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I am very quick to avoid confrontation. I hate the awkward moments when parents just blatantly "forget" my policies. I am still cultivating the ability to stand firm and speak up. Are there any fellow doormats out there? Veterans, how did you grow your backbone without making for disgruntled families?
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Last edited by Michael; 07-03-2017, 11:10 PM. -
I explain that I apply all policies evenly, no matter how much I like the family.
The golden ones know that I mean them and they understand.
The others think I mean them ...Comment
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By reminding myself over and over that when I give extra it means I'm giving less in another area. I also remind myself that being consistent is truly the best way to be fair to all of my families and give the best care to the kids.Comment
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You should take some time to read through our Backbone threads: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=backboneComment
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It's hard. It really is. Some providers have a good handle on being a business person, strong, confident, don't give in. I'm not one of those, unfortunately. I'm much better than I used to be but still need to work on it.
I've used 'as per my contract' many times and that helps. I let 1 dcf drop off 15 minutes earlier than their contract said, about 5x until I realized it was going to happen more than 'just this once'.
Then I wrote them up a note telling them 'per their contracted hours' they would be charged x amount going forward. Just last Friday, I had a dcf leave for a week's vacation and they hadn't paid me for this week yet. I was going to ask her about it when she picked up her dds but another dcp arrived at the same time so I ended up saying nothing. 
I did send her an email that night reminding her and said she could just drop it in the mail. Not sure if she's even read it yet or not.
I'm really terrible about confrontation.
I've evolved slowly and figure by the time I'm 100 I might have it perfected. 
There's a saying 'Fake it til you make it'. Hold your head high and act confident, choose professional words and know you deserve to run your business the way you want.
Also, if you send home newsletters or anything like that, put reminders in there about policies not being followed. For me, writing it down, instead of talking face to face, is easier.Comment
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I've been running my day care for years but I still struggle with confrontation/speaking up. My backbone is definitely a work in progress.
Some things that help me are:
Keeping in mind why I have the policy in the first place. For example, when I first started out, I had a hard time turning away sick kids. After losing income several times because I caught what they had, I got better at enforcing my illness policy.
Heading off problems before they become one.For example, I posted a notice on my door reminding parents who are going on vacation to pay their tuition before they leave in order to avoid late fees.
Addressing my discomfort For whatever reason, it helps me to start off by saying, "I feel uncomfortable having to say this but....."
Reminding myself that if someone had to feel disgruntled, it might just as well not be me!
Reminding myself that even if it feel uncomfortable while I'm talking to a parent, it feels really good once I've done it. Standing up for yourself feels so much better than being walked all over.Comment
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Leigh, I've been told not to go over policies at the tour. I always figured that they should know my main policies but my "mindset mentor " Ashley Binns says not to do that. (She owned a home daycare for a few years then owned a center)Comment
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I ALWAYS go over policies! We have a tour, then sit down to answer questions of each other. After I answer their questions, we sit down and go over contract/handbook (mine is ONE document). This helps so much when I have BOTH parents here to ask for clarification on policies, and lets me know if one or both parents can't abide by them. THIS is the time for them to decide whether my place is the fit for them. I don't do more than one meeting with parents-I want them BOTH to participate in going over this stuff so there is no question that they agree to it.
I'm not one to waste my time on enrollments. I LOATHE recruiting new customers and hate interviews. I want to get it ALL done in one meeting. This also helps avoid a 2 week back and forth of texts/emails/phone calls of parents trying to negotiate because they are no longer looking me in the eye.Comment
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Short version: I don't make policies I am not willing to enforce consistently.
Long version: If it isn't important enough to me to enforce consistently, I simply don't include it in my policies. I have no grey rules, only black and white. Everything else is workable with compromise, preparation and a little creativity.
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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That is a real key phrase there.
When I write policies, I not only have in mind what's in MY best interest, but what is in the best interest for EVERYONE.
Bending the rules for ONE is unfair to the other families who do abide by the rules.
If you can keep that in mind, it may be easier to stand up for your policies.Comment
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I do apply policies evenly, even with clients i like. I just have been given conflicting information on when (if at all) to go over policies.
For the clients that i haven't, we have run into numerous issues. So i now have a separate illness agreement and a financial agreement as part of the enrollment packetComment
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I don't understand the rationale behind not going over policies? Did your mentor explain why?Comment
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I'm curious too. This doesn't sound like a wise idea. I can see so many parents getting mad when you try to enforce a policy they weren't aware of before signing on... I've found putting everything out in the open, explaining what I expect and allow not only helps with my backbone but it helps weed out bad clients. I judge their reaction to my policies (verbal and non) when we go over it.Comment
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