When Children Refuse Redirection?

[Unregistered]

I'll be honest, I'm pretty new at being a daycare teacher. I've been working for a private daycare for three years, but it's sort of a chain and there's such a high turnover it's difficult to find a mentor or someone to help be better at the job.

What do you do when a child flat out refuses redirection as an option to unacceptable behavior, like throwing toys, stealing toys from friends, or hitting friends?

Basic scenario in the daycare I work at:
Child hits friend with a toy.
We talk about being gentle, using our words, we brain storm some things to say instead of hitting. They go off to play.
Child does it again. We talk about it and it's clear the repeat offender is at fault here.
I tell them they have to pick a new center to play in now. I offer choices or suggest they pull out something new.
They refuse, run away from me and circle around the center they were playing at.
If I keep telling them that that center is no longer an option, I have to follow the child around and "guard" the center, which is ridiculous.

This too results in a HUGE tantrum, from a three year old, who is trying to swipe toys from that center, refusing to sit on a time out, refusing to play at any other center, just basically refusing all options besides the one they want.

In this instance I held the child, and told them that when they calmed down and were ready to choose something else I would let go, but that we can't hurt friends and we can't run around the room screaming.

But then I'm awkwardly holding this out of control child, worried about whether or not it looks like I'm hurting them or if my actions are helping at all.

What else can I be doing in this situation?? When I can, I'll sit with them outside or in another room until they are ready to rejoin the group, but that's not always an option if I'm by myself. Or that will take a very long time, leaving the other teacher to look after everyone else.

Sometimes too I feel like redirection becomes too close to bartering and appeasing a naughty child when what they really need is to just be told "No." Sometimes you don't get a consolation prize for bad behavior like hitting, throwing, screaming, you just miss out.

[daycarediva]

I'll be honest, I'm pretty new at being a daycare teacher. I've been working for a private daycare for three years, but it's sort of a chain and there's such a high turnover it's difficult to find a mentor or someone to help be better at the job.

What do you do when a child flat out refuses redirection as an option to unacceptable behavior, like throwing toys, stealing toys from friends, or hitting friends?

Basic scenario in the daycare I work at:
Child hits friend with a toy.
We talk about being gentle, using our words, we brain storm some things to say instead of hitting. They go off to play.
Child does it again. We talk about it and it's clear the repeat offender is at fault here.
I tell them they have to pick a new center to play in now. I offer choices or suggest they pull out something new.
They refuse, run away from me and circle around the center they were playing at.
If I keep telling them that that center is no longer an option, I have to follow the child around and "guard" the center, which is ridiculous.

This too results in a HUGE tantrum, from a three year old, who is trying to swipe toys from that center, refusing to sit on a time out, refusing to play at any other center, just basically refusing all options besides the one they want.

In this instance I held the child, and told them that when they calmed down and were ready to choose something else I would let go, but that we can't hurt friends and we can't run around the room screaming.

But then I'm awkwardly holding this out of control child, worried about whether or not it looks like I'm hurting them or if my actions are helping at all.

What else can I be doing in this situation?? When I can, I'll sit with them outside or in another room until they are ready to rejoin the group, but that's not always an option if I'm by myself. Or that will take a very long time, leaving the other teacher to look after everyone else.

Sometimes too I feel like redirection becomes too close to bartering and appeasing a naughty child when what they really need is to just be told "No." Sometimes you don't get a consolation prize for bad behavior like hitting, throwing, screaming, you just miss out.

Calm down spot. We have a space where all screaming, tantruming, out of control children go that is soft, safe, comforting and otherwise out of the way of the rest of the group until they regain control.

Self regulation is a HARD skill for some kids to master but at 3 (new 3?) they're especially challenging.

"Joe, please sit here until you calm down." redirect him BACK to the calm down space until he is CALM.

Also I suggest setting the stage so to speak BEFORE anything happens "Joe, we will NOT throw toys OR you will leave this center." No second chances.

[Ariana]

Calm down spot. We have a space where all screaming, tantruming, out of control children go that is soft, safe, comforting and otherwise out of the way of the rest of the group until they regain control.

Self regulation is a HARD skill for some kids to master but at 3 (new 3?) they're especially challenging.

"Joe, please sit here until you calm down." redirect him BACK to the calm down space until he is CALM.

Also I suggest setting the stage so to speak BEFORE anything happens "Joe, we will NOT throw toys OR you will leave this center." No second chances.

All of this and don't be afraid to physically lead them where they need to go. Praise for compliance always helps too.

[Meeko]

Honestly...you shouldn't have to deal with that kind of behavior. While you are chasing the child around the room, the other children cannot have your attention.

I would call the director in. Let her deal with it and then hopefully she will call the parents to come pick up and make this THEIR problem...as it should be.

As a home provider, I would call the parents to come pick up a child that refused to listen at all. Until you make it THEIR problem, they will do nothing to curb it. It's amazing how having to leave work a few times to pick up an unruly child makes them get with the program and begin dealing with their child's behavior.

[Pestle]

Calm-down spaces don't work for anxious, explosive kids who wrench away from you when led to the calm-down area and try to climb gates/open doors that are off-limits. I've had two 3yo kids like that and had to term both of them. Once they have a certain amount of mobility and strength, they can get almost anywhere they want to get--breaking cabinet doors that have child locks, slamming baby gates so hard the gates wrench out of their frames, scaling fences when playing outside. Most of the other kids their age are probably capable of doing those things, but their executive function is keeping up with their motor skills. I have to able to keep kids safe, so if they're dead set on endangering themselves or other kids in the program, they can't stay here.

[Ariana]

I had a child who was like this at the centre I worked in. I took a chair and placed it in the corner and told her to sit. She kept getting off, I kept bringing her back, calmly and assertively. I never lost my cool and was calm, non reactive. I brought her back to that chair over 20 times and she even picked the chair up and threw it. She kicked me, hit me you name it. By the end she was sitting in that chair for me and remained there for the duration of the "time out". I am not a fan of time outs and never use them but for kids like this is works because it nips behaviors in the bud immediately. Once they react to your level of authority you can implement other strategies.

[Mom2Two]

I had a child who was like this at the centre I worked in. I took a chair and placed it in the corner and told her to sit. She kept getting off, I kept bringing her back, calmly and assertively. I never lost my cool and was calm, non reactive. I brought her back to that chair over 20 times and she even picked the chair up and threw it. She kicked me, hit me you name it. By the end she was sitting in that chair for me and remained there for the duration of the "time out". I am not a fan of time outs and never use them but for kids like this is works because it nips behaviors in the bud immediately. Once they react to your level of authority you can implement other strategies.

It takes sooo much energy to stay calm with that. I can't do it very often. Kudos.

[Mom2Two]

OP I'm not sure what to suggest in this situation exactly, but I would say that the only hope for change is to be super-strict with him and also to get parents on board like Meeko said. I find it hard to believe that a child would act like this without having either a diagnosis-type problem or reeeeaaaalllly bad parenting at home (no discipline or totally random discipline).

I guess that terming isn't that easy in a center, right?

I've had several children who I had to be very, very firm with--beyond normal discipline (like long stays in a calm-down place if they're just not listening).

Last year, my three year old dcb decided to become a biter suddenly, and he's a bit high-spirited/rambunctious under the best of circumstances. I have a rule with the kids that if they're not getting along with other kids or not being nice to my stuff (toys) they have to sit at the table and just draw or sit. Usually this is not a long stint--maybe 10 minutes or so. But with this three year old, the usual discipline wasn't working, and I got to the end of my rope, where if he couldn't pull out of it, I'd have to term.

The next time he bit, I had him sit at the table for two or so hours until he got picked, with many stern talking-to sessions during that time. BUT that was the last time he bit. True story. His parents were totally supportive of this.

But this kid wasn't as wild as some. The truly wild ones can seem as difficult as a wild bronco.

[CalCare]

Two hours is really long to make a child sit at a table. Is that actually allowed where you are? It isn't here. I know you said parents were on board. But, parents can't give permission for providers to break laws.

[Unregistered]

Thanks for all the feedback. There are quite a few situations like this with different kids at the center I work in. Is that not normal? Calm down zones are great but they only work if the child let's themselves be put there. I have been doing a lot of "time in" outside with kids, and that works pretty well so long as other teachers can handle the room while I'm giving attention to one. And "going for a walk" can work well too to change their mindset.