Refuse to pick up and downright disrespect

[Poptarts22]

I have one of the worst groups of dcks currently that I have encountered in my 20+ yrs. they simply refuse to pick up toys. When I say it's pick up time they will stare at me and make no effort to move or pick up a single toy. today I directed for pick up and all of them simply stared at me and then one of the girls (age 4) said Waka Waka Waka and stuck her tongue out at me. She instantly went in time out. I am nearing the end of my patience with the whole lot of them!!

[Josiegirl]

What are other consequences besides timing them out? JMO but TO does very little to change kids' behavior.

[childcaremom]

I would remove the toys except for one each. Or would remove the prove legend of playing with toys and they would have to sit and colour.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would remove the toys except for one each. Or would remove the prove legend of playing with toys and they would have to sit and colour.

I would absolutely do this as well!

Wow. What disrespectful behavior...

[Laurie]

WoW!!!! That's seriously rude of the dcg!

I see your frustration and would be there right with you. Kids these days are so rude and disrespectful. It's beyond frustrating because you know exactly where the behavior stems from.... Home and their parents!!!!

I'd limit the toys to one each for a week... Having them color for a weeks a good use also. I'd keep it up until they respect you and your home.

[Pestle]

Every toy not picked up is gone. Try again next week. Bonus points if there's a place in view but completely out of reach, so they'll remember they wanted it.

If not picked up on their last day in care that week, it's gone all next week, too.

I know you've got a system that's worked for you since I was in middle school, but consider changing the system for these girls--maybe they have to "check out" toys from you by returning each one as they go.

I've got a new kid who's two. We're dealing with drainage issues and until work starts in mid-May, there's dampness beneath the baseboard at one of the playroom walls. I took up the carpet tiles at that end of the room and put a play yard gate across the room.

So on her first day, the new kid was playing with a toy, and when she was done she chucked the toy over the gate.

She's been very upset this week to see the toy and never get to play with it.

[Pestle]

Legally, you can't limit them to one toy a week--there have to be at least 3 toys available per child in most states, right?

[Blackcat31]

What are other consequences besides timing them out? JMO but TO does very little to change kids' behavior.

Time out is also just another form of attention for some kids.

I agree with others. I instruct the kids to pick up. If they don't comply, I will pick up for them.

ANY toys I pick up are no longer "options" for those that didn't pick up.

More often than not however, the issue is the directive and not so much the follow through or lack of follow through.

My kiddos have large group play while I am preparing snack or lunch. Large group play is more chaotic and busier than other activities because all the kids are usually playing in one large group with multiple options out and mixed (Duplo blocks/books/cars/action figures).

Sometimes if the play gets a little out of control what I do is about every 15-20 mins I will say "Light pick up!" and all the kids will gather the random pieces and parts that they aren't playing with or that have gotten strewn about.

This helps eliminate a huge mess to clean up later.
Much less overwhelming too!

Another strategy is to assign each child to pickup certain toys.
Kids want structure and routine....they want boundaries and instructions.

Pick up time here goes a bit like this:

"Kerry you pick up all the action figures and Johnny will get the accessories. Billy, put the cars and trucks away and Janie if you could gather all the blocks into one area I bet Suzie and Tiffany would be happy to help you put them in the bin. When each of you are done with your job assignment it will be about time to wash up for lunch. Thank you all for being so good at your job responsibilities. Someday you are going to be excellent workers and will make your boss proud!"

HOW you instruct the kids to do something is just as important as what you are instructing them to do and I know that even as an adult, anytime someone TELLS me to do something my natural instinct is to resist.
But make it fun and interesting and I will usually happily comply.

[Blackcat31]

Legally, you can't limit them to one toy a week--there have to be at least 3 toys available per child in most states, right?

My state doesn't get that picky.

The only thing it says about toys is that they should be age appropriate and in good condition.

[Blackcat31]

I know you've got a system that's worked for you since I was in middle school, but consider changing the system for these girls--maybe they have to "check out" toys from you by returning each one as they go.

This is really important for all of us to remember....

Just because we do it X way or it's always worked X way, doesn't mean X is right. Each child is motivated and rewarded in different ways.

There really is no one size fits all rule or method of doing things.

I always tell this same story when explaining my point:

I have two children of my own.
When taking my DD to the store, I could tell her BEFORE going in my expectations of her behavior and that I would reward her with .50 to buy a treat at the check out line if she complied. (she always bought Little Golden books)

She easily understood; if I do X I will GET Y.

When taking my son (at the same age) to the store, I could tell hi my expectations before entering, during and afterwards (sometimes in-lengthy lectures that probably just sounded like "Blah blah blah blah blahblahblahblah" to him...!!) and he would still misbehave.

Frustrated me to no end. I felt like going to the store with him would always be this negative experience....

Anyways, one day I decided to try things from another angle.

I explained my expectations for behavior before entering the store. Then I handed him 5 dimes. I told him ANY time I had to remind him or the rules, he had to give me a dime. If he had enough dimes left at the check out he could buy himself a treat. (he always bought HotWheels cars).

This was like THE magic potion!!! I was floored! He became the BEST kid ever in stores...all because I approached it differently but with the same expectations as I had for my DD.

My son didn't get "If I do X I will get Y" but he totally understood "I will lose Y if I don't do X'.


My DD got something whereas my son lost something.

SAME result but different strategy.

[Unregistered]

I always time my pickups around snack and lunch times. I just tell them that I cannot put lunch or snack out until all the toys are picked up. My kids all love their food so you should see them move. And I would never withhold their snacks and lunch .... they just don't know that.

[AmyKidsCo]

What age are they and when is clean up time?

We clean up before breakfast and before afternoon snack. I've found that food is a great motivator. I never say "Pick up or you can't eat" but it's "We'll have breakfast as soon as we're done picking up."

Cutting down on toys helps, there's less to pick up then.

I give them a choice: "Do you want to pick up the books or the blocks?" If they don't choose it's "3, 2, 1, you get books." If they offer to do something else instead that's fine.

Sometimes I just pick up toys and hand them to the children, with the "hard stare." They usually just put them away.

I sing "Who, who, do I see, cleaning up the toys? I see _____, putting away the ______." (Row, row, row your boat) Pretty soon everyone is picking something up so I'll sing their name. The downside is that they stand and hold it until I do sing...

Every day children who clean up get a sticker. Some days the "best cleaner" holds the stickers for the others to pick. Some times it's random who holds.

[daycarediva]

I have my toys organized in bins. Each child that takes a bin off the shelf is responsible for that bin of toys. If they want to play with something else they must pick up the bin, put it away, and then get another bin out. They can sit there all day if they won't pick up. Don't care. I WILL (and have) left the same toys sitting ALL DAY and overnight. The next day, dcb came in and went to go get another bin- you guessed it, he was redirected right back to the toys on the floor. He tried to hold out- but I won. NO ATTENTION, no punishment, no bribes, no rewards for expected behavior. "I see you're still playing with the dolls. When those are put away you may play with the cars."

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

On super rough pick up days that the entire group is refusing I'll line up chairs in a row. Everyone sits while Susy picks up five things. Then it's Johnny's turn. Susy "tags" Johnny "in" with a high five. I add some play-by-play commentation. They usually turn it into a speed thing. If it's going well I'll have two kids go at one time. -For the record, I absolutely detest this, I feel like someone else has zapped all my energy when I resort to this. BUT it has never failed to get the room picked up in a timely manner on a rough day and the kids enjoy it once they get going.

[childcaremom]

On super rough pick up days that the entire group is refusing I'll line up chairs in a row. Everyone sits while Susy picks up five things. Then it's Johnny's turn. Susy "tags" Johnny "in" with a high five. I add some play-by-play commentation. They usually turn it into a speed thing. If it's going well I'll have two kids go at one time. -For the record, I absolutely detest this, I feel like someone else has zapped all my energy when I resort to this. BUT it has never failed to get the room picked up in a timely manner on a rough day and the kids enjoy it once they get going.

I like this idea. Filing away for future reference.