Diaper Changing Problem with MY Child!

[spud912]

Hi everyone,

So my daughter (who is now 21 months old) is quite a firecracker. I understand why she throws temper tantrums for the most part (they usually center around being close to nap time or meal time), but what I don't understand is why she throws massive temper tantrums EVERY time I go to change her diaper. We used to "distract" her with an object to occupy her time while getting the diaper changed, but even that doesn't work very much anymore. Nowadays, when she sees me coming at her she knows it's for a diaper change and she starts melting down and then I cannot calm her down without some sort of discipline or talking sternly to her.

It's getting to the point where I want to attempt potty training just to avoid diaper changing! She has shown some signs of being ready (like telling me she went poop in her diaper after she is done), but other things indicate to me that she is not ready (like soaking her diaper during nap, showing little interest in the toilet, and caring about her diaper being soiled with urine).

I know this is a common problem and was wondering what suggestions you all had. Thanks!!

[QualiTcare]

i don't think that's typical or common for basically a 2 year old.

has she always thrown tantrums about having her diaper changed?

i would go ahead and start potty training for sure - tantrums or not.

[littlemissmuffet]

My nephew was/is like this! Do you find that this is happening each and every time you change her, or mostly when she is engrossed in play or an activity?? We started to realize that my nephew was throwing the tantrums when he was "busy" and didn't want to be interupted, because he rarely acts this way when he changed when he's just lazing around watching tv.

[spud912]

Well when she was really young she loved having her diaper changed. As she got older and more "outspoken," she became very feisty. I think she doesn't like it for 2 reasons: (1) she was taken away from whatever activity she was doing and does not like to be interrupted and (2) she is not in control of the diaper changing environment. If I give her a wet wipe and/or a bottle of diaper cream, she is perfectly fine with diaper changing, but I prefer not to do either of those things as it gets messy really fast because she tries to do what I do.

Basically, she is an extremely feisty little girl. She is an extreme perfectionist (I can tell already) and gets very angry when she cannot emulate what others do. For example, she loves Legos but I cannot let her play with them because she gets frustrated with her inability to stick them together. As a result, she will have a major melt down.

[cillybean83]

my 13 month old is the same way, he hates diaper changes because when he was on antibiotics he had serious blowouts and got a BAD rash...ever since he's hated the sight of the changing table.

I think 21 months is plenty old enough to begin potty training, my 13 month old will start when we get back from vacation (april 1st) and he'll be 15 months, my older son started at 15 months and was completely finished and in underwear by 19 months

[SilverSabre25]

Sounds like she's a good candidate for at least being poop trained. My DD poop trained long before she pee trained--poop training came shortly before age 2 (right around 21-23 months) and pee training was accomplished by 28 months.

I don't think that the tantrums sound all that unusual for the age...or for any age for that matter. Some personalities just dislike it more than others.

[sahm1225]

Yes one of my DCKs is like that and he is almost 2 1/2. I think they just get annoyed that we are disrupting their playing. Do you have anyone else working with you that can do her diaper changes? I notice that my kids would always give me a hard time, but anytime someone else came along to do it, they would be perfect angels.

[SandeeAR]

If she doesn't like being interrupted from play, etc. to change, maybe consider setting a time for 5 minutes and tell her she can come now or when the timer goes off. Put some of the choice in her hands.

[spud912]

Thanks for all of the suggestions! I may just do her first (and hopefully only) round of potty training.

She does not act like this during every diaper changes. Like a pp stated, it's usually when she is busy doing something that she gets irritated. She is also less likely to throw a temper tantrum when she is poopy.

Argh! I just hope the temper tantrums go away soon! She is so easily frustrated and angered! She definitely got my mother-in-law's temper and my perfectionism.....bad combo!! She is such a sweetheart (loves to give kisses and hugs) and is a total goofball, but the temper tantrums must stop!!

[lvt77]

I have a dcg exactly like this. Here is what I do. She is same age
About every 1.45 hrs I go to her and tell her it's time to get a new diaper on. Within 2 seconds the tantrum will start. So I give her choices
I tell her "I see that you are very upset right now and I'm sorry you ate feeling this way, but I need for you to make a choice.
Would you like to get a diaper change or would you like to go to time out?"
Sometimes I will have to ask her a few times. Usually she will get up and start walking to the changing mat. Now, if she does not make a choice I then will tell her "would you Like to walk to time out? Or would you like me to carry you?". When it gets to that point she always gets up and walks over to the changing mat. As I'm changing her I tell her that she can go back and play with her toy or whatever she is doing.
I use the choice/option method for just about everything I do with the kids
I hope this makes sense.

[lvt77]

I have a dcg exactly like this. Here is what I do. She is same age
About every 1.45 hrs I go to her and tell her it's time to get a new diaper on. Within 2 seconds the tantrum will start. So I give her choices
I tell her "I see that you are very upset right now and I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I need for you to make a choice.
Would you like to get a diaper change or would you like to go to time out?"
Sometimes I will have to ask her a few times. Usually she will get up and start walking to the changing mat. Now, if she does not make a choice I then will tell her "would you Like to walk to time out? Or would you like me to carry you?". When it gets to that point she always gets up and walks over to the changing mat. As I'm changing her I tell her what a great choice she made; getting her diaper changed and that she can go back and play with her toy or whatever she is doing.
I use the choice/option method for just about everything I do with the kids, not usually this harsh for threats of time out, but allowing them to feel as though they are in charge because they got to make the decision.
I hope this makes sense.

[SilverSabre25]

I have a dcg exactly like this. Here is what I do. She is same age
About every 1.45 hrs I go to her and tell her it's time to get a new diaper on. Within 2 seconds the tantrum will start. So I give her choices
I tell her "I see that you are very upset right now and I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I need for you to make a choice.
Would you like to get a diaper change or would you like to go to time out?"
Sometimes I will have to ask her a few times. Usually she will get up and start walking to the changing mat. Now, if she does not make a choice I then will tell her "would you Like to walk to time out? Or would you like me to carry you?". When it gets to that point she always gets up and walks over to the changing mat. As I'm changing her I tell her what a great choice she made; getting her diaper changed and that she can go back and play with her toy or whatever she is doing.
I use the choice/option method for just about everything I do with the kids, not usually this harsh for threats of time out, but allowing them to feel as though they are in charge because they got to make the decision.
I hope this makes sense.

Be careful offering this kind of choice; one of the choices does NOT lead to getting her diaper changed. When you offer choices (which I'm all about) try and make sure that both options lead to the outcome YOU are wanting. In this case, things like, "do you want changed on the table or the floor?", "do you want to stand up or lay down?", or "Do you want to walk or be carried?"
THis way, no matter what she chooses, she still gets her diaper changed (which makes YOU happy) and she still feels like she had control over it (which makes HER happy)

[lvt77]

Be careful offering this kind of choice; one of the choices does NOT lead to getting her diaper changed. When you offer choices (which I'm all about) try and make sure that both options lead to the outcome YOU are wanting. In this case, things like, "do you want changed on the table or the floor?", "do you want to stand up or lay down?", or "Do you want to walk or be carried?"
THis way, no matter what she chooses, she still gets her diaper changed (which makes YOU happy) and she still feels like she had control over it (which makes HER happy)

100% agree, that is what I usually do, however, this is the only choice option that worked. Like I said, I don't usually offer such a harsh choice...