Would You Step In?

[TXhomedaycare]

I have a 3 yo dcb that has been with me for 1.5 years and has recently started becoming an issue during drop off and pick up. At drop off he has run around the car and into the neighbors yard, he likes to act like his legs don't work or blocks the door and laughs. Mom usually picks him up and drags him in or chases him to get him to the door. At pick up yesterday he took his shoes off and demanded his mom carry him and he refused to put his shoes on, he ignores his mom and would not put his jacket on and tried to swat it out of her hand and yelled at her. He even has locjed her out of the car a few times and was stuck waiting for him to let her in. This has become a new trend that is driving me nuts. He does not listen to his mom and she begs him and tries to laugh it off which makes it worse. I have no issues with dcb and he listens to me and says yes ma'am and follows directions like the rest off the group. I am shocked at the way he acts and pulled him to the side the day after it happened the first time and I told him I was disappointed in his behavior but I know since mom is a push over so it will continue. I have in my handbook that parents need to manage their child when present but I find myself stepping in to get dcb to follow directions while mom is here a lot. I feel this has become a little akward and I hate stepping on mom's toes but I truly am tired of watching the begging and negotiating and dcb winning the battle or them taking up additional time in the morning and evening (he is usually my last pick up so I start cleaning while they battle but usually step in once I feel mom needs help or they will be spending the night ). Mom has not asked for parenting advice so I have not given any but I need her to step up and for this to stop. Should I tell mom what I would do or give her a tip or say watch this or let her figure it out?

[Baby Beluga]

If he is running around the car and is generally being unsafe during drop off/pick up, then yes I would intervene.

[laundrymom]

Moms house. Moms toes.
Your house. Your toes.
At three? Oh no ma'am.
"Jacob Allen(yes. First and middle whatever they are) come here to me!"
And insist he does. Scrunch to his level. Take his hand.
"You will not do this anymore. Do you understand Miss Provider?"
He will look to mom. And either giggle or pout or try to run away.
"This is NOT the way you act when mom is not here and I won't accept it when she is. "
Then model the words
"Yes miss provider"
And wait for him to repeat.
"Take moms hand and Go get in the car. I expect perfect behavior. "
If he acts out tell him you are disappointed in his choice and have sit in a chair for a few minutes (or a step) and try again.
I think most of the time a parent whose child acts this way tries to correct them once, fails, and figures it's a lost cause.
They give up. And deal w fits, tantrums, misbehavior and rudeness because "well I tried to correct them but it didn't work".
But magically they know I won't give in so comply for me.
The parents figure I have some magic formula and honestly it's just repetition and never giving in to bad behavior.
I literally videoed a diaper change from a safe angle today to prove to a mom that child didn't kick. Hit. Roll or scream through it. She was shocked to see her little monster laying quietly and talking nicely to me as child was changed.

[Ariana]

I used to have the same issue with my current DCF. I had to start getting her ready and she would immediately go out the door at pickup. I texted mom later if I needed to tell her anything. After a few weeks of that we started chatting at pickup but DCG was all ready to go and as soon as she started acting up, out she went. I basically told mom that the chaos was not going to continue at my home and she was on board. I also would chastize DCG in front of mom just to show her how to be firm and assertive without being angry, getting down to her level to give direction etc. Now mom is basically a pro at doing it at the door and DCG was much better....after Christmas break however things started going sour again so we will see!

So basically I woukd just do handoffs at the door. Mom and child never in my house together.

[daycarediva]

NO way. I would tell Mom she either needs to hold onto the child or carry him outside for safety reasons.

I would also do as laundrymom said, my house, my rules.

[Gemma]

Not only I would step in, but I would also give mom a warning/reminder, that the contract they signed states that parents must be in control of their kids at all time during pick up and drop off, or they will be Terminated

[Snowmom]

I have a 3 yo dcb that has been with me for 1.5 years and has recently started becoming an issue during drop off and pick up. At drop off he has run around the car LIABILITY and into the neighbors yard LIABILITY , he likes to act like his legs don't work or blocks the door LIABILITY and laughs. Mom usually picks him up and drags him in or chases him LIABILITY to get him to the door. At pick up yesterday he took his shoes off and demanded his mom carry him and he refused to put his shoes on, he ignores his mom and would not put his jacket on and tried to swat it out of her hand and yelled at her. He even has locjed her out of the car a few times LIABILITY and was stuck waiting for him to let her in. This has become a new trend that is driving me nuts. He does not listen to his mom and she begs him and tries to laugh it off which makes it worse. I have no issues with dcb and he listens to me and says yes ma'am and follows directions like the rest off the group. I am shocked at the way he acts and pulled him to the side the day after it happened the first time and I told him I was disappointed in his behavior but I know since mom is a push over so it will continue. I have in my handbook that parents need to manage their child when present but I find myself stepping in to get dcb to follow directions while mom is here a lot. I feel this has become a little akward and I hate stepping on mom's toes but I truly am tired of watching the begging and negotiating and dcb winning the battle or them taking up additional time in the morning and evening (he is usually my last pick up so I start cleaning while they battle but usually step in once I feel mom needs help or they will be spending the night ). Mom has not asked for parenting advice so I have not given any but I need her to step up and for this to stop. Should I tell mom what I would do or give her a tip or say watch this or let her figure it out?

LIABILITY

For that word alone (not that it bothers me, is disruptive or models bad behavior to other families), just that liability alone would have me talking to mom about what needs to change.

This is happening on your property, you are liable and it has to stop. She needs to understand that and get a handle on it immediately.
That's all that really needs to be said.