Trouble during outdoor play

[Baby Beluga]

Please help me problem solve.

My own child (newly turned 5yo) gets in trouble every single day while outside playing. I am embarrassed to admit this but here is some of the behavior I am seeing:

*Pushing / putting hands on other children
*Knocking children over to be "first"
*Screaming at the top of her lungs. This is not normal loudness from outdoor play, it is full on screaming.
*Taking toys from others
*Going in areas of the yard (like the garden) that are and always have been off limits. FWIW, this area is in the back corner of the yard out of the way of where we play.
*General bossiness / telling the other children what and how to play.

None of this behavior is present when the DC children are not here. The DC children also do not have any of these problems, they genuinely play nicely outdoors together. DC children are 4.5, 3.5 and a 14 month old. 14 month old pretty much does his own thing. My 5 yo, the 4.5 yo and the 3.5 yo old play together.

I have the following outside activities:
*slide/climber combo for children 3+
*stand alone slide
*ride on toys/trikes
*sensory table currently filled with rocks and small cars/trucks/diggers
*balls
*bubbles (bubble machine and individual bubble containers)
*chalk
*sandbox with sand toys
*plenty of grassy area for the children to run, skip, jump, make up their own games, etc.

What is she trying to tell me that I am missing? I've tried time out. I've tried loss of outdoor play. I can't keep the entire group inside just because she acts out. What can I do?

[daycarediva]

If it were a dck, what would you do?

It it was an issue I was having, I would tell her what to play, limit up her choices and small up her world until she can make better choices.

Dck- you play with chalk
my child- you play with the climber
dck- you play with the sandbox

[laundrymom]

My child would have a rake or a broom or a chair. If they can't play nicely they will do chores or sit.
I'm a mean mom, but I'm ok w that.

Please help me problem solve.

My own child (newly turned 5yo) gets in trouble every single day while outside playing. I am embarrassed to admit this but here is some of the behavior I am seeing:

*Pushing / putting hands on other children
*Knocking children over to be "first"
*Screaming at the top of her lungs. This is not normal loudness from outdoor play, it is full on screaming.
*Taking toys from others
*Going in areas of the yard (like the garden) that are and always have been off limits. FWIW, this area is in the back corner of the yard out of the way of where we play.
*General bossiness / telling the other children what and how to play.

None of this behavior is present when the DC children are not here. The DC children also do not have any of these problems, they genuinely play nicely outdoors together. DC children are 4.5, 3.5 and a 14 month old. 14 month old pretty much does his own thing. My 5 yo, the 4.5 yo and the 3.5 yo old play together.

I have the following outside activities:
*slide/climber combo for children 3+
*stand alone slide
*ride on toys/trikes
*sensory table currently filled with rocks and small cars/trucks/diggers
*balls
*bubbles (bubble machine and individual bubble containers)
*chalk
*sandbox with sand toys
*plenty of grassy area for the children to run, skip, jump, make up their own games, etc.

What is she trying to tell me that I am missing? I've tried time out. I've tried loss of outdoor play. I can't keep the entire group inside just because she acts out. What can I do?

[Ariana]

Maybe your outdoor play space could have more stuff for dramatic play? Animals, food sets etc? Maybe she is bored?

Another thought is that maybe she is just exerting her dominance over the other kids, trying to put herself at the top of the pecking order. Maybe talk to her about why she feels angry and let her know how to deal with anger in constructive ways.

[debbiedoeszip]

Please help me problem solve.

My own child (newly turned 5yo) gets in trouble every single day while outside playing. I am embarrassed to admit this but here is some of the behavior I am seeing:

*Pushing / putting hands on other children
*Knocking children over to be "first"
*Screaming at the top of her lungs. This is not normal loudness from outdoor play, it is full on screaming.
*Taking toys from others
*Going in areas of the yard (like the garden) that are and always have been off limits. FWIW, this area is in the back corner of the yard out of the way of where we play.
*General bossiness / telling the other children what and how to play.

None of this behavior is present when the DC children are not here. The DC children also do not have any of these problems, they genuinely play nicely outdoors together. DC children are 4.5, 3.5 and a 14 month old. 14 month old pretty much does his own thing. My 5 yo, the 4.5 yo and the 3.5 yo old play together.

I have the following outside activities:
*slide/climber combo for children 3+
*stand alone slide
*ride on toys/trikes
*sensory table currently filled with rocks and small cars/trucks/diggers
*balls
*bubbles (bubble machine and individual bubble containers)
*chalk
*sandbox with sand toys
*plenty of grassy area for the children to run, skip, jump, make up their own games, etc.

What is she trying to tell me that I am missing? I've tried time out. I've tried loss of outdoor play. I can't keep the entire group inside just because she acts out. What can I do?

She's telling you that she needs to be by your side at all times so that you can stop her from taking toys, being physically aggressive, and bossy. She needs "lessons" on how to interact with others. I have a 2yo dcb who does all of this and I keep him within arms reach at all times. As her social behaviour improves, you can give her a bit of freedom. If it deteriorates, then it's back to square one.

[Gemma]

Kids in my daycare have to play nice with others or they are to play/stay on their own, and rules are the same for my own kids

[TXhomedaycare]

She's telling you that she needs to be by your side at all times so that you can stop her from taking toys, being physically aggressive, and bossy. She needs "lessons" on how to interact with others. I have a 2yo dcb who does all of this and I keep him within arms reach at all times. As her social behaviour improves, you can give her a bit of freedom. If it deteriorates, then it's back to square one.

:hug: I had the same issue with my son outside and inside after I started my daycare. He always was my worst child but now he is in kindergarten happyface (he does great there). It's hard when it is your child but I agree that she needs to be with you and shadow you until she can be trusted. I also put my son in sports and karate or an outside of the house activity that my husband would take him to a few times a week. My son was acting out because I had a new baby (I started when my other son was 2 months old) and daycare kids to compete with. This could be due to many reasons but it still is not acceptable so I would keep her close and be ready to help an warn her as needed (I know when most kids are fixing to test the limits and I warn them or remind them the rules before we start or at a time they struggle to follow directions).

[Baby Beluga]

Thank you all. I agree it is absolutely unacceptable. I've reached the end of my bag of tricks and need new ideas. Ones that work because clearly mine aren't. She has always tried to be bossy - even with children she doesn't know at the park. We stopped going to the park for a long, long while because every time we went on her first instance of bossing another child around we immediately left. It's not cool. Especially at 5.

If it were a dck, what would you do?

It it was an issue I was having, I would tell her what to play, limit up her choices and small up her world until she can make better choices.

Dck- you play with chalk
my child- you play with the climber
dck- you play with the sandbox

Why didn't I think of this?! This is exactly what we do inside when no one (or even one person) is not getting along with others. I call them individual centers. Whoever the offender is gets their own rug and their own set of activities to do.

My child would have a rake or a broom or a chair. If they can't play nicely they will do chores or sit.
I'm a mean mom, but I'm ok w that.

When she does this sits on the patio, away from the other children. If/when she continues to misbehave while sitting on the patio I send her inside to her corner. She has a corner near our bedroom where we have a behavior chart, it is also her T/O spot. I am licensed exempt, DH is inside so she is not unattended and I am outside with the DCK's. This corner is solely for her and is not used by the other children. I don't want anyone reading this and get the wrong impression that I also send DCK's inside.

I hesitate to use chores as punishment because she has a list of chores to do now that are her job simply because she is able bodied, part of a household and needs to contribute to said household and family. I don't want her associating chores with nasty behavior. Unless I can find some unappealing chores she would never really do IRL that are reserved solely for nasty behavior.

I wonder if when she does this I can pull out something special for the other children and have her sit on a blanket outside with "baby toys." You know, children who act their age get the cool older kid toys and the ones who don't act their age get baby toys.