Spin Off... Re: Dck That Stays Home (Long Sorry)

[littlemonkeys]

and child that still might not be adjusting.

First of all, I want you all to know how bad I feel about being new and sounding like a big complainer... There has been a lot of drama with a dcp and I appreciate all the help you all have been. I promise, I really am a positive person!

There was a thread yesterday about being irritated about a dck that stays home with grandma sometimes (and still gets paid though). I didn't want to hijack her thread and thought I'd start my own.

As I mentioned in the other thread, I have a dcd that does construction and when he doesn't work he stays home with dcg. (This is the same dcg that I wrote about in my thread re: the dcg that has been here for 6 months and still having adjustment issues.) The week of the holiday (17th) she was out the whole week (home for 9 days including weekend) last week she came all 5 days, and now this week she's already missed 2 days (been home 4 with the weekend). I don't mind because I'm still getting paid the full week regardless if she's here or not. I just get irritated because I don't get notified until the night before or even the same day. This week we're doing our Valentines Day crafts and I need at least 3 days to do it. I keep putting it off because she's not here. I don't want to start the other dck's on the craft and then have start all over again with dcg because she was absent or would you just not do it for her since they were notified about doing crafts this week.

Now, about her not adjusting... I'm really starting to think that she's having adjustment issues because she misses so much daycare. What do you think? With her being home for 9 days straight, coming for 5 and then home for 4 more as of today (could be absent more this week?). That could have some sort of an impact on dcg right? Last week, the first two days were ok, but the last 3 you can tell were really hard on her.

Like I have mentioned before, I love this dcg and by all means I don't want to lose her. So wwyd? Is there a way to bring it up to dcp's without sounding like you're complaining?

TIA and sorry its so long!

[dEHmom]

I think you are right. They need to bring her more regularly so it's not so hard on her. Have a discussion with the parents about this. She's not adjusting well, and everytime she comes it's like she has to make friends with everyone again.


As for the craft, advise the parents you need her here these 3 days in a row. If she is not, her craft will go unfinished or you'll have to do it without her.

[cherryhill]

We can't have it both ways

We complain when the parents are home and bring their kids we complain when they keep them. They are the parents if they want to spend time with their child and pay you so be it. Do the crafts without her.

[marniewon]

I would say start the craft when you planned to. I totally agree with you and pp who said that she's probably not adjusting well because she's not there that much. Have you said anything to the parents about her not adjusting yet? If you have, then they should be aware. You could talk to them and suggest they bring her more regularly so she has a better chance at adjusting, but like cherryhill said, it's actually a good thing that the parents actually want her with them when they can, so I wouldn't expect that they will bring her more often.

[kendallina]

I'd start the craft as you planned and then when she comes have her start it then. And I also agree that this could be a big reason as to why she's not adjusting. When she is there is she there a full 8-10 hours? I have all part-timers, but they are only here for 3 hours at a time, so we never really have any adjustment issues. It's a different story when they are there for a whole day, which just feels like forever to them. Sorry you have to (and that she has to) deal with this.

[MyAngels]

I have a family that does this, too. Out of the last three weeks they've been here a total of four days. It doesn't bother me in the least. I go on with any scheduled activities whether they are here or not. I'm thrilled to death that they get to spend as much time as they do with their parents. The adjustment issues are something that you should discuss with the parents, who need to help their child understand that, though they don't go to daycare every day, when they do it's a fun treat. I don't think I could criticize a parent who wants to spend as much time as possible with their kids, even when it costs them money (i.e. they pay the daycare anyway) to do it.

[suzychapstick]

I have the exact same thing happening with one of my new DCG. I have four 2-year olds, all girls. We do our morning craft at 9:00 each day. New girl comes whenever since Dad doesn't work. Sometimes she is here for the craft, sometimes not untill 10:00am. At first, I made the other children wait for her arrival but I quickly found out that it was creating a rift in our daily schedule. I didn't want to complain to new DCG parents so I started sending home a baggy each evening with instructions for our daily project. I just said, "Here is her project. Feel free to use this or pitch it". As you know, our Circle time and craft begin at 9:00am. " This worked for me. Her parents quickly realized that she was missing out and now they are here before 9:00 each day. She is also adjusting better to my care since she has more of a schedule. Good luck!

[littlemonkeys]

I think you are right. They need to bring her more regularly so it's not so hard on her. Have a discussion with the parents about this. She's not adjusting well, and everytime she comes it's like she has to make friends with everyone again.

As for the craft, advise the parents you need her here these 3 days in a row. If she is not, her craft will go unfinished or you'll have to do it without her.

I will probably see how our week goes once she come back, but if I see that she's having problems then I'll bring it up to the parents at the end of the week. The first couple days back are ok, but the rest of the week just seems to be so hard on her. Its sad.

We complain when the parents are home and bring their kids we complain when they keep them. They are the parents if they want to spend time with their child and pay you so be it. Do the crafts without her.

I know I can't have it both ways and that's not really why I'm complaining... I think its great that dcg has the opportunity to stay home with dad whenever possible. I just feel that this may be the reason why she's not adjusting. I want to help her. The crafts aren't really a big deal to me, I was just irritated and needed to rant that they knew we were doing them and I drag all the stuff out to find out she's not coming this morning.

Btw, are you in Irvine CA?

I would say start the craft when you planned to. I totally agree with you and pp who said that she's probably not adjusting well because she's not there that much. Have you said anything to the parents about her not adjusting yet? If you have, then they should be aware. You could talk to them and suggest they bring her more regularly so she has a better chance at adjusting, but like cherryhill said, it's actually a good thing that the parents actually want her with them when they can, so I wouldn't expect that they will bring her more often.

We're just going to start the craft tomorrow and if she's not here that's the way its going to have to be. Like I stated above, I'm going to see how she does on her first days back and then discuss it with the parents.

Thanks for the responses!

[littlemonkeys]

I'd start the craft as you planned and then when she comes have her start it then. And I also agree that this could be a big reason as to why she's not adjusting. When she is there is she there a full 8-10 hours? I have all part-timers, but they are only here for 3 hours at a time, so we never really have any adjustment issues. It's a different story when they are there for a whole day, which just feels like forever to them. Sorry you have to (and that she has to) deal with this.

Yes, she's here for about 8-9 hours a day when she's here. She seems to have the most trouble early in the morning and late in the afternoon.

I have a family that does this, too. Out of the last three weeks they've been here a total of four days. It doesn't bother me in the least. I go on with any scheduled activities whether they are here or not. I'm thrilled to death that they get to spend as much time as they do with their parents. The adjustment issues are something that you should discuss with the parents, who need to help their child understand that, though they don't go to daycare every day, when they do it's a fun treat. I don't think I could criticize a parent who wants to spend as much time as possible with their kids, even when it costs them money (i.e. they pay the daycare anyway) to do it.

I agree, and would never criticize them for keepin gher home... I am basically just trying to find a way that I can tell the parents that I think the reason why she's not adjusted is because she never comes. Maybe I'll just deal with it and not say anything. :confused:

I have the exact same thing happening with one of my new DCG. I have four 2-year olds, all girls. We do our morning craft at 9:00 each day. New girl comes whenever since Dad doesn't work. Sometimes she is here for the craft, sometimes not untill 10:00am. At first, I made the other children wait for her arrival but I quickly found out that it was creating a rift in our daily schedule. I didn't want to complain to new DCG parents so I started sending home a baggy each evening with instructions for our daily project. I just said, "Here is her project. Feel free to use this or pitch it". As you know, our Circle time and craft begin at 9:00am. " This worked for me. Her parents quickly realized that she was missing out and now they are here before 9:00 each day. She is also adjusting better to my care since she has more of a schedule. Good luck!

That's a great idea!!! I'm going to send her a care package home with her when she comes back that way her parents can see some of the things she missed.

[cherryhill]

I know I can't have it both ways and that's not really why I'm complaining... I think its great that dcg has the opportunity to stay home with dad whenever possible. I just feel that this may be the reason why she's not adjusting. I want to help her. The crafts aren't really a big deal to me, I was just irritated and needed to rant that they knew we were doing them and I drag all the stuff out to find out she's not coming this morning.

Btw, are you in Irvine CA?



Yes I am in CA not quit in Irvine about 30 miles South Mission Viejo Area?

What part of CA are you from?

I was looking at it at the parents point of view. When I took my son to daycare he was absent a lot. I wanted to spend the time with him. Plus me and his dad were separated so he spent summers at his dads and did not attend daycare at all, we always paid for daycare. Not once did I complain.
Hopefully your dcg will adjust.

[littlemonkeys]

Yes I am in CA not quit in Irvine about 30 miles South Mission Viejo Area?

What part of CA are you from?

I was looking at it at the parents point of view. When I took my son to daycare he was absent a lot. I wanted to spend the time with him. Plus me and his dad were separated so he spent summers at his dads and did not attend daycare at all, we always paid for daycare. Not once did I complain.
Hopefully your dcg will adjust.

I'm in the Newport area. I used to work in Irvine.

I can understand from a parents pov, but I think it's hard on the child sometimes too.

[littlemonkeys]

Update

UPDATE

I'm so glad I decided to wait and see how the rest of this week goes before I mentioned anything to the dcg's parents. She's sick again with a cold.

The dad is a little odd and I have my own reservations about him, but he just sends me a text on Monday and Tuesday morning saying that he will be staying home with dcg, doesn't mention anything about her being sick and makes it sound like he just wants to spend the day with her. .. which is fine too! Then mom sends a text today telling me that dcg doesn't have a fever anymore, but will be staying home again because she is still coughing pretty bad and she hopes that her DD didn't miss out on any Valentines Day crafts. I love these parents!! They would never dream of sending their child to my dc sick. I think I need to communicate better when the dad notify's me with his vague text msgs.

Thanks again for letting me vent yesterday!

[dEHmom]

Glad to hear it all worked out!

But I still agree, if she is struggling with adjusting then her lack of attendance will definitely impact her negatively which would be somethign to suggest to the mom and dad. Personally I think that as someone had mentioned in another post, that if they brought child tuesday wednesday thursday instead of any other days, it would be a lot easier on the child in terms of the amount of time in between visits. I feel that parents should spend as much time with their children as possible so if they have the opportunity to spend that time with them it is much more beneficial to the child. HOWEVER as stated above, if she is struggling with adjusting then it needs to be discussed. I have a girl who comes monday tuesday wednesdays, sometimes not for 2 weeks at a time, usually the first morning she clings to daddy a little more, but never cries when she is left. She is 1 yo and I think she adjusts great. But other kids may not. So it is something that needs to be looked at individually.

P.S. you are EXTREMELY lucky that they are respecting the illness policy, most of us here complain about it because most parents try to pawn the sick kids on us!

[littlemonkeys]

Glad to hear it all worked out!

But I still agree, if she is struggling with adjusting then her lack of attendance will definitely impact her negatively which would be somethign to suggest to the mom and dad. Personally I think that as someone had mentioned in another post, that if they brought child tuesday wednesday thursday instead of any other days, it would be a lot easier on the child in terms of the amount of time in between visits. I feel that parents should spend as much time with their children as possible so if they have the opportunity to spend that time with them it is much more beneficial to the child. HOWEVER as stated above, if she is struggling with adjusting then it needs to be discussed. I have a girl who comes monday tuesday wednesdays, sometimes not for 2 weeks at a time, usually the first morning she clings to daddy a little more, but never cries when she is left. She is 1 yo and I think she adjusts great. But other kids may not. So it is something that needs to be looked at individually.

P.S. you are EXTREMELY lucky that they are respecting the illness policy, most of us here complain about it because most parents try to pawn the sick kids on us!

I agree with everything you said. I'm going to evaluate the next week or so and see how she does and then I'm going to gently discuss it with her parents.

Actually, I'm very surprised because ALL the parents I have right now have respected my illness policy. Maybe because half of them are teachers and they know what's its like having a sick kid in class, and the other two are very germaphobic. I do appreciate it though! I did have a family last year and their twins were ALWAYS sick and my policy was if one goes home they both go home and they hated it because it was such an inconvenience for the mom to "watch" both of her own kids.