Managing 11mo Screaming

[Pestle]

Got a new one phasing in this week. We're on day 2. She's been with Daddy at home since she was born. Parents say she does fine in the nursery at church. On day 1, she had to be picked up for refusing to eat. Today, she's figured out that she's going to be here for a while, so she's SCREAMING.

Full volume, throat-shredding, crazed-sports-fan screaming.

I fully expect bumpy phase-ins, especially for a part-time child who's older the first time she enters care, but the volume is a challenge. It's much too loud for her to be around the other kids.

She's sitting on my legs right now, with watery eyes and a stuck-out lower lip, doing the little gasping inhales of a very sad child. But when I get up, or just every few minutes, the screaming starts again.

-Other than terming or calling for pick up, how have you approached disruptive screaming in a child this age?
-Is it developmentally appropriate for an 11mo to be deposited in our quiet corner every time the LOUD screams start, or is she too young for that? (It's an open space so she comes back out again.)
-Are there any ways to positively reinforce not screaming in child this age?
-Do you ever try to force a nap on a child this age so they'll level out afterward? What's the line between "child is taking a while to fall asleep" and "I'm taking the easy route/breaking licensing rules by dumping the child in a crib away from everybody else"?
-Anybody wanna bring me a virgin hot toddy and a bedside toilet? I have a post-nasal drip that's irritating my throat, I kinda have to pee, and if I budge she's gonna start up again.

[Indoorvoice]

I think the cry spot is appropriate at this age and I have used it. They are very capable of learning boundaries and consequences. I do not see this as a punishment or breaking licensing rules. It is a simple message that it is ok to cry, but not ok to disrupt the group. You can do it with love and patience and it will still be effective. It took me one week with my most recent crier. She was 10 months. By day 3 she was considerably better. If it took longer than a week I would have to term for the sake of the child and group. It is not ok for a child to be that sad for that long.

[Sumshine]

I agree they are VERY capable of understanding you!

I don't think letting them cry in an open space where they can clearly see you and you can clearly see them is a "punishment". I would just be cautious that it isn't appearing as if you are sending them off to a corner or something but the way you are describing it seems like it would be just fine!

I have a small hallway that leads to the door to the bedroom where all the kids sleep. It is very visible from the general daycare area, it is not super confining, and it's not a corner... I send kiddos there to have their "emotions". Whether its crying, whining, or screaming after I politely try to redirect the emotions/make them feel better once that's where they go.

No matter the age they typically go on for a couple minutes and then reenter the group themselves. If their emotions are done and they haven't reentered the group themselves I will invite them back to play with us "Oh DCB! You look like you feel so much better! Come on and build with us!" It makes it clear that it wasn't a punishment or a timeout but a place where they can go until they feel better and are ready to play

I really don't see any issue with it the only thing that I would feel could be an issue is if somebody took it the wrong way because in my state we can't "discipline" infants. I don't feel that this is disciplining them but what others may feel is disciplining may be different!

[Leigh]

I thought it was not appropriate to use a cry spot at this age until my pediatrician suggested it for a foster child. This foster child had been with me since 4 months of age, and around 11-12 months, the doctor suggested this. There were attachment issues with this child due to total neglect the first 4 months (he lived in a car seat with nearly no interaction-his head was molded to the shape of the seat).

This child screamed 8-9 hours a day, every day. Most of the time he was awake. We would put him in a pack and play in another room with the door open and tell him " it sounds like you need some time to scream. I'll come get you when you're done screaming". And when the screaming was done, we would rush to get him out IMMEDIATELY, so that he would know that the quiet was the reason he was getting picked up.

This not only stopped the screaming very quickly, but the child soon actually attached to us (and I can tell you the very moment that it happened-it sounds crazy, but he just shut off the screaming and smiled at me, came to me to be picked up, and was the sweetest, happiest child ever after that). I was worried that separating him would make him feel that his needs would not be met and impede attachment, but I think that when he realized that he was in control of when I would come pick him up, it made all the difference. I thought that our pediatrician was insane, but I will be forever grateful to him for the advice he gave me that day.

[Pestle]

The nap worked so far--she yawned, I bolted for the crib in the back bedroom and plunked her into it, and three minutes later she was out. She woke up cooing to herself. She's still got my pants leg in a death grip and I'm sure it won't only be a needed nap that sets this off, but I'm no longer cross-eyed with pain from the sound.

[Jupadia]

I get most of my babies between 11 to 13 months cause of the 1 year mat leave in Canada. I find its preaty normal for the kid to cry a lot when not by thier side more so if it's the parents first kid. There so use to being the kept close for most of the day it realy becomes a big adjustment for them. I'll uselly let them sit beside me for the first day or so for the most part but not on me this way I slip over and do this or that or something with other kids . For the most part I ignore the crying as much as posible. If I need a break I'll put them in the playpen to see if they may need a quick nap. I find once a week or so passes they start getting better but may still cry if I'm out of sight doing diaper changes or hang at the gate a cry while I prep lunch. But within a couple weeks most give up that.