DCM Actually Asked Me Not To Discipline, Now What?

[Unregistered]

I would also terminate her. It seems there will be no dealing with this parent, you will find another dck. I had pretty much this exact dilemma and also couldn't really afford to terminate, but in the end I HAD to because it was just too much stress--the child was never made to listen at home and was coddled and ****ed up to every time they had a temper tantrum or got upset about anything--needless to say that didn't happen at daycare, so the child simply had a fit all day long. Children need to be disciplined when they misbehave--parents who think otherwise are just setting their kids up to be spoiled, self-righteous, and misbehaved adults who will think they don't have to follow any of the rules of society. Sorry, this is one of my biggest pet peeves--you're children are NOT perfect!

You hit it right on the mark!!! I totally agree with you on this!!! So glad another provider has the GUTTS to believe in discipline! Thank you!

[countrymom]

that is the funniest thing i have ever heard, parents don't want their children to do time outs. Omg, I would ask her was planet is she from. And I would laugh in her face.
BUT, I think you need to deal with her problems head on and instead of calling it "time out" call it something else. I can only imagine what she is going to be like in school, there is no way a teacher is going to deal with that, thats for sure.
Call the mom at work and ask her to come and deal with her dd since you can't discipline her.

Or better yet, (now this is mean) but tell the girl that if she is good all day that her mom will buy her mcdonalds, just keep reminding her all day. So when mom comes the girl will bug her mom for mcdonalds. Now do this everyday, so when mom asks you to stop doing that, tell her that since you can't discipline her, you bribed her, just like they do with money. That'll teach em!

[nannyde]

If you can't afford to term her then I think the only thing to do is to do as you are told. You need to make them happy so they will pay and stay.

You have tried many systems of engagement, reward, soft/no consequences, etc. and the bottom line is that you have to accept that allowing her misbehaving is what is allowing you to get the money.

It's a resignation that you may have to just accept. Just be careful with the safety of the other kids and the knowing happiness of the other kids. Once her behaviior affects their safety or the known happiness of the other kids then you will be put into a position to choose which money you must have. (known happiness is the happiness of the chidlren that is known to the child's parents).

[jen]

DCM called me last night and said I think it would be best no to put her DCG in T/O any more. She does not want to come back to daycare becuase you put her in T/O....

Oh for the love of God! Seriously, its a sad day when kids, instead of feeling of feeling guilty, sad, or (eek gad) ashamed over behaving badly, they are mad about being punished AND Mom and Dad back them up on it!

I don't suppose it occurred to Mommy to tell her that if she didn't like going to time out, she should, I don't know, BEHAVE!!!!!!

Sorry, but my kids wouldn't tell me that they got sent to time out because they wouldn't have wanted to get into trouble a 2nd time!

[lvt77]

we actually call it refledtion time, that would be so funny if I could bribe with MCdonalds....they are health freaks....

[missnikki]

that is the funniest thing i have ever heard, parents don't want their children to do time outs. Omg, I would ask her was planet is she from. And I would laugh in her face.
BUT, I think you need to deal with her problems head on and instead of calling it "time out" call it something else. I can only imagine what she is going to be like in school, there is no way a teacher is going to deal with that, thats for sure.
Call the mom at work and ask her to come and deal with her dd since you can't discipline her.

Or better yet, (now this is mean) but tell the girl that if she is good all day that her mom will buy her mcdonalds, just keep reminding her all day. So when mom comes the girl will bug her mom for mcdonalds. Now do this everyday, so when mom asks you to stop doing that, tell her that since you can't discipline her, you bribed her, just like they do with money. That'll teach em!

haha! I have it! Tell mom that you will not serve timeouts. Instead, you will serve espresso to her daughter at pickup time. Tell her that bribes work on parents, too.

[MarinaVanessa]

"Yes, that is a great idea! I will definitely provide some positive reinforcement when she does the right thing. However, we still need to address the times when she chooses not to follow the rules. Since you don't want me to use time-out, what specifically would you like me to do when she makes poor choices?"

This is agreat response and sums up what I was going to say. There has to ne consequenses to her actions. Have DCM give you a bag of quarters so that you can reward her good behavior then. You're obviously not going to give her your money. Then have her tell you what she thinks is a good plan when addressing her negative behavior.

[laundrymom]

This is agreat response and sums up what I was going to say. There has to ne consequenses to her actions. Have DCM give you a bag of quarters so that you can reward her good behavior then. You're obviously not going to give her your money. Then have her tell you what she thinks is a good plan when addressing her negative behavior.

I've got it!!!!! When she is good give her an m&m. Put one in a jar and keep them in plain sight. Tell her. When it's time to go home I'll let you eat ALL of them!!!!!! Then the BETTER she is,... The more she gets!!!

[cillybean83]

I had a mom who didn't want her 6 year old son being disciplined. This boy was 6 and pooped his pants, wouldn't wipe his own bottom, would only eat captain crunch and lunchables, threw temper tantrums that a 1 year old wouldn't dare pull... needless to say he didn't stay long!

Anyhoo, when mom said that she didn't believe in discipline I said "that's fine" and left it at that. Every time he acted up, guess who got called at work to come get their kid? After a week of being called away from work every single day, she decided a little discipline wouldn't be so bad...I ended up terming them a few weeks later because I couldn't deal with trying to train the kid to act right!!! I thought some structure would fix him right up but he was totally babied and nothing would work...his mom even carried him on her hip to and from the car!!! he was SIX

[lvt77]

I've got it!!!!! When she is good give her an m&m. Put one in a jar and keep them in plain sight. Tell her. When it's time to go home I'll let you eat ALL of them!!!!!! Then the BETTER she is,... The more she gets!!!

you have me laughing so hard, the kids asked what is so funny.........that is great........thanks for the good laugh

[mac60]

I don't believe in payment for good behavior either. I have a 3 1/2 yr old that can be a total brat. After he has been in TO several times, I will take a small blanket and fold it to about a 2' x 3' size, I will set it off in an out of the way place away from the others, that is his play spot. I give him a couple things to do of my choice, and that is where he is to stay for the remainder of play time, whether it be 15 min or 1 1/2 hours. No getting off after you have been told over and over.

[Live and Learn]

I don't do timeouts here at all...I hover and catch em in the act!:: "The look" stops em dead in their tracks....I also use "mean mommy voice." I find after the first couple of weeks here they are completely happy in our routine.

I have to use "the look" and "mean mommy voice" once a month or so. I have a very low ratio. 3 to 1.

I give lots of praise, hugs and kisses to the children throughout the day.

Ifa parent ever told me to not discipline their child in the manner described in my handbook I would point them towards the door. It is my experience that children learn both good and bad behavior from each other. I suspect that it is only a matter of time before your other youngsters will start behaving poorly too if you let this one remain in your group.

The m&m idea might work. you would have to do it for everyone though and I would take m&m's out for bad behavior.

Does she hit bite or kick? If so, out the door. Not worth it.
Good luck.

[Unregistered]

If you can't afford to term her then I think the only thing to do is to do as you are told. You need to make them happy so they will pay and stay.

You have tried many systems of engagement, reward, soft/no consequences, etc. and the bottom line is that you have to accept that allowing her misbehaving is what is allowing you to get the money.

It's a resignation that you may have to just accept. Just be careful with the safety of the other kids and the knowing happiness of the other kids. Once her behaviior affects their safety or the known happiness of the other kids then you will be put into a position to choose which money you must have. (known happiness is the happiness of the chidlren that is known to the child's parents).

You have to be out of your head! Why should ANYONE have to put up with a child like that and parents like that. She may need the money, but dealing with a child and parent like that is not being reasonable. I would term her right away and let someone else deal with the child and parents.The girls behavior NEEDS to be dealt with and not giving into
the parent is a MUST! As providers, we are supposed to help raise and instill good manners and behavior in the children we take care of and not give into letting them get away with what ever they want!

[nannyde]

I've got it!!!!! When she is good give her an m&m. Put one in a jar and keep them in plain sight. Tell her. When it's time to go home I'll let you eat ALL of them!!!!!! Then the BETTER she is,... The more she gets!!!

See but real quick like the little girl is going to tell her Mom that she doesn't want to wait for her candy. She wants her candy NOW and when SHE says she is being good. Every time SHE decides she's good the adult will need to give her candy NOW.

M&M's might be okay for a while but pretty soon it's going to be candy BARS right away ... each and every time... then it's going to be ice cream and then pop... etc. etc.

No matter what at some point in the cycle a NO is going to come her way. When a child has no boundries, rules, and limitations they simply can't function.

That's how that game works.... Once you have a kid who gets special for just normal behavior they want the special to be normal.

[lvt77]

I used to do the evil glare, and say nothing. One DCK told her mom and I both
“I don’t want miss **** to look at me anymore she is scary." Lol it was funny

I told the DCM that the child has to learn to be accountable for her actions regardless of age. There is no such thing as zero consequences...If I let her get away with it that means everyone else gets away with it too and that is not going to happen.... Bad behavior spreads like a vicious disease... I am the antidote for it....