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I meant there are many different things that make providers great, I didn't mean to imply you have to have all of a certain set of qualities to be greatI "think" I know what you are trying to say
but that ^^ made it worse. :
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One of several qualities I don't have so I am not a great provider either.
I think a provider that grows attached to children in her/his care CAN be a positive thing IF that is a quality YOU (general you as a parent) that wants that type of bonding.
I've had families leave because they didn't like the bond their child created with me. It caused jealous feelings and insecurities about their parenting skills so attachment to children enrolled isn't something everyone wants or values.
For ex, I think being clean and organized can be another quality that sets a great provider apart.
You're absolutely right that it depends on the parents! I loved that my child got attached to my DCP so I forget that some parents wouldn't like that
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I've done this for just over 4 years now, I volunteered in the church nursery prior to that, and did caregiving for Seniors in their homes before that. My MIL suffered brain trauma from a car accident and I provided care for her for several years. I have always been able to stay detached.
In my position here, I care about them, I love them to a point, I want them to succeed- but this is business. I put a lot of myself into their care each day, I tolerate their parent's issues and inconsideration at times (within reason, of course) but when it comes down to it, if the money stopped- their presence in my life would also stop. That's how I see it.
I'm not their Mom and no matter what raving reviews their parents may give their friends/ family- I am still their "sitter" or their "child care provider" when it comes down to it. I actually love the fact that I can be in their lives and care for them each day without any of the bigger responsibilities or expense of raising them ...and, I look forward to the day they move up with all of their knowledge and independence and I welcome a new little one (and a new set of parents with new issues and inconsiderations.. ) into my home.
Just my two cents!Comment
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It's hard. One of the most difficult parts of this job I think.
Especially when you see there could be a problem and the parents are in denial, don't want to make the effort, are scared, etc. What would they do if their child's doctor made suggestions? Wouldn't they follow up on it? If not, and considering how much help their child needs, should the state(or someone else) step in? It's just hard.
I guess in a situation like yours, I'd care for them the very best I could and if it wasn't enough, I'd tell them why and end the business relationship.
The detaching I find the most difficult is when they age out, move onto preschool
or when the parents plain and simple take them out, and we've always had a great relationship. I know it happens but that's the tough thing for me to take.
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I think a lot of this is the nature of the job. We care and we care a lot. (to much sometimes)
I think we learn to separate our selves through experience. I have been doing dc for nearly 11 years and I think I still try to much. Luckily I can "turn it off " during my off time.
There have been plenty of times that advice/ opinions fell on deaf ears.
When kids leave my care its hard, I connect differently with each kid. Some are harder to let go of than others.
Don't be to hard on yourself. Just try and give yourself a break!
DebComment
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Speaking as the parent of a child who's been in family day care, I don't think it's a great thing for a provider to get extremely attached. Obviously, a burned-out provider who's phoning it in is worse, and we've been there. Seeing one of my daughter's providers do it the right way and one do it the wrong way sent me into this profession. I want the provider to be outstanding at the job: attentive, well-trained, and compassionate. But too much emotional involvement would make me feel uncomfortable, I think. As a parent, I'd feel like the provider's objectivity was compromised.Comment
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Pestle I don't think I am attached to the child as much as to the outcome for that child if that makes sense. I had a chid in my care who had ASD but the mom was in denial. He was developmentally so behind and I desperately wanted her to take him for an evaluation. This went on for months until I finally decided to term. I just couldn't watch him suffering anymore. My current DCG needs to see an SLP but so far the parents are resisting. It just happens time and time again....another child I had to term turned out to be deaf and the parents were in deep denial about something being wrong. It just makes me angry for the kids. That is why I need to let go.
This isn't about caring too much for kids and not wanting them to go to kinder. To be honest I am quite detached in that way. It is the duty I feel to get kids the help they need when there are delays thats cause me so much stress. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in their lives advocating for them and that feels like a lot of pressure.
I have made some changes and my daughter is heading off to preschool. I think that will help my stress and my ability to ignore the developmental delays more since I won't be relying on these kids to be my childs playmates.Comment
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I think that although every situation is different, at times terming the families can be in the child best interest because the next person they go to will raise the same concerns and maybe after the parents hear from enough people they will finally get the help the child needs.Comment
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