Need Advice Please

[Greenshadow]

Right now I have my own son who is 3 1/2. I have two boys that just turned 2 years old, a 4-mo old infant boy, who is brothers with one of the two year olds, and a 14 month old. The 14 month old boy cries all day long! I had one day where he was amazingly good. No screaming or crying. Then the weekend came and it started all over again on Monday. My husband is home with me right now. His new job starts the middle of February. I had been thinking about terming this little boy because I just cant stand the screaming all day. The infant hears him and cries too. If someone comes to the door, either going in it or out of it, he screams. If the dog barks, he screams. If I leave the room, he screams. If I have him in the high chair and have to walk away for a second, even if Im in eye sight, he screams. God forbid if I go upstairs for a minute and leave my husband with them! He screams bloody murder and waits at the bottom of the stairs for me to come back down. He screams all day long. Its very disruptive and the other kids just stare at him and cant figure out whats wrong with him. He keeps me hostage in the area he is in and screams if I walk away at all.

Anyway, the lady next door had a baby 3 months ago. She wanted me to watch her son but I couldnt because I was full. Well, she came to me yesterday and asked if I had a spot open yet. I told her that I didnt. She was really upset. I guess the place where her son is now is not good. She thinks that the lady leaves her baby in his carseat all day, buckled in, even. She said that numerous times they pick him up and he's spit up all over his shirt and down his front and he's soaking wet. She said one day she came early to get him and the lady went into the bathroom to get him and he was in his carseat buckled in! She asked why he was in there and she said because she had just changed him and the doorbell rang. She isnt buying it. Yesterday she went to get him early from work and didnt call first because she wanted to catch her off guard. The baby was in her bedroom in the carseat buckled in wide awake with no supervision. She asked her about why her son was in there and she said that he was napping. He was wide awake and the mother told her that and she said "Oh, well, I had just changed his diaper." So why was he left alone in the bedroom in a carseat? Weird stuff going on. Anyway, she is desperate to have me keep him for her. The problem is: One of the moms that I have two boys that I watch full time doesnt want me taking in anymore infants. She wants her son to be the only one. I understand her logic but at the same time, how can I tell my neighbor "No" and let her continue keeping her child in the place she is in? I was thinking of having this baby take the place of the screamer boy that I have. I believe infants are easier to care for then toddlers. They arent mobile yet, etc.

What would you do in this case? I think I need to talk to the mother of the two boys I currently watch and let her know what Im doing so she can decide to keep her boys with me or not. Right now, my husband and I are both home all day. The ratio is super low. I would term the screamer boy and take in the infant. Even once my husband goes back to work, I'd still have the same number I have now. I look at it like this...her baby would have a playmate and her older son would still have the friends he's been playing with for a year now. Its a win-win. She might not think so. She may just term because she doesnt want me watching two babies.

[pinkbunny85]

IMO I would term the screamer. this is your business that you are running, so if you want to take in your neighbor's infant you should. just let the mom of the infant that you have know and let her decide what she wants to do.

also that is horrible how your neighbor's son is being treated where he is now

[littlemissmuffet]

Hi Greenshadow,

First of all, I hope your neighbor reports her current daycare provider immediately, because it sounds like what is going on is neglect and abuse. Even if her suspicions are wrong, better safe than sorry.

Secondly, regarding terming the screamer boy... it would really depend on how long he was in my care before coming to this decision. How long have you had him for? I usually give a child 2-3 weeks to adjust and settle before making any kind of serious determinations on their behavior, etc.

As for the DCM of your two DCBs... it's your business and your call, not hers. Situations and circumstances change and that's life, she can either deal with it or walk.

Best of luck!

[QualiTcare]

i agree with the others, but i have to say both of my kids pretty much lived in their carseats when they were infants. every time they got tired or upset, i could put them in their carseat and tuck a blanket around them and it was like magic. i don't know if it's because that's where they sat when the car was moving and they equated it with sleep or what. my son was worse than my daughter - we just gave in and let him sleep in his seat at night right beside of our bed.

maybe the provider has found that it's soothing for the baby - or not, but you never know.

[Michael]

i agree with the others, but i have to say both of my kids pretty much lived in their carseats when they were infants. every time they got tired or upset, i could put them in their carseat and tuck a blanket around them and it was like magic. i don't know if it's because that's where they sat when the car was moving and they equated it with sleep or what. my son was worse than my daughter - we just gave in and let him sleep in his seat at night right beside of our bed.

maybe the provider has found that it's soothing for the baby - or not, but you never know.

Yep, our son was colic and a screamer. Putting him in the car seat and taking a short drive always put him to sleep. Tough though at 4am in the morning.

[katie]

I would term the screamer for sure. I just termed mine. He is 8 months. Aside from mom never paying on time, he screams if I leave the room. He has to have someone, usually me in the room. Dch and my kids and other dcks can be in there, but he screams. All through naps, all day. Nobody in my family could take it anymore. Also, It's your business. It is not up to the other mom to decide who you can and can't take. You don't owe her an explanation about anything. Best of luck! Hope it all turns out well.

[ninosqueridos]

Unless you signed some agreement with DCM about only caring for one infant at a time, then I wouldn't worry about her. Who is she to tell you how to run your business? If she wants one on one care, she could hire a nanny.

How long have you had the screamer?

My niece was always in a carseat, too - but if your neighbor has a gut feeling something is off, I could see why she would want to pull the baby out of there.

I would probably term the screamer and hope for the best with the other 2.

Are you comfortable with watching your neighbor's child? I mean, God forbid something happens (like let's say, she doesn't pay on time, picks the baby up late, etc)....wouldn't it be weird having to live next door to this person if you end up having to terminate? Just a thought.

Good luck.

[Abigail]

I would term the screamer, you have a good reason and want to in the back of your mind. I would also take the infant and not tell the other mom that you have a new infant until she notices, . It is your business and having two infants is better than the three infant limit so you can assure her that you will be unable to take any infant until they reach two years old or whatever your rule is.

As far as the carseat, nothing against the parents who let their infant stay in a carseat for whatever reasons. In our state, it is illegal to have an infant in a carseat if they are not in a vehicle. This would draw a HUGE concern to me and I would strongly urge your friend/neighbor to call and report the daycare even if it may not be licensed because it turns into being neglect. She might be able to sue if she does it right....she might have to stay there long enough for court or something, I don't know, but call licensing for advice.

[Greenshadow]

The screamer has been with me for almost a month now and he's still screaming. I think thats plenty of time for him to transition and he just isnt.

The issue with the carseat is that this little baby is not a problem out of the carseat. He is a good baby. He doesnt need to be in the seat all day, as I understand some do.

Thanks guys for your input. Its good to get validation that what you're doing is the right thing.

[Childminder]

Sounds like you already know what to do. Keeping a child that disrupts your life and ruins the "chi" is not worth it. Trust me, been there.

[nannyde]

I do not provide care to neighbors especially one next door. This is opening yourself up to a LOT of problems. Good fences make good neighbors.

Ask yourself if it will be okay with you when you see them home for hours upon hours while they have the baby at your house every single minute they can have him there? Will it bother you that when other kids can't make it wheather wise that he is just a house away and will be your only kid? Imagine them NOT paying you on time and seeing the wide screen TV they bring in. Imagine how it's going to feel if it doesn't work and you have an enemy next door who watches your business and calls DHS or the City to retaliate even if what she is saying isn't true? Imagine if you have their sick kid and know they are off for the day and won't answer their phones? Imagine how it will feel when they want to come hang out on weekends and how they come hang out in the morning and after their contracted hours. Imagine the kid getting older and wanting to play at your house and just coming on over. Imagine the Mom doing a Pop in on you and not wanting to leave... wanting HOURS of "visiting my baby" at day care.

I could go on and on... but it is VERY risky to care for neighbor kids.

I would boot the screamer if you don't think you can get him to go native and go hunting for new day care kids. I would stay OUT of the neighbors day care drama and realize there is a GOOD chance that she is coming up with WORDS that will get you to take her kid because she KNOWS how much easier it will be for her to have a Nanny like neighbor a few feet from her house.