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So I have this almost 4 year old dcg who has extreme behavior issues. As you all know, because of state regs there is little we can do in the way of discipline other than different variations of time out or removing privileges. Yesterday she had upwards of 10 timeouts. I realize this is excessive but there isn't much else I can do as she obviously needs consequences for breaking rules. We go over the rules repeatedly, mom knows them all too. We have done reward charts, journals, alone time, special activities, etc. She just doesn't care. So what am I supposed to do with a child when she asks me not to put her on timeout? I would have termed her months ago but I simply cannot afford it... I am at a little bit of a loss...
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I would tell her to provide the name and number of someone to pick her daughter up immediately, as you cannot have children disrupting the program with repeated poor behavior. -
Put the ball back in Mom's court...
Say something like: "Oh, OK. I understand that you are not comfortable with time outs. I know how much you want little susie to learn and grow with the rest of the kids. Let's put together an action plan for dealing with her behaviors that are unacceptable for daycare and later, for school. How specifically do you want me to proceed when issues arise?Comment
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HA!! Love this one!!
This is actually what I would do. For the safety and well being of your whole group, you cannot be expected to not correct bad behavior. Mom obviously is no help in telling what she would like you to do in these situations, just what she doesn't want you to do. That's ridiculous that you cannot correct bad behavior. I would tell mom that you will not do timeouts anymore, but that you will be calling her (or a designated person) to come get dcg at the first bad behavior of the day. I'm sure that if you had to call mom a few times, she would probably decide that timeouts were okay to do :
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She said no time outs but what of other kinds of learning. What would happen if she is acting out and you make her your cleaning helper, or something similar?Comment
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Can you redirect or offer an alternative without actually referring to it as a time out?
For example if she is acting up and not following the rules in the playroom, then she can be told to go and read a book in a cozy spot until she is ready to try again. Or maybe she could have quiet table toys or a coloring book to go to when she is having trouble until she is ready to join the group?
Then you could let mom know that you are not giving her timeouts, just giving her another activity to do until she can participate appropriately in the group. I try not to refer to breaks from the group as time out because of the stigma parents get from it. I say, "You need to sit and read books until you are ready to follow the rules, or You need to sit at the table and color until you can join us appropriately."
If she can't do that as a behavior alternative, I'd have to let her go.Comment
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In my contract it says I use time out as a form of punishment for children who break daycare rules they get a warning first then if they contuine they go to time out. If a parent stood in my daycare and told me not to punish their child I would tell them they are no longer a good fit for my program as children in my program are expected to behave and get punishments for misbehaving and consider it their 2 weeks notice. Don't let this woman tell you what to do in YOUR daycare plus how would it look to the other young ones if they went to time out for misbehaving but this little girl doesnt.Comment
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I would think this would be more of an incentive to act out. Hey, I'm bad so I get to color away from all the other kids!
Maybe just stop calling it a time out. Call it a cooling off period, and then put her in the same place you would for a time out. I still like the idea of calling mom each time she acts out.Comment
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Sorry, but making her be a cleaning helper is not solving the bad behavior problem!!!The behavior has to be addressed,not getting her to do something else..I think that if the girl is having issues like that and the parent will not work with you, I would term her. There is more there that meets the eye with the dcg and the parents need to address it.Comment
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"Yes, that is a great idea! I will definitely provide some positive reinforcement when she does the right thing. However, we still need to address the times when she chooses not to follow the rules. Since you don't want me to use time-out, what specifically would you like me to do when she makes poor choices?"Comment
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I would also terminate her. It seems there will be no dealing with this parent, you will find another dck. I had pretty much this exact dilemma and also couldn't really afford to terminate, but in the end I HAD to because it was just too much stress--the child was never made to listen at home and was coddled and ****ed up to every time they had a temper tantrum or got upset about anything--needless to say that didn't happen at daycare, so the child simply had a fit all day long. Children need to be disciplined when they misbehave--parents who think otherwise are just setting their kids up to be spoiled, self-righteous, and misbehaved adults who will think they don't have to follow any of the rules of society. Sorry, this is one of my biggest pet peeves--you're children are NOT perfect!
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LMAO I was just about to post this same thing... DCM called me last night and said I think it would be best no to put her DCG in T/O any more. She does not want to come back to daycare becuase you put her in T/O....
The child has behavior issues that cause hour screaming fits and so I started doing what missniki said.
I now use the 3 stikes your out rule and mom and dad are not ok with it, but I said my way or highway...Comment
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Trouble...
I would definitely not give her anything that even remotely resembles a reward for doing what is expected of her. I would absolutely refuse to reward the child for not getting into trouble. I'm fine with a sticker chart just as a means to get the momentum going in the right direction, but to pay a child a quarter for behaving? That is absurd! I hate to break it to the mom, but society won't be paying her daughter to not break rules, so why should anyone be reinforcing that in the kid now? I would tell the mom that she has 2 options: timeouts or termination.Comment
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