Relationship with Parents

[Lil_Diddle]

Doing in home daycare and having families for so long, it's inevitable that friendships and relationships won't be formed. I have a family that I have had for 7 years starting with the oldest child and now with their youngest. I knew the family before they had children, I grew up with DCD, he was my brother's good friend. It's to the point that we've gone and done stuff on weekends together and go to each other's childrens birthdays. I genuinely do care about this family.

My problem, with this family and with other's that it's easy to get chummy with, it starts to get awkward trying to separate myself from the business and keep those professional lines from being crossed. I feel like sometimes they might try to push the limits more than I'd like. showing up 5 minutes late, and then it gets to be 10 minutes late. It started with texts of "so sorry, running late" and now nothing it happens 2-3 times a week and then mom comes in constantly with an excuse. Or i get the "such and such" happened can I pay you _____. I like these families, I really do and for the most part they are good families. But curious how do those of you that do in-home deal with these boundaries?

[Blackcat31]

Doing in home daycare and having families for so long, it's inevitable that friendships and relationships won't be formed. I have a family that I have had for 7 years starting with the oldest child and now with their youngest. I knew the family before they had children, I grew up with DCD, he was my brother's good friend. It's to the point that we've gone and done stuff on weekends together and go to each other's childrens birthdays. I genuinely do care about this family.

My problem, with this family and with other's that it's easy to get chummy with, it starts to get awkward trying to separate myself from the business and keep those professional lines from being crossed. I feel like sometimes they might try to push the limits more than I'd like. showing up 5 minutes late, and then it gets to be 10 minutes late. It started with texts of "so sorry, running late" and now nothing it happens 2-3 times a week and then mom comes in constantly with an excuse. Or i get the "such and such" happened can I pay you _____. I like these families, I really do and for the most part they are good families. But curious how do those of you that do in-home deal with these boundaries?

The intro in my handbook says this:

Because your child's welfare is so important, my closeness and nurturing of your child can create a sense of intimacy between us that makes our relationship feel more like a friendship rather than that of business partners.

While this is ideal, well-defined boundaries are necessary and outlined within this handbook.

Together, we share a responsibility for the health, safety and well-being of your child. While your child is in my home, I will love, nurture and protect them.

Please remember that I, as a child care provider, own my business and offer services for a fee. I set my own guidelines, policies and decide which services to offer. You, as the parent, must decide if the services I offer meet your needs. ~ Provider


I am also very upfront with my clients and make sure that it's clear that 'we are business owner/client FIRST for ALL things child care related and friends AFTER or OUTSIDE of child care stuff'.

Repeating that ^^^ helps keep that concept clear and defined for client relationships that have grown friendly.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

It can be really tough, but it is best to be upfront. The more awkward you make it, the more awkward it is gonna be next time they are late, just let her know that it is happening too often and you will either need to start charging fees, or she will need to be more punctual and get there on time. Say it nicely and matter of fact. Like it is no big deal...business, not personal

[Lil_Diddle]

I love this! I may need to put something similar in my own handbook.

The intro in my handbook says this:

Because your child's welfare is so important, my closeness and nurturing of your child can create a sense of intimacy between us that makes our relationship feel more like a friendship rather than that of business partners.

While this is ideal, well-defined boundaries are necessary and outlined within this handbook.

Together, we share a responsibility for the health, safety and well-being of your child. While your child is in my home, I will love, nurture and protect them.

Please remember that I, as a child care provider, own my business and offer services for a fee. I set my own guidelines, policies and decide which services to offer. You, as the parent, must decide if the services I offer meet your needs. ~ Provider


I am also very upfront with my clients and make sure that it's clear that 'we are business owner/client FIRST for ALL things child care related and friends AFTER or OUTSIDE of child care stuff'.

Repeating that ^^^ helps keep that concept clear and defined for client relationships that have grown friendly.

[Jupadia]

I find it hard at times to keep some separation but I make sure my parents know the difference. My main thing is my boys are the age of the DCKs. So they invite ea h other to birthday parts and such. As well one boy who was going here now at kindergarden is friends with my oldest 1 year younger we done a few playd ates on the weekend. I still have his brother in my care. When the kids get older it will be nice cause I'll have a set boundaries and won't have to mix birthdays with business whether it's my kids birthday or their friends.

[Ariana]

In my experience they are not really your friends. You can set boundaries with friends and they still like you. If you start setting boundaries with these people they will start to resent you. They are mainly manipulators in my experience.

My very first family was like this. We grew pretty close and they were my neighbours. The DCM cried in my entryway on many occasions and told me her sob story. Invited me for her Christmas parties etc. I started to feel resentful because I realized at some point that I was being manipulated. I actually lowered my fees for her during her divorce because she complained about being a poor single mom, meanwhile I found out she kept her gym membership and personal trainer...among other things. As soon as I started enforcing rules she started to hate me. She moved her kids to a new daycare (her eldest daughter wanted to be with her best friend) and only gave me two weeks notice. I found out much earlier though because her youngest daughter told me. She knew months in advance. I basically never heard from her again. 3.5 years her kids were with me but as soon as I was not useful to hef she cut me and my family loose.

Anyway the point of my loooong story is that I learned my lesson and now families are just my business partners. Might be time to reign the friendship in a bit. Maybe go over your contract, make a few changes and then resend it to everyone to sign and make a note that they will now be strictly enforced. That way no one is being singled out.

[renodeb]

I have been doing in home dc for 11 years and I know that some of my clients have gotten very comfortable with me. For me it depends on the client, some I have really connected with (to much) and others I could honestly take or leave. Its been hard to keep that line drawn. I have to keep reminding the parents that this is my business.
Deb

[Mom2Two]

Would you feel comfortable asking them for freebies? Coz that's essentially what they're asking from you.

There are quite a lot of people who think that a "friend" is someone they can mooch off in one way or another. But I don't feel comfortable with that.

I try to keep a separation. I'm one who doesn't do daycare for friends. If anyone asks, I ask them some hard questions right up front, so they know that it will be a business relationship, not charity for their personal problems.

[Gemma]

There are quite a lot of people who think that a "friend" is someone they can mooch off in one way or another.

So true!

[Crazy Baby]

I have been caring for my neighbors' child for over two years now. We are good friends and hang out after daycare hours a couple of times a week.

They are really bad at being on time. This irked me so much for so long. I finally had a talk with them and started charging, and made them sign an addendum to our contract. I was scared to talk to them about it at first, but they are always understanding and reasonable. I'm able to deal with their excessive tardiness better now, because I am making more money per month once I started enforcing the fees. It is also helping them to see how much of a problem they have.

I know that not all people would be reasonable, so I guess that it depends on the person. I think that it is best to stay away from friends and family when your business is concerned, but I like to deal with people I already know. I know what to expect, and I feel more comfortable with them.

Going into it, you have to be blunt with them. You have a contract, policies, and rules and you will abide by those rules regardless of your personal relationship.

[Lovisa]

Most of my families are not "friends" of mine. One of my parents is a very, very good friend though and she is seriously my best client. She and I both understand that our friendship is separate from our business relationship. She has NEVER made it awkward, and ALWAYS respects my policies. In fact, she is the only client I have that has never been late on a payment ! I think it can work with the right people! I can see, though, how it might cause issues with some folks. I think it just depends!

[thrivingchildcarecom]

It can be a touchy thing. Most of the time I try to let the families know that I have to maintain a professional relationship to be fair and consistent with the other clients as well. I explain that we can be friendly after they are no longer active clients. Most understand. Since I do not have little ones anymore, I explain that I simply cannot attend all of the birthday parties so to be fair I just make it a policy to not go. Again, my clients completely understand.

It really is up to you to try your best balance the professional with personal. Hope that helped.