Time To Bite The Bullet

[DaycareDays126]

I have finally made the decision to let a dck go that I have been caring for since this child was a baby and, to be honest, I'm so torn up about it. I have known for a while (well pretty much since they started) that I had to let this child go but I kept hoping things would get better.

This child is 2 yo and has ZERO self control. It started in the very beginning with screaming, crying, throwing fits ALL DAY LONG! I thought that was the worst of it...until dck got TEETH. Ever since biting has either happened or had to be intercepted almost on a daily basis. This child's parents are GREAT. We work together well and together we have tried everything and nothing is helping, just getting worse and worse. I have tried all sorts of time out, simple talks, and everything in between. This child is very much advanced in almost every other aspect but controlling their emotions. Now the child is exhibiting their anger in more serious ways. Just today there has been a bite, hitting, and (first time for this one) the child clenched her teeth and put her hands around another child's neck and said "I said I don't want it!" when offered a toy. This was the last straw for me. I can't do it anymore and it's not fair to anyone involved. The children that are getting hurt, the child that is hurting others, ME! This child spends 90% of their day right next to me or completely separated from the other children because anything will set this child off and dck will strike. This happens during free play or structured activities. My entire day is based around this child and the stress is unimaginable.

I feel terrible having to do this as the child and I have a very strong bond as I do with her parents but I can't keep the other children safe while this child is here. I wish there was something else I could do but I'm hoping a change of environment is what this child needs to really work up to their potential.

Has anyone ever dealt with this before? I know I am not supposed to get so attached or form "friendships" but it's kind of hard not to :/ I could use some help wording this to the child's mother...I am sooooooooooo not looking forward to it. Any advice is appreciated!

[Mom2Two]

You have to put safety first no matter what. It sounds like it's hard, but there could be other problems if there are safety concerns.

I had a dcg who was so oppositional and had such melt downs that I yelled at that kid every. single. day. Later I realized that I was breaking a licensing rule by yelling at her.

The child is the parents' problem. They need to get other help it sounds like.

[childcaremom]

I've dealt with a situation similar to this in the past.

I tried everything. Parents were on board. But nothing was working. It was so stressful.

I ended up terming. I told mom that I thought that the best thing to curb the behaviour was a change of scenery, new environment. That I've taken on children who were biters in other situations and they had success here. So I had high hopes for her success in a new setting. That she deserved to be in a setting where she could succeed.

It really helped soften the blow for mom. I really liked this mom and she really did try but once this little one was gone..... oh the relief.

I didn't realize how much it stressed me out until she was gone. It took about a month for me to decompress.

[Ariana]

I've dealt with a situation similar to this in the past.

I tried everything. Parents were on board. But nothing was working. It was so stressful.

I ended up terming. I told mom that I thought that the best thing to curb the behaviour was a change of scenery, new environment. That I've taken on children who were biters in other situations and they had success here. So I had high hopes for her success in a new setting. That she deserved to be in a setting where she could succeed.

It really helped soften the blow for mom. I really liked this mom and she really did try but once this little one was gone..... oh the relief.

I didn't realize how much it stressed me out until she was gone. It took about a month for me to decompress.

This is great! The idea that this child needs something that perhaps you cannot provide helps soften the blow for sure. I have also said "they deserve the very best in care so I have to be honest about my inability to provide what child needs". I always sort of put the blame on me so as not to cause a rift or say something specific about a child. The parent knows why you are terming anyway because its been discussed.

I personally do not tolerate violent kids. They just creat such a bad environment for everyone. I even have it written in my contract that it is a behavior I do not tolerate. I will try and work on it but after a few weeks of no improvment they need to go.

Sorry it had to end this way for you :hug:

[Gemma]

I've been there and I know that there are no advises for some situations, other than Terminate
:hug:

[sahm1225]

I've dealt with a situation similar to this in the past.

I tried everything. Parents were on board. But nothing was working. It was so stressful.

I ended up terming. I told mom that I thought that the best thing to curb the behaviour was a change of scenery, new environment. That I've taken on children who were biters in other situations and they had success here. So I had high hopes for her success in a new setting. That she deserved to be in a setting where she could succeed.

It really helped soften the blow for mom. I really liked this mom and she really did try but once this little one was gone..... oh the relief.

I didn't realize how much it stressed me out until she was gone. It took about a month for me to decompress.

This. I did this with a dcb3. The weight lifted off my shoulders when he left was huge! I still talk to the dcm (became friends after they left daycare) and he really did just need a change of scenery ... and smaller group, but I still see him around and he's a changed little guy.