The Overly Affectionate Child

[Leigh]

I have a little girl, almost 6, who has been in my care for about a year. She has always been overly affectionate. Hugs me at inappropriate times (when I'm busy with paperwork or cooking, when I am feeding a baby or taking a phone call). Tells me she loves me at least 12 times a day, and tells me I'm the best sitter ever. Her last daycare was an illegal one with over 20 kids, so I'm sure it's a little better here!

Anyway, because of my experience with foster kids, this just screams disinhibited RAD to me. I know that she doesn't have it (though her behavior here is PERFECT other than the affection thing and I know there are some behavior issues at home).

All I do is step out of hugs that are inappropriate, returning them only if they are given at a time that a hug might be appropriate (and not a way to put my attention on her).

What do you think is going on with this girl? Should I be concerned about her? I think that her home life is OK (her parents separated for about a year and reunified right before she started with me. There is an older sibling who lives with a relative (by choice-the older sib had some adjustment/conduct issues and asked to live with relative).

What's your opinion on the child? Should I worry? What do you think I should do to address the behavior?

[Blackcat31]

I have a little girl, almost 6, who has been in my care for about a year. She has always been overly affectionate. Hugs me at inappropriate times (when I'm busy with paperwork or cooking, when I am feeding a baby or taking a phone call). Tells me she loves me at least 12 times a day, and tells me I'm the best sitter ever. Her last daycare was an illegal one with over 20 kids, so I'm sure it's a little better here!

Anyway, because of my experience with foster kids, this just screams disinhibited RAD to me. I know that she doesn't have it (though her behavior here is PERFECT other than the affection thing and I know there are some behavior issues at home).

All I do is step out of hugs that are inappropriate, returning them only if they are given at a time that a hug might be appropriate (and not a way to put my attention on her).

What do you think is going on with this girl? Should I be concerned about her? I think that her home life is OK (her parents separated for about a year and reunified right before she started with me. There is an older sibling who lives with a relative (by choice-the older sib had some adjustment/conduct issues and asked to live with relative).

What's your opinion on the child? Should I worry? What do you think I should do to address the behavior?

I have one just like this. She is a middle child. Older sister (mom's shining star) and younger brother (mom's little baby) so middle sis has simply figured out that being affectionate and complimentary is a good way to get attention. She is THE definition of a brown noser... I would never say that outloud but I think it in my head alot...:: She is a happy kid that would give you her candybar before eating herself.... but I've noticed over the last 18 months or so that I've had her in care, that she uses affection as a means of attention.

Could this be the case with yours? The 20 other kids in one daycare made me think that because it would be hard to fight for attention with that many other kid and we all know it's better to use good behavior than it is to use bad behaviors..

[Leigh]

I have one just like this. She is a middle child. Older sister (mom's shining star) and younger brother (mom's little baby) so middle sis has simply figured out that being affectionate and complimentary is a good way to get attention. She is THE definition of a brown noser... I would never say that outloud but I think it in my head alot...:: She is a happy kid that would give you her candybar before eating herself.... but I've noticed over the last 18 months or so that I've had her in care, that she uses affection as a means of attention.

Could this be the case with yours? The 20 other kids in one daycare made me think that because it would be hard to fight for attention with that many other kid and we all know it's better to use good behavior than it is to use bad behaviors..

Sounds like her. Brown noser here and at school. Utterly charming. Don't get me wrong, I love this kid-we often invite her along on weekends to the movies, zoo, or pool, or just over here to play with my son (he loves her, too). I've just been wondering if she "needs" something that I'm not recognizing. All I do now is not return the affection if it isn't appropriate.

[Ariana]

I think my own child can be like this and she is definitely an attention seeker. She also has some sensitivities so I have thought she might do it because she likes the sensation of a hug (this can be a symptom of sensory processing disorder). I just enforce personal boundaries with her "sorry mommy is drinking her coffee right now I can give you a hug later". At first I felt really cruel doing it but I am not a huge huggy person (sensory issues myself) but I had to because it was so annoying!! Trust me her need for hugs and attention is insatiable!