Am I a Jerk If...

[amberrose3dg]

I kick a foster kid out of my Daycare?
He has severe behavior issues hitting people and not listening. Today for example he hit one of the kids. I asked him to sit in time out. He flipped started screaming and kicking my walls. I ended up calling foster mom to come get him. I have to send him home on average once a week now. I would of termed any other kid with this behavior. To top it off I have to ask mom to pay me all the time. The state won't pay for it because she has free daycare through americorp and they won't pay me cause it has to be an approved daycare that is 20 miles away. She is always behind and I would never let another family get away with these things. I'm at my limit. She had nerve to be mad at me when she had to pick him up. I guess I'm supposed to deal with all of this and be paid when they feel like it.

[bklsmum]

I would term based on the payment issues alone but if he is a danger to other kids then he is a danger and you shouldn't feel bad about protecting the other kids in your care.

[Leigh]

You're not a jerk. I'm a foster parent. I've had kids here that would have been kicked out of every daycare in town! Some of these kids are angels, but some of them have been exposed to such severe neglect and abuse that there is no way they can cope in a group daycare.

[daycare]

you are not a jerk, he's just not in the right place where someone can meet his needs. I am sure if you didn't have other kids in care it would be different.

I would just tell the dcm that it's not a good fit.

[amberrose3dg]

I feel guilty because I know he's had a hard life. I also know I cannot give him 100% 1 on 1 care. I don't think another daycare would deal with him. She is currently 3 weeks behind on two foster kids. I Am tired of feeling like I'm being used and not appreciated. It's also hard when a 3 year old tells you he hates you and wishes you would die.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

Not a jerk at all. He needs more than you can offer, and when his case manager reviews his case he will be more likely to get help of there have been noted issues. If foster mom reports he's having behavior issues but daycare is able to manage them, they'll go "ok great" and move on. If foster mom reports he's been kicked out of daycare for his behavior's it will be a flag. You'll help him most by understanding his situation, but not overdoing special treatment.

[Blackcat31]

I feel guilty because I know he's had a hard life. I also know I cannot give him 100% 1 on 1 care. I don't think another daycare would deal with him. She is currently 3 weeks behind on two foster kids. I Am tired of feeling like I'm being used and not appreciated. It's also hard when a 3 year old tells you he hates you and wishes you would die.

Unless you are responsible for his situation this is not your child to fix, cure or save.

I know that ****s and it feels horrible but you have an obligation to ALL the children in your program and keeping them safe is a priority. If one child (no matter his/her personal circumstances) makes that difficult you need to evaluate your methods and figure out a solution.

Terming isn't always the best solution but sometimes it's our only solution. In general child care providers work alone and for pennies on a dollar....That doesn't leave us many tools to work with.

[amberrose3dg]

Thanks guys! I wish I could save all of these kids. I have several other kids being raised my grandparents or aunts etc.. they have bad circumstances too but not this level of behavior. There isn't much I can do to get him to listen. I think he needs therapy too which he's not in.

[Ariana]

Unless you are responsible for his situation this is not your child to fix, cure or save.

I know that ****s and it feels horrible but you have an obligation to ALL the children in your program and keeping them safe is a priority. If one child (no matter his/her personal circumstances) makes that difficult you need to evaluate your methods and figure out a solution.

Terming isn't always the best solution but sometimes it's our only solution. In general child care providers work alone and for pennies on a dollar....That doesn't leave us many tools to work with.

Agree! Although we sometimes feel like we need to save these kids we just don't have the resources.

[Leigh]

Terming might actually help the child-it is terribly difficult to get mental health services for children in foster care, especially if they have a severe diagnosis like RAD or if they need medications (it is nearly impossible to get meds for foster kids here, no matter how many experts prescribe them-it's hard to even get permission to continue ADHD meds that kids were already on!).

When you term, if the foster parent doesn't pay you in a reasonable amount of time, I would contact the child's social worker-they should absolutely be helping cover daycare-I know that I don't get enough reimbursement in a month to even cover a month of daycare, and often end up "upside down", spending thousands more on kids than they reimburse me for. There's a chance that the social worker will be able to make sure you get paid.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

No, you are not a jerk for protecting the other children from an aggressive child or yourself from a disrespectful parent.

I would terminate the contract as well.

[Pestle]

I termed a kid who was in foster care. She threw a chair at me. This was after a week of attacking whatever objects the other kids were playing with--scattering the stamps, flipping their toys away from them, flinging books away, etc.

When I called for pick up, the parents admitted that this was why she had to leave the previous day care. That was NOT what they'd told me at enrollment. They had told me she had issues from being born addicted to drugs, but they had specifically told me there were no aggressive behaviors and nothing directed at the other children. I'd asked about that because of another aggressive child I'd termed just beforehand.

This isn't just about it not being our job to save kids with major behavioral issues. It's about it being impossible for a day care provider to save a child who lives with another family and, in some cases, is already in therapy. It's about it actually being our job to, above all, ensure the safety of the kids in our care. Especially when we are sole care providers, we just aren't a good solution for families with kids who have explosively aggressive behaviors. They need one-on-one care or a large center with enough trained staff to separate them and provide individualized therapy.

Learned that the hard way.

[Mike]

Thanks guys! I wish I could save all of these kids. I have several other kids being raised my grandparents or aunts etc.. they have bad circumstances too but not this level of behavior. There isn't much I can do to get him to listen. I think he needs therapy too which he's not in.

There's only so much we can do.

[DaveA]

No, you are not a jerk for protecting the other children from an aggressive child or yourself from a disrespectful parent.

I would terminate the contract as well.

There's only so much we can do.

This. There are times where you have to do what's best for you and your program.

[BrynleeJean]

I term on a 3 strikes policy for specify things after I've sent home paperwork on the subject to the parents. A foster wouldn't be any different.