Really?

[Cat Herder]

A thing that I really found unsettling was my States reaction to my giving free care instead of accepting subsidy. :confused:

Years ago, I applied for compassionate variance and received it. I diligently maintained it. I saw it as my opportunity to offer one or two slots, per year, as a gift to a family in need preventing them from getting on assistance.

I had the desire, square footage, ratios, equipment and experience. I did not claim a loss on taxes/meal served as they were extra, no compensation, slots. It literally cost the State/Fed nothing.

All good right?

No. Now they no longer grant the variances and ask us to have all families apply for services. "It effects the food program reimbursements of the local schools".

Really.

[Unregistered]

Both of the families I have on subsidy have more discretionary income than I do. I have one who proudly told me she was getting 11000$ in "taxes" back. That was in the beginning of Feb. She's already "broke". 2 yo son has been wearing the same pair of ratty sweatpants for 4 days in a row now and his shoes that I bought for christmas are getting small. I need better clients.

[Mike]

Both of the families I have on subsidy have more discretionary income than I do. I have one who proudly told me she was getting 11000$ in "taxes" back. That was in the beginning of Feb. She's already "broke". 2 yo son has been wearing the same pair of ratty sweatpants for 4 days in a row now and his shoes that I bought for christmas are getting small. I need better clients.

Those are the parents that irritate me. Always spending on themselves before the kids. I know of a few who I really think only had kids for the gov't support. Around here, it's too easy to get, for those who shouldn't get it anyway.

[hwichlaz]

While I try not to judge the people in line in the store on WIC and SNAP because I can't know their circumstances.....

a sudden job loss doesn't make all of your nice things disappear etc....

It's harder not to when you're close enough to see more of their lifestyle.


It made me super self concious about what I was wearing or carrying with me when I used my WIC after my husband left though...and that's sad.

[Mike]

While I try not to judge the people in line in the store on WIC and SNAP because I can't know their circumstances.....

a sudden job loss doesn't make all of your nice things disappear etc....

It's harder not to when you're close enough to see more of their lifestyle.


It made me super self concious about what I was wearing or carrying with me when I used my WIC after my husband left though...and that's sad.

Good point there. Some more valuable things, like a new car, could easily be downgraded if finances forced it, but personal things, like fancy clothes, can't be cashed in so easily, so people can have "nice stuff" and still be in financial trouble because of a change. Nobody is set for life financially. Even Bill Gates or Donald Trump could have something major happen and go bankrupt.

[hippiedaycaregal]

I only see one perceived flaw in your theory. I'll take that and raise you a:

"Having children is a huge hunk of family income.

If people stopped feeling entitled to money for breeding, maybe there would be no need for childcare subsidy. "

I love a good debate. happyface Yes, I know $hit happens, that is the REAL reason for subsidy. :hug: This is in hopes of good fun and honest discussion.

I gotcha, and completely get it! I could've used the subsidy when I was working two jobs and raising my daughter while going to school! I think it's a good program I just hate to see it abused. I was on WIC in school and I remember being embarrassed of a nice cell phone (that truly was gifted) and I was always well dressed (thrift store queen) and made sure I looked nice, and got off the damn program as soon as I started making more money::

[Leigh]

Leigh, I had a couple clients hit with circumstances like that, too. One was the family I gave three years worth of free childcare, for two children. Another was for 2 years, one child.

Both families are back on their feet, now. It took 9 years for the first, 6 for the second. BUT their worlds are turning back around.

:hug: To your DCF. IME, People are always willing to help those who put forth effort to help themselves. I am glad they found you. Have you referred her to child support recovery services?

Her child support stopped because her ex lost his job (more than once). He is now soon heading to prison for a white collar crime, so there will be no support for years. She got more help from assistance when she WAS receiving support than she does now-that is what frustrates me.

[Leigh]

While I try not to judge the people in line in the store on WIC and SNAP because I can't know their circumstances.....

a sudden job loss doesn't make all of your nice things disappear etc....

It's harder not to when you're close enough to see more of their lifestyle.


It made me super self concious about what I was wearing or carrying with me when I used my WIC after my husband left though...and that's sad.

You're so right. I'm a foster parent. I HATE having to use WIC for my foster kids while I'm carrying a nice purse with my nails done, have a cart full of "extras", and then loading my stuff into my Denali. I feel like I'm constantly being judged. Then, when you have 3-4 kids on WIC, they all have different last names, and you really get looks then.

[daycarediva]

You're so right. I'm a foster parent. I HATE having to use WIC for my foster kids while I'm carrying a nice purse with my nails done, have a cart full of "extras", and then loading my stuff into my Denali. I feel like I'm constantly being judged. Then, when you have 3-4 kids on WIC, they all have different last names, and you really get looks then.

YES! It is painful to know that you're being judged, and I try SO HARD not to be that person in the grocery store because I truly do not know circumstances.

We were foster parents and received WIC and food stamps (this was back when they were food stamp cash, not card) and I got soooo many dirty looks.

One of my first families when I opened was a sibling set- two different fathers but the mother was on point. She worked really hard and paid for care in cash. Those kids were always dressed like models straight out of catalogs though, despite her low income. She COULD have qualified for every subsidy imaginable, but didn't even apply. She finally confessed to me that dcd/her ex was a big time drug dealer and that's why she left him, but he took good care of her boys.

When he came to pick up one day, my dh was here and he knew the guy. He has (had, probably more now) EIGHT kids with like 5 or 6 different mothers and he took care of ALL of them. He bought them all food, clothes, school supplies, etc.

He also worked a FT job and paid child support out of that.

She was one of my BEST clients of all time- even used her tax return to pay me ahead of time for care, paid her rent ahead, saved the rest.

Family situations are COMPLICATED nowadays!

[Unregistered]

This post is a couple of months old, but I wanted to dive in. I understand there are people who abuse the system and those type of people will always have struggle in there life and probably never manage to get to the top. However, I know how it feels to be on government assistance to then a middle class and then back on assistance again. Its so easily to judge and be critical when you never know the situation and can only see as far as what your eyes show you. I have worked at programs that offer assistance and have experienced a situation where a woman was divorced with 4 children. Her husband left her for his mistress and all she had was there black Cadillac Escalade. It was paid off. but looked like it was new because it was well maintained. It was hard on her because she always had a certain lifestyle and she thanked me one day for not looking down on her and she burst into tears that day in the office. She said every time she went to the grocery store to swipe her food stamp card she had crazy looks because her kids was so well dressed, but no one knew those clothes were from her previous lifestyle. She even told me one time a lady followed her out of the store just to see what she drove! I came from a family of 7 siblings and my dad owned a construction business my mom was a homemaker and we grew up poor. My dad was the jack-of-all trades and worked very hard, but our family of 10 was too large. So I understand and I vowed to never live the way I lived and I managed to live up to that vow. However, when I was pregnant I couldn't work due to complications and my husband had a fairly decent job at the plant. The plant shut down and we had to get on government assistance. At the time we drove an Ford Expedition and people accused us (not knowing) of beating the system and the Expedition wasn't fancy! So I understand how it is to be poor, for a family to loose a job, and to be looked down on.....Oh here's another story my good friend of mines owns a beauty shop (who is also an author)....and she is very talented!! She has been doing my hair for 17 years. When my husband lost his job at the plant she knew of my situation and did my hair for free! I refused, but she always insisted. Others thought I was beating the system with my hair done and driving an Expedition....so we can't be so quick to judge. Especially if you have never been there!

[Ariana]

Nevermind old thread!

[happymom]

What I want to know is WHY ARE WE PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE PAY FOR THEIR GROCERIES!?

I have never in my life noticed that someone was paying for groceries with something other than cash/credit card. Occasionally I will become annoyed with the price matchers that take 30 minutes at the register, or the guy at the self checkout who is paying with A HANDFUL OF COINS.

I guess I don't get why it's anyone's business but their own if they are on assistance.

[happymom]

Sorry, I also didn't realize it was old.

[Blackcat31]

What I want to know is WHY ARE WE PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE PAY FOR THEIR GROCERIES!?

I have never in my life noticed that someone was paying for groceries with something other than cash/credit card. Occasionally I will become annoyed with the price matchers that take 30 minutes at the register, or the guy at the self checkout who is paying with A HANDFUL OF COINS.

I guess I don't get why it's anyone's business but their own if they are on assistance.

Normally I would agree that what someone does is their own business....however, the families that most of us (as providers) are venting about aren't the random people on assistance but are venting about the families we have in care that "dump" their children at daycare every day while they spend as little of their free time as possible on raising or even being "with" those children.

Like the Unregistered that tried to show a different perspective ... I try hard not to judge others but when I see certain behaviors day in and day out from families I've gotten to know pretty well over the years, it's a completely different story.

...and when one of my single moms (who pays very little towards her child care costs) complains to me that she can't afford to buy her child mittens because she is saving her "extra" money for her upcoming trip to the Caribbean, it IS my right to judge.

Sorry, I also didn't realize it was old.

Not old enough that the topic isn't relevant still.

[happymom]

I totally get that, also as a provider you see the inside WAY more than someone standing in line at the grocery store.

I just feel bad that people have to worry about being judged, especially if they are going through a hard time financially.