More Advice on Massive Fits?

[Sunny Day]

About a week ago I posted a thread regarding one of my dcb's (age 3)extreme fits (https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25986). He is still having fits every single day, although I have given up trying to give him a time in like the his doctor (who is a just GP btw) suggested--it does not work and I just end up being kicked, spit and drooled on, and screamed at. I told his mom that I am totally willing to do the time-in while he is behaving or if I see behaviour that generally leads to a fit, but not when he is full-blown freaking out--that I will not put up with being treated like that. Now he is told that "we are all tired of listening to him cry and that when he is ready to stop he can come out of his room" He still usually throws a HUGE fit for about 1-2 hours, which is actually an improvement over the 4 hour ones he was having before. Now, though, he refuses to have a nap, doesn't play most of the time, he just seems lethargic and sad. I really feel that there is something serious going on with him, I'm concerned, and middle of last week I suggested a child therapist to his mother (she did ask me, I didn't just do that), I have also commented that I am not really equipped to deal with special needs which is what I believe this is all leading to. She hasn't called the therapist, she sent him to her mom's Saturday night and Sunday and gave me a homeopathic calming medicine for him this morning....I am so exhausted by this, I'm 26 weeks pregnant and at my wits end. I need a break during the day too and this child is NOT giving me one--he is here 5 days a week for almost 9 hours. Opinions? Should I terminate? After 2.5 weeks of this I am really starting to get mad and my patience is just about shot.....
Also, should I make him nap-my rule has always been that you at least have quiet time in your room--he will be fine and then start throwing a big fit when its nap time keeping all the other kids up....he's barely 3--and so tired most days that I KNOW he needs a nap....Grrr!

[Blackcat31]

When he gets out of hand call mom to pick up then the problem becomes hers, which it should be.... I wouldnt normally call for bad behaviors but this sounds like there are some underlying issues and until they are addressed it shouldnt be stressing you out so much. He has a parent and the parent needs to get to the bottom of it...early intervention is the key.

[Annette]

Yes terminate. The stress you are going through is not good for you or the baby. I've been there done that and when I first tried so hard, needed the money, wanted it to work out with the little one, I ended up so sick from the stress, and I wasn't even pregnant. Parents need to wake up and smell the coffee and get some professional help as there is something is very wrong with the child.

[lvt77]

I think that by asking you already know what to do.... I have adapted this thought to myself after asking should I term not.

[jojosmommy]

I would tell mom that you are willing to work with him for up to 30 minutes and after that she needs to pick him up. I would also say that she has 15 minutes to pick him up or you'll start calling emergency contacts. I wouldn't tolerate his abusive behaviors either. Sounds like the little one I care for who at 3 and after hours of long drawn out fits was DX with autism. He was kicked out of care elsewhere because of the fits and I took him on with the agreement of mom seeking professional help for him. After 2 yrs of intensive therapy, speical ed and speech as well as diet changes and behavior plans you couldnt pick him out of the group.

Sometimes parents know there is something going on but they need someone to help push them in the right direction. You getting tough on him and mom might be just what she needs to see that this isnt working for anyone anymore.

[jen]

OMG! I think I would video-tape it and give it to Mom to take to a PEDIATRICIAN!

I would also let Mom know that you are serious about finding a resolution and what steps you need to see happening in order for you to continue care.

[marniewon]

OMG! I think I would video-tape it and give it to Mom to take to a PEDIATRICIAN!

I would also let Mom know that you are serious about finding a resolution and what steps you need to see happening in order for you to continue care.

Agree with all of this. There is no reason that you should have to put up with that, endangering your health and the health of your baby, when the parents aren't serious about getting to the bottom of this behavior! I would make a list of what you need to see happen and set a time limit of when you need to see improvement, otherwise you will serve termination papers.

[MG&Lsmom]

I didn't read the other thread but I'm going to say that there is definitely something up with the behaviors. i don't know where you are located, but here in MA anyone can request an early intervention evaluation. You say he's almost 3, which is usually the cut off, then the public school has to deal with it. I agree with everyone that says you should not be dealing with this without proper training and/or instructions from a qualified person (family docs don't count here). And you definitely should not be holding him during a fit, pregnant or not. This is called a restraint and in most states is illegal to do unless you are specifically trained and certified.