What Am I Doing Wrong??

[SunflowerMama]

I need some advice. This is my 8th year in daycare and I feel like I'm repeating myself, re-directing and correcting 10 hrs a day. We have a large .5 acre yard so spend a lot of our day outdoors, eat mostly organic meals and are pretty much play-based with a little packaged curriculum tossed in.

Inside I'm constantly repeating, "no jumping on the couch", "walking feet", "gentle hands with your friends" (they all hit and push each other), "kinds words please", outside - "rocks aren't for throwing", "please don't hit your friends with sticks", "flowers are for looking at not picking", "don't throw sand", etc., etc., etc.

It's exhausting and I feel like none of them listen to me. They disobey, talk back, don't mind the house rules and are so rough with each other. My group is ages 2-4 1/2 and mixed boy/girl with some sibling groups tossed in.

What am I doing wrong? There are days when I feel like I'm completely burnt out and doing a horrible job. Any advice would be wonderful!

[Pestle]

What are the consequences when they don't immediately follow your instructions?

And are they hearing a steady stream of "Don't do that. . . don't do that. . . don't do that. . . " while their peers are running around, getting them riled up to do just that? If that's the case, you might want to pick just two or three problems to address at a time, and let the others slide until those critical ones are locked down.

I only have a small sample size so far--I've been in operation for less than a year. But I can tell that it's very difficult undoing a destructive habit or getting kids to listen when they've never had a reason to before. I tell the children, "Oh. So sad. This flower is dead now. I want my flowers to live and grow, so the bees and the butterflies can use them and so I can see them every day. We don't touch the flowers. We wave hi to them. Hi, flowers!" The more conscientious kids pick up on this quickly and start to police the other kids. ::

[Ariana]

Seems odd that no one is listening after repeatedly telling them to stop. This makes me think the consequences are not tough enough. what I do is make kids sit out of an activity if they cannot listen. I explain the expectations before doing it and explain the consequences for not listening and then follow through.

Today I filled my water table with sensory play type things. I told them "the sensory stuff stays IN the bin, do not throw it on the floor. If I see anyone throwing things on the floor they will be asked to sit out...does everyone understand?". Then the first offender (usually the same person and within 2 seconds) gets to demonstrate to everyone that I mean business. Child is forced to leave the area and watch their friends play from far away. After a few moments I ask them if they would like to try again and they are able to comply.

i would definitely be making kids sit out!

[SunflowerMama]

I do have kids sit in a time spot and miss out on whatever is going on. I of course have my repeat offenders who are more likely not to listen. When they get out many times they go right back to what they were doing to land in TO.
I have a set of twins that really like to push the boundaries and mom and dad are having similar problems with them at home (constant defiance and not listening). These 2 kids only come twice a week so I think the lack of consistency and getting in the groove of following our rules might be a big part of the problem. I also notice that the behavior of all the other kids is much crazier on the day these 2 are here.

[debbiedoeszip]

I don't think that you are doing anything wrong. I kind of think that with the age group that you care for (and so do I) that this is the nature of the beast. When you are the parent, you watch your child age and mature and outgrow the need to be corrected (or, at least, repeatedly corrected for the same thing), but daycare kids just age out before they reach this point. And then you get a new child or bunch and start over again.

If you are feeling burnt out, is there a possibility to take a break and do something different? Job outside of the home for a while?

[Ariana]

I do have kids sit in a time spot and miss out on whatever is going on. I of course have my repeat offenders who are more likely not to listen. When they get out many times they go right back to what they were doing to land in TO.
I have a set of twins that really like to push the boundaries and mom and dad are having similar problems with them at home (constant defiance and not listening). These 2 kids only come twice a week so I think the lack of consistency and getting in the groove of following our rules might be a big part of the problem. I also notice that the behavior of all the other kids is much crazier on the day these 2 are here.

I have two kids that are similar. They are always my offenders. Very little discipline at home so they get triple from me. They are only here two days a week so there isn't a whole lot I can do at this point like you said. They start out ok but as they get bored they get more out of hand and the 3 yr old is always saying "why Ariana" when I discipline him! Lol

[KayB]

For myself what works is to don't acknowledge the behavior UNLESS someone is unsafe. I acknowledge the ones that are doing a good job and just throw praises at them constantly! "Oh, Bella what an awesome job you are doing picking up the toys." "Wow Kyler I am liking the way you are so nice to your friends." Just whatever the ones who ARE listening following rules need to get the attention NOT the ones who aren't. The ones who aren't will take notice and want to impress you to show you they to can do good deeds! I would also give stamps, stickers, a prize at the end of day for the ones who did listen and mind. For the ones who didn't would get a sad face stamp so they aren't "left out"

[tenderhearts]

I know how you feel, however I only have 2 that I am repeatedly repeating these things too. However, one of them is my biter than I gave termination notice to and I think the other one is acting out due to my shadowing of the other boy. I am hoping it will get better.
My problem I have been having is, NO ONE will find something to do. I warn them that they need to find something, I direct them and if they don't I will have them sit in the book center and look at books for a bit then all over again. It is so frustrating.

[debbiedoeszip]

I know how you feel, however I only have 2 that I am repeatedly repeating these things too. However, one of them is my biter than I gave termination notice to and I think the other one is acting out due to my shadowing of the other boy. I am hoping it will get better.
My problem I have been having is, NO ONE will find something to do. I warn them that they need to find something, I direct them and if they don't I will have them sit in the book center and look at books for a bit then all over again. It is so frustrating.

What do you mean that they won't find something to do? What are they doing instead?

[daycare]

what are you doing to be proactive to stop these behaviors from repeating?

[Hunni Bee]

Loss of privileges is the best discipline method in my opinion. It's totally up to them how far they want to go with it.

I've had kids lose every privilege every day for a week until they got it. They came to school, did our academic work, ate, napped and played with alone with toys I chose. On they playground, they rode a bike til we went in.

I'd very sweetly and lovingly make everything a privilege except the essentials. Establish the rules in a positive way as Pestle said and make the stuff you've gone over a million times (like jumping on the furniture) and stuff that's serious (like hitting) one and done. The rest of the little stuff, ignore for the time being. The first time they violate the rule, "Oh no. You jumped on the couch. You lose playing near the couch" ....lead to boring toys far away from couch.

Of course, start pulling out your most fun activities

Also, if you have at least six, I'd divide into two groups, playing on different sides of the room/yard. Separate all siblings if possible.

HTH :hug:

[Unregistered]

Set up expectations before the day starts, remind them of the consequences, follow through immediately when behavior starts, separate kids if they feed off each other, be FIRM and STERN, yes, notice and comment on the positive behaviors you desire, if they throw sand they are out of the sandbox immediately, (I maybe would give in a little here if it's a young child-toddler who is just learning) etc.

Is there a ring leader that's mainly doing most if this or getting a few to follow him/her? Separate that child away from others.....you need to play at the table on your own kind of thing for awhile and let the child know it will happen each and every time.

I don't know your set up and this may not be the issue but Inside do you have enough interest areas, engaging toys and do you rotate toys? My experience is many times misbehaving kids are bored kids.

What about your schedule? Do you need to break up/change up the day a bit?. Again, just throwing ideas out there.

Probably sounds crazy but is there a possibility of too many rules?

While the majority of time we are having fun, I'm an upbeat lets do great, cool things person the kids know I'm firm and stern when needed and I don't need to be often because I don't put up with children not listening.

I've read of where providers get cheap throw rugs and set them out and the kids bring a bin of toys go the rug and play in their own area if things get out of control-a lot like my version, which is sit at the table and play with table toys.

[Mummy101]

What are the consequences when they don't immediately follow your instructions?

And are they hearing a steady stream of "Don't do that. . . don't do that. . . don't do that. . . " while their peers are running around, getting them riled up to do just that? If that's the case, you might want to pick just two or three problems to address at a time, and let the others slide until those critical ones are locked down.

I only have a small sample size so far--I've been in operation for less than a year. But I can tell that it's very difficult undoing a destructive habit or getting kids to listen when they've never had a reason to before. I tell the children, "Oh. So sad. This flower is dead now. I want my flowers to live and grow, so the bees and the butterflies can use them and so I can see them every day. We don't touch the flowers. We wave hi to them. Hi, flowers!" The more conscientious kids pick up on this quickly and start to police the other kids. ::

I agree, sound advice! While it is definitely awesome that all my kiddos know the house rules, my problem IS the other children policing! :: They are constantly on each other about the rules and THAT causes a problem too. Mine especially, I consistently remind her, "she is not the Mommy".

[ColorfulSunburst]

maybe you have too many prohibitions and rules?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Can you remove the ITEMS that are causing issues?

No flowers that are accessible to the kids.
No sand or rocks accessible for now. Just a water table (that you remove the child from if they're splashing another with water - just a simple, "Uh oh. You didn't keep it in the table. Go play over there now.")
No couch to jump on.
Re-arranging the furniture so there is no chance to run.
Pushing and hitting? Playing by themself. "Uh oh, you hurt Sally. I can't let you hurt my friends. You need to play here now."