like he doesn't intend to pursue it since we've talked.

My question : would you address it preemptively with DCM in order to try to head off a subpoena or wait and see what happens? If I addressed it, I would certainly make it clear that if I were to be subpoenaed, SOMEONE would need to pay me lost wages.

DCM leaves me out of things, DCD likes to share. I am honest with him each time that I don't want to be in the middle and he drops it.

Thank you in advance for your help!

[Leigh]

Hi all ☺️ So, I searched through the posts for subpoena topics and read the advice. I'm possibly in a "pre-subpoena" place right now...and I don't even keep the child any more! DCM and DCD were my first clients with DCB 4 years ago. Since then, they've split, both have remarried and both have their new sons in my care.

DCD is being deployed and wants their 50/50 custody for the 5 year old to continue while he's gone. DCM feels that she should have all but EOW with DCB (this is all from DCD). DCD asked me today (while picking up the younger DCB) if I would testify. I told him that all I had to say was that both parents were good parents, I really had nothing to add. I also pointed out that a subpoena would cost me money AND cause me to miss a day of work (including caring for his other son). He knew what I would say and hoped that it would help his case that DCB needed both sides in his life or something. He said he's not sure if DCM intends to include me or not. It sounds like he doesn't intend to pursue it since we've talked.

My question : would you address it preemptively with DCM in order to try to head off a subpoena or wait and see what happens? If I addressed it, I would certainly make it clear that if I were to be subpoenaed, SOMEONE would need to pay me lost wages.

DCM leaves me out of things, DCD likes to share. I am honest with him each time that I don't want to be in the middle and he drops it.

Thank you in advance for your help!

I would NOT address this with DCM. DCD will likely see this as a breach of assumed confidentiality and a betrayal. I would just tell DCD that if he issues a subpoena, that you will expect him to pay for your lost wages, and that you don't feel that you can help his case at all.

[Blackcat31]

I would NOT address this with DCM. DCD will likely see this as a breach of assumed confidentiality and a betrayal. I would just tell DCD that if he issues a subpoena, that you will expect him to pay for your lost wages, and that you don't feel that you can help his case at all.

ALL of which would not necessarily help dad anyways because if you DID go to court, you could potentially say that you asked DCD to not involve you and that you had nothing relevant to add but because DD subpoenaed you anyways, that is a perfect example of not being able to put other's needs ahead of his.

[hwichlaz]

I'm kind of stuck on continuing 50/50 while deployed. If he's not there to take custody....how's he taking custody?

[Leigh]

I'm kind of stuck on continuing 50/50 while deployed. If he's not there to take custody....how's he taking custody?

I thought about this, as well, but I am assuming that DCD has a wife who WANTS DCB to be part of their family and that DCD recognizes the importance of the sibling bond. I totally understand where BOTH parents are coming from-I'd want my child with me as much as possible, but I feel that DCD wanting his child to be a part of his family, whether he is present or not, is a good thing.

[Alwaysgreener]

I'm kind of stuck on continuing 50/50 while deployed. If he's not there to take custody....how's he taking custody?

I was thinking grandparents rights, when a parent is not available for visits, grandparents can get court order visits or custody instead.

[hwichlaz]

I thought about this, as well, but I am assuming that DCD has a wife who WANTS DCB to be part of their family and that DCD recognizes the importance of the sibling bond. I totally understand where BOTH parents are coming from-I'd want my child with me as much as possible, but I feel that DCD wanting his child to be a part of his family, whether he is present or not, is a good thing.

yeah, but it's better for the child to be with mom than step mom.....weekend visits would keep him connected to siblings. I don't know. It seems like he's fighting for custody for step mom to have while he's away....which here, just wouldn't fly. bio parents get right of first refusal if they request it...even for so called babysitting.

[hwichlaz]

I was thinking grandparents rights, when a parent is not available for visits, grandparents can get court order visits or custody instead.

Maybe, but that's not quite how grand parent's right's work either. A parent has to be unfit...fit parents get to decide if grandparents are involved or not.

[Alwaysgreener]

Maybe, but that's not quite how grand parent's right's work either. A parent has to be unfit...fit parents get to decide if grandparents are involved or not.

No, that it is not true, a parent just needs to not be available for visitations. When my sister was widowed, her mil took her to court for grandparents right and was given a visitation schedule for my nephew. A co-worker of mine had an ex that was deployed before he left, he got his parents visitations until he came home. Neither time was a parent ruled unfit.

[Rockgirl]

Maybe dcd doesn't want anything officially changed through the courts, for fear of it staying that way after he comes home.

[midaycare]

Maybe dcd doesn't want anything officially changed through the courts, for fear of it staying that way after he comes home.

He probably also doesn't want to start paying child support. That new arrangement would have him paying potentially a lot. Depends on income, but could be $500-$1000 per month.

It is a struggle to change once an order is in place. I'm sure besides money, he doesn't want to come home and be an EOW Dad.

[hwichlaz]

No, that it is not true, a parent just needs to not be available for visitations. When my sister was widowed, her mil took her to court for grandparents right and was given a visitation schedule for my nephew. A co-worker of mine had an ex that was deployed before he left, he got his parents visitations until he came home. Neither time was a parent ruled unfit.

Gosh, I'm sorry. But the widow situation is not okay. A single widowed parent should be able to move wherever she wants....I think I'd have moved before they had a chance to file. What a way to make her life even harder. So glad I live where I do

[hwichlaz]

I can think of so many situations, as a mom, where I should have a say over what my kid does and how she's fed, taken care of etc...that grandparents have zero right to interfere with.

[Cat Herder]

I'm kind of stuck on continuing 50/50 while deployed. If he's not there to take custody....how's he taking custody?

Me, too. :confused: If Mom was deployed would Dad be cool with Step-Dad sharing 50/50 with him?

[Cat Herder]

http://www.uniformlaws.org/ActSummary.aspx?title=Deployed%20Parents%20Custody%20and%20Visitation%20Act

Of interest. Tough topic. So glad I have never been faced with it.