Need Some Help!

[Ariana]

I have two siblings two days a week. One who is 3 and another who is 15 months. Both are very busy kids!

How do you manage super busy kids who can't seem to play? They spend most of their time at home with mom and they seem to lead a busy lifestyle. When they are in my house the 3 year old is bored. I tell him to "go play" but he ends up dissolving into tears if I am not entertaining him 24/7. I have had a few kids like this over the years. They have no clue how to play with toys. They want me to entertain them, waiting for the 'next thing' to happen. It is driving me insane. Attention spans are roughly 10 minutes if that on any given activity. This child even has issues sitting at the table to finish eating after 5 minutes.

I am perfectly fine with saying "go play" but I am really worried about them not wanting to come to my house any more and making a scene at drop off. I have another 3 yr old who went through the same thing and started making a crying scene at drop off. I don't want parents to think I am not a good provider. At 2 days a week I feel like I am not really able to make a difference.

This morning we played outside, had snack, played in the water table, I took out a new treehouse toy and we played a game of hide and go seek. As soon as there is a lull in the activity is when things go downhill and the complaining starts.

Any advice would be great! Should I just have a steady stream of activity or say "go play" and be at peace with it?

[Josiegirl]

I think when we say 'go play', certain kids need a starting point. Maybe give him a bit of direction or a choice of a couple things. What are things he likes to do? Take something he's enjoyed and improve on that. Simple ex.: if he builds with blocks, set out a few and add some interesting elements to it. I find it difficult to turn a creative child out of one who is used to being led all the time. I've also sat on the floor and started building something of my own, kind of ignoring the child but hoping they'll start joining in. Look to pinterest for lots of ideas to stimulate their curiosity and interest.
There is sooo much out there for children to be entertained by, why should they have to do a lot of creative thinking on their own??
Ask him questions while he's playing. 'What would happen if' or 'how can you make this do that', questions to make his mind work.
But don't forget, just maybe he needs a little down time here and there if his life is busy and chaotic and if he's always going going going. Offer him a cozy quiet place just to unwind, relax, read, think, and not have to do anything. Unless he's the type to get into trouble.

Just wanted to add that I occasionally tell my dcks to go play but I've also found it's kind of like telling a kid to 'go clean their room'. They find it overwhelming and don't really know how to start. While play should come naturally, some kids still need to be gently guided.

[debbiedoeszip]

I have two siblings two days a week. One who is 3 and another who is 15 months. Both are very busy kids!

How do you manage super busy kids who can't seem to play? They spend most of their time at home with mom and they seem to lead a busy lifestyle. When they are in my house the 3 year old is bored. I tell him to "go play" but he ends up dissolving into tears if I am not entertaining him 24/7. I have had a few kids like this over the years. They have no clue how to play with toys. They want me to entertain them, waiting for the 'next thing' to happen. It is driving me insane. Attention spans are roughly 10 minutes if that on any given activity. This child even has issues sitting at the table to finish eating after 5 minutes.

I am perfectly fine with saying "go play" but I am really worried about them not wanting to come to my house any more and making a scene at drop off. I have another 3 yr old who went through the same thing and started making a crying scene at drop off. I don't want parents to think I am not a good provider. At 2 days a week I feel like I am not really able to make a difference.

This morning we played outside, had snack, played in the water table, I took out a new treehouse toy and we played a game of hide and go seek. As soon as there is a lull in the activity is when things go downhill and the complaining starts.

Any advice would be great! Should I just have a steady stream of activity or say "go play" and be at peace with it?

I think that I might be a lazy provider because I put toys out and just sit and watch. I don't initiate activities, though I do have a good variety of toys, small blankets for forts, and active toys (balls, small Little Tykes climber/slide, etc). I don't lead activities, they are expected to figure out how to amuse themselves. I'm ok with them being bored, and I ignore complaints (though sometimes I'll toss out an "I'm sorry you feel that way").

We go outside, but again it's up to them to find their own amusement. I do keep the water table filled during summer. And sensory bins outside are a daily thing.

Yesterday I had only FT dcb, and we walked to the park, but I just stood around while he messed around (he found sticks!! LOL).

We do art once per day, though I simply put out art materials and they do what they will with them. I read a few stories each day.

I'm kind of old school, though. I was born in 1970 and parents didn't do much with kids other than buy them toys, bikes etc, and have them in an activity (baseball or brownies/cubs, or something like that). Though I was school-aged, my experience with being at a home daycare (summers) was being shooed out the door after breakfast (to go play outside in the neighbourhood) and told not to come back until lunch. Then after lunch, shooed out the door and rounded up just before parents were to arrive. Parents seemed to be fine with this. Weekends at home were a lot like being at daycare LOL.

All that being said, I have a good relationship with each daycare child and they all seem to be happy to be here. I think that they like that I'm not all in their business (unless they are about to get hurt - more than a bruise type of hurt) and can really get immersed in their own thing.

[Ariana]

Thanks everyone! i have definitely tried to get play started for them by suggesting activities. Maybe I have too many toys and maybe I just need to be ok with their boredom.

[debbiedoeszip]

I think when we say 'go play', certain kids need a starting point. Maybe give him a bit of direction or a choice of a couple things. What are things he likes to do? Take something he's enjoyed and improve on that. Simple ex.: if he builds with blocks, set out a few and add some interesting elements to it. I find it difficult to turn a creative child out of one who is used to being led all the time. I've also sat on the floor and started building something of my own, kind of ignoring the child but hoping they'll start joining in. Look to pinterest for lots of ideas to stimulate their curiosity and interest.
There is sooo much out there for children to be entertained by, why should they have to do a lot of creative thinking on their own??
Ask him questions while he's playing. 'What would happen if' or 'how can you make this do that', questions to make his mind work.
But don't forget, just maybe he needs a little down time here and there if his life is busy and chaotic and if he's always going going going. Offer him a cozy quiet place just to unwind, relax, read, think, and not have to do anything. Unless he's the type to get into trouble.

Just wanted to add that I occasionally tell my dcks to go play but I've also found it's kind of like telling a kid to 'go clean their room'. They find it overwhelming and don't really know how to start. While play should come naturally, some kids still need to be gently guided.

I think that a lot of kids might not be allowed to do much at home because a lot of what they come up with on their own seems dangerous, or messy, or noisy, or the parents feel the need to help (or are asked for help) but they don't want to (I don't help the kids with their play, btw). So they lead activities, or take them somewhere and pay for their kids to play there (indoor playland or gymnastics place, where staff lead activities). I give kids time to figure out that if they invent a game or activity that I likely won't shut it down. And they see the other kids who have been here longer doing their thing and those kids lead the way.

[childcaremom]

I do a combination of above and it def. depends on the child and their age. But I am a big fan of giving them the gift of boredom. It's a gift that I give and give and give.

Basically, I don't entertain. I supervise. I create an inviting environment and let the kids figure it out. And they do. It is their work to play. Child led play. Without an adult telling them how/what to play. This is actually my favourite part of this job. Watching them use their imaginations. Their play is 1000X better than any play I could come up with.

Some kids really struggle with this initially when they are here. Especially if they've come from a heavy screen environment. It takes a little bit to time to decompress and then they are usually fine.

[Ariana]

How do you deal with them if they are constantly trying to engage with you? Bringing you stuff, asking you things...? Do you just ignore them?

My husband tells me I am too much fun and they expect me to be fun with them all the time. He says I need to be more disengaged. Maybe I am the problem!! My own kids know that mommy sometimes plays and sometimes you play on your own. Maybe I am making it confusing for them.

[childcaremom]

How do you deal with them if they are constantly trying to engage with you? Bringing you stuff, asking you things...? Do you just ignore them?

My husband tells me I am too much fun and they expect me to be fun with them all the time. He says I need to be more disengaged. Maybe I am the problem!! My own kids know that mommy sometimes plays and sometimes you play on your own. Maybe I am making it confusing for them.

I will acknowledge it once or twice and then encourage them to have a picnic with Julie. Or, why don't you show Bobby? Then I ignore. I have a book that I read or do paperwork.

If you like engaging with them, do it. Then be clear when that is over. It is time for Ariana to do her paperwork. It is time for you to play now. Rinse and repeat.

[Ariana]

I will acknowledge it once or twice and then encourage them to have a picnic with Julie. Or, why don't you show Bobby? Then I ignore. I have a book that I read or do paperwork.

If you like engaging with them, do it. Then be clear when that is over. It is time for Ariana to do her paperwork. It is time for you to play now. Rinse and repeat.

Ok this is pretty much what I have been doing and I feel like it's the right thing to do but sometimes the kids get upset. I think I will just ignore them being upset. I guess that is how they manipulate at home.

[debbiedoeszip]

How do you deal with them if they are constantly trying to engage with you? Bringing you stuff, asking you things...? Do you just ignore them?

My husband tells me I am too much fun and they expect me to be fun with them all the time. He says I need to be more disengaged. Maybe I am the problem!! My own kids know that mommy sometimes plays and sometimes you play on your own. Maybe I am making it confusing for them.

You do have to be boring to them, and when asked for help I play dumb as much as I can, or if I do need them to do a certain thing (get ready for outside) then I'm just slow to help. I say "I don't know" or "I don't know how" a lot in response to requests for help or silly "what's this/that" type questions (eg. they hold up a car, and they know it's a car, but they ask me "what's this"...me: "I don't know"). They probably think that I'm the dumbest and least capable adult on the planet, but they play well by themselves. They've given up on me LOL.

[Ariana]

You do have to be boring to them, and when asked for help I play dumb as much as I can, or if I do need them to do a certain thing (get ready for outside) then I'm just slow to help. I say "I don't know" or "I don't know how" a lot in response to requests for help or silly "what's this/that" type questions (eg. they hold up a car, and they know it's a car, but they ask me "what's this"...me: "I don't know"). They probably think that I'm the dumbest and least capable adult on the planet, but they play well by themselves. They've given up on me LOL.

Haha! Love this!

This kid likes to ask me WHY constantly too. "Why Ariana why" over and over and over and over. Yesterday I just started ignoring him and he must have asked about 45 times before he took the hint

[Kajada]

You do have to be boring to them, and when asked for help I play dumb as much as I can, or if I do need them to do a certain thing (get ready for outside) then I'm just slow to help. I say "I don't know" or "I don't know how" a lot in response to requests for help or silly "what's this/that" type questions (eg. they hold up a car, and they know it's a car, but they ask me "what's this"...me: "I don't know"). They probably think that I'm the dumbest and least capable adult on the planet, but they play well by themselves. They've given up on me LOL.

Haha I need to start doing that! Those kinds of questions really get on my nerves, for whatever reason. I'm all for questions that help us learn something new, but please don't ask me "What's that?" and point to a shoe.