Constant 4.5-Year-Old Tattler

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I am at a loss as to what else to do. I have a 4.5-year-old (been here since 3.5) who attends full time. The whole family is a handful, to say the least, and child is extremely catered to.

I hear tattles about every movement another child makes. It's all in a whining voice so I will state, "whining." now the second I hear it. After that, she will typically correct the whining voice to tattle to which I say, "Use your words."
She is well aware of the no whining, use your words rules. She knows that they are to tell me if someone has hurt them but the little things like he looked at me, she touched my crayon, she took my crayon, he wants the toy I have, I want to run but he's in my way, I want that toy right now but he won't share, etc. are getting tiresome. I cannot get this nipped in the bud. Do I just remain consistent? Is there something else to try?

[debbiedoeszip]

I am at a loss as to what else to do. I have a 4.5-year-old (been here since 3.5) who attends full time. The whole family is a handful, to say the least, and child is extremely catered to.

I hear tattles about every movement another child makes. It's all in a whining voice so I will state, "whining." now the second I hear it. After that, she will typically correct the whining voice to tattle to which I say, "Use your words."
She is well aware of the no whining, use your words rules. She knows that they are to tell me if someone has hurt them but the little things like he looked at me, she touched my crayon, she took my crayon, he wants the toy I have, I want to run but he's in my way, I want that toy right now but he won't share, etc. are getting tiresome. I cannot get this nipped in the bud. Do I just remain consistent? Is there something else to try?

"If you keep complaining about the other children and can't play peacefully with them, then you will have to find something to do by yourself" or "you'll have to have a time out" if playing by herself doesn't curb it. I did this with a just turned 5yo who would not stop complaining/whining/tattling on his 2.5yo brother. Worked well with him.

[racemom]

I just say, work it out with your friends. And if need to I give suggestions, ask your friend not to touch your crayons, tell joe he can have the toy when you are done playing with it, ask susie if you can play with her, etc.

[Blackcat31]

"If you keep complaining about the other children and can't play peacefully with them, then you will have to find something to do by yourself" or "you'll have to have a time out" if playing by herself doesn't curb it. I did this with a just turned 5yo who would not stop complaining/whining/tattling on his 2.5yo brother. Worked well with him.

That is the route I usually take too...

If all the other kids are being so tattle-worthy, then it's clear she needs to play by herself so that none of the others annoy her so badly.

My other go-to consequence for tattlers that are simply tattling to get others in trouble is the tattle is the one that gets to sit or find an alternate activity.


~"What was that Susie? Johnny isn't sharing? Well then I guess since you decided to tattle instead of wait your turn, you must need a few minutes to sit and think about it."

~"Now Bianca wants the toy you have? Well since you chose to tattle instead of using your words with Bianca, you should probably sit here for a few minutes and think about how using your words builds better friendships than tattling does"


I don't really have tattler's right now.

[Cat Herder]

A Bad Case of Tattle Tongue by Julia Cook

A Bad Case of Tattle Tongue Activity Book

https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Case-Tattle-Tongue/dp/1931636869

https://www.amazon.com/Case-Tattle-Tongue-Activity-Book/dp/1931636923/ref=pd_sim_14_5?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1931636923&pd_rd_r=P0GTY19P0ZJM5K86GZN7&pd_rd_w=O2fRw&pd_rd_wg=JMw38&psc=1&refRID=P0GTY19P0ZJM5K86GZN7

[Ariana]

This is my daughter! It drives us batty. It started when she went to school where I can only assume she was being praised for tattling. I always say to her "are you telling me to help someone or to get them in trouble?....if it is to get them in trouble I am not interested".

It helps when she is at home but school has more influance at this point.

[AmyKidsCo]

"Hmmm... Did you talk to him/her about it?"

"Oh. That sounds like something you can handle yourself."

"That's too bad. What are you going to do about it?"

"I'm sorry to hear that."

And my favorite: "If it's not bleeding, on fire, or throwing up I don't need to hear about it."

[kendallina]

I am at a loss as to what else to do. I have a 4.5-year-old (been here since 3.5) who attends full time. The whole family is a handful, to say the least, and child is extremely catered to.

I hear tattles about every movement another child makes. It's all in a whining voice so I will state, "whining." now the second I hear it. After that, she will typically correct the whining voice to tattle to which I say, "Use your words."
She is well aware of the no whining, use your words rules. She knows that they are to tell me if someone has hurt them but the little things like he looked at me, she touched my crayon, she took my crayon, he wants the toy I have, I want to run but he's in my way, I want that toy right now but he won't share, etc. are getting tiresome. I cannot get this nipped in the bud. Do I just remain consistent? Is there something else to try?

I can't imagine that this behavior will stop until she learns an alternative to tattling. If she wants a turn with something, she needs to ask them for a turn when the child is done.

I don't think saying "use your words" helps her understand what TO do. She IS using her words. You need to teach her the words to use with the other kids.

"He touched my crayon/he looked at me" would be meet with, "that's okay." here.

I would not address the other child in any of these instances, only her. Give her the words to use with them.

Now, if she's tattling on kids about things that have nothing to do with her (i.e... ' he's running inside'), then Id simply say, not your concern and ignore.

I teach my kids to ask others if they want to use something. If the friend isn't ready to give it up, then they are taught to say, ' you can have out when I'm done." All the kids learn this here pretty quickly and the younger ones still need help with this, but at her age she should master it in no time.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Thank you for the advice! Much appreciated!! Maybe I won't go insane yet.

I can't imagine that this behavior will stop until she learns an alternative to tattling. If she wants a turn with something, she needs to ask them for a turn when the child is done.

I don't think saying "use your words" helps her understand what TO do. She IS using her words. You need to teach her the words to use with the other kids.

"He touched my crayon/he looked at me" would be meet with, "that's okay." here.

I would not address the other child in any of these instances, only her. Give her the words to use with them.

Now, if she's tattling on kids about things that have nothing to do with her (i.e... ' he's running inside'), then Id simply say, not your concern and ignore.

I teach my kids to ask others if they want to use something. If the friend isn't ready to give it up, then they are taught to say, ' you can have out when I'm done." All the kids learn this here pretty quickly and the younger ones still need help with this, but at her age she should master it in no time.

She has been enrolled for a year and has had the words provided to her daily for much too long. We have standard phrases we use here and those who are new, or who are forgetful, get reminded. She is not new nor is she forgetful. She gets a lot of coddling and attention at home for pointing out every detail of life that she doesn't like. That is NOT an admired quality here.

Some of our standard phrases that are said a million times a day:
1. Tell your buddy, "When you're done, please let me know.
2. Tell your buddy, "Please don't do that, I don't like it!"
3. Tell your buddy, "I don't want to play with you right now. Maybe later."
Etc. etc. etc.

[daycarediva]

Here, they 'go tattle to the baby' (youngest child in care, 18mo right now who LOVES the attention)

Not sure if you could do that, before I had a play phone anchored to the wall and I would tell them to call and tell someone.

[kendallina]

Thank you for the advice! Much appreciated!! Maybe I won't go insane yet.



She has been enrolled for a year and has had the words provided to her daily for much too long. We have standard phrases we use here and those who are new, or who are forgetful, get reminded. She is not new nor is she forgetful. She gets a lot of coddling and attention at home for pointing out every detail of life that she doesn't like. That is NOT an admired quality here.

Some of our standard phrases that are said a million times a day:
1. Tell your buddy, "When you're done, please let me know.
2. Tell your buddy, "Please don't do that, I don't like it!"
3. Tell your buddy, "I don't want to play with you right now. Maybe later."
Etc. etc. etc.

Ugh...yes, I hear you. She's a persistent little bugger, isn't she?

[Josiegirl]

This week I've had a 6 yo dcg who's notorious at tattling. I'll be using some of your advice everybody. It gets so old, for me AND the other kids. She expects everybody to jump in and make it all better for her, to make everybody adjust their world for her.

[Ariana]

Here, they 'go tattle to the baby' (youngest child in care, 18mo right now who LOVES the attention)

Not sure if you could do that, before I had a play phone anchored to the wall and I would tell them to call and tell someone.

Love this!

[knoxmomof2]

Here, they 'go tattle to the baby' (youngest child in care, 18mo right now who LOVES the attention)

Not sure if you could do that, before I had a play phone anchored to the wall and I would tell them to call and tell someone.

Haha.. Love this! 😂

[knoxmomof2]

I had my 2 oldest - both 4 realize that there was power in tattling at one point. So, they started tattling on the younger 2. I just taught them to only tell me there's a problem if someone is hurting you or someone else. Nipped it in the bud really quickly.

I made the "mistake" of laughing about the situation with one of the tattler's DCMs- marveling at how smart little ones are and how quickly they catch on to how to manipulate things sometimes. The next day, I got a long email about how she was concerned that I was using the word "tattletale" with her daughter(I used it with Mom to paraphrase, but never once used the word to the children). She went on to talk about how secrets are bred in the dark and something about rape culture and empowered women..... Aye yay yay!

I returned the email with a long, thoughtful one of my own explaining my well-thought out methods that prevent 4 year olds from ganging up on 2 year olds in an attempt at calling the shots (and clarifying that I do not, in fact, call children names like "tattletale"). It seemed to have resolved itself after that. I've only been in this for 4.5 years and I only keep 4 children. She was one of my first clients and her child has been coming here for almost 4 years. She's a snowflake Mom and I've tolerated her well up until about 6 months ago. Her daughter is moving on to Kindergarten in the Fall (thank God!) and I will know what to watch for in interviews in the future in order to avoid snowflake parents.