At My Wit's End

[Rockysmom1019]

I am a new-ish lead teacher in the kindergarten/school age room at my daycare (I took someone else's position mid February). We take kids from first grade up to 6th grade. The average age is about 6 and a half, but I have two children who are way above the average age. One of the children is in the 6th grade and is pretty well behaved for the most part. His younger brother (5th grade), however, is the smarmiest, rudest, most obnoxious child I have ever met in my life.

-He doesn't listen to me when I ask him to do things. Ever.
-He is a bully. He will see someone's block building and knock it down for no reason.
-He touches my teacher closet without asking and will take things out of it.
-He backtalks like there's no tomorrow.
-He insults me. He has called me 'garbage' and 'ugly.' (Never going to get a girlfriend in the future talking like that, if you ask me)
-I have overheard him say that he wants to get me fired.

I have tried reasoning with him. I have tried raising my voice at him. I have talked to his mother way more times than I would have liked, but it seems like nothing is being done at home, because it keeps happening

No changes.

I have set a precedence for the other kids and they all listen when I ask them to do something. I don't want to scare children, because that's not in my job description, but it's also not in my job description that I have to be their equal.

I understand if he doesn't like the leadership change. The old lead teacher was a male, and he could bond more easily with him and he behaved around him. I also understand if this is a plea for attention, and he's just going about it the wrong way. I really want to make him like me and respect me, but it seems no matter what I do, he has zero respect for me, and I'm pretty close to giving up. I have even gone to my director about it, but nothing has been done.

:confused:

[Cat Herder]

No useful advice, just :hug:

Nobody seems to be answering you and that is because there is nothing you can do as an employee but follow the directives of management.

It is a difficult situation to be in. You can't care more than his parents or the director. It will come down to classroom management in line with the centers behavioral policies.

Know you are not alone. Most of us have been there. Again, :hug: and Welcome to the forum.

[daycarediva]

Here's what I would do.

I would set up an activity and tell everyone beforehand what your expectations about behavior are. IF he breaks one of those rules, he is removed from the activity. He is set up with activity of YOUR choosing (it could be silent reading, coloring alone, etc)

Rinse and repeat.

The disrespect is deplorable. My 9yo talked back to me in the car last night and I banned him from talking at all. "If you can't use polite words you get to use NO words."

[Ariana]

This age is all about testing limits and the more you react the more he will push would be my guess. Have clear consequences to behaviors, follow through but do not let him see you sweat. Be chill like a cucumber. Do not let him win at his game to make you insane

[kendallina]

Have you spoken with his parents?

What does he like to do? i.e. is he into pokemon or sports or ... I don't know, what are 5th grade boys into?? . Have you tried bonding with him over things that he likes to do? If he's with a bunch of 6-year olds, he's probably bored out of his mind and ticked off that he has to be there with 'babies'. And if he's feeling that way, he's just going to misbehave. Is there anything that will excite him or help him focus on something positive?

Sounds miserable, I'm sorry that you have to be in that situation...yuck.

[Leigh]

5th grade is plenty old enough to know that the behavior is completely inappropriate. I would go into Monday with a new plan and a new attitude.

I'd set the child up away from the group with his homework. If he has none, have some ready for him. Let him know that his behaviors are unacceptable and that because of the center's "new rules", he will not be allowed to participate in regular activities until he has achieved 5 consecutive days of acceptable behavior (one for each grade he's in at school).

I'd stop with tit for tat and just start with making him earn every privilege he gets. If he doesn't earn any, then it's on him.

With that said, I truly feel that this child needs psychological services. It's not normal behavior by any means, IMO. I'm sorry that your director isn't on board with helping. Is there an owner whom you could speak to? You don't deserve to work in an environment where you're being bullied by an 11 year old with no means of escape other than quitting your job. I'd have one more talk about the child's behavior and asking the director to put the parents on notice that the behavior need to improve to an acceptable level immediately. Myself-I'd be searching for a different job right now. Bless those of you who work with school agers. I couldn't do it.

[debbiedoeszip]

I am a new-ish lead teacher in the kindergarten/school age room at my daycare (I took someone else's position mid February). We take kids from first grade up to 6th grade. The average age is about 6 and a half, but I have two children who are way above the average age. One of the children is in the 6th grade and is pretty well behaved for the most part. His younger brother (5th grade), however, is the smarmiest, rudest, most obnoxious child I have ever met in my life.

-He doesn't listen to me when I ask him to do things. Ever.
-He is a bully. He will see someone's block building and knock it down for no reason.
-He touches my teacher closet without asking and will take things out of it.
-He backtalks like there's no tomorrow.
-He insults me. He has called me 'garbage' and 'ugly.' (Never going to get a girlfriend in the future talking like that, if you ask me)
-I have overheard him say that he wants to get me fired.

I have tried reasoning with him. I have tried raising my voice at him. I have talked to his mother way more times than I would have liked, but it seems like nothing is being done at home, because it keeps happening

No changes.

I have set a precedence for the other kids and they all listen when I ask them to do something. I don't want to scare children, because that's not in my job description, but it's also not in my job description that I have to be their equal.

I understand if he doesn't like the leadership change. The old lead teacher was a male, and he could bond more easily with him and he behaved around him. I also understand if this is a plea for attention, and he's just going about it the wrong way. I really want to make him like me and respect me, but it seems no matter what I do, he has zero respect for me, and I'm pretty close to giving up. I have even gone to my director about it, but nothing has been done.

:confused:

I would basically ignore him unless he's doing something truly positive. If he knocks down someone's blocks, then only address the "victim" and make a bit of a show about it. Don't ask him to do anything. If he makes a mess and doesn't voluntarily clean up, ask another child to help you clean up and then praise and thank the child like crazy. If he says something rude to you, pretend he isn't even there.

Humans are social animals and crave acceptance and attention. If the only time he gets any of your attention is when he's doing something nice/responsible/helpful then it will make an impact. Right now, he's getting a lot of attention and it's not making any kind of a positive impact on his behaviour. That being said, his behaviour will probably decline badly before it gets better (extinction burst). If he crosses a line, though, maybe he'll get expelled from the program (silver lining LOL).

And put a lock on the teacher closet.