Screaming/Crying 3 Year Old

[Baby Beluga]

3 year old DCG (has been here over 1 year) has been having terrible screaming and crying fits lately.

I tell her to use the potty then sit on the circle rug, she screams and cries.

I tell her to cap her marker when she is finished coloring, she screams and cries.

I tell her it's time to clean up to go outside, she screams and cries.

On and on and on. When it happens I send her to the crying spot and once she calms down she will rejoin the group. The past two weeks it has really gotten bad and today she screamed for an hour after I told her to cap her glue stick.

I don't want to blame the parents, but I know how they are with her plays a role in this. They co-sleep and DCM can't stand to see DCG cry. If DCG cries mom immediately rushes to her and goes overboard with trying to get DCG to stop crying.

Aside from the crying spot, what else can I do to curb this behavior? FWIW, DCG was like this when she first started. The crying spot nipped it in the bud in about a week and she has been a pretty great kid ever since (with the exception of the past two weeks).

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Attachment parented children (who still co-sleep/are worn/are breastfed/etc.) tend to struggle majorly.

I know this because I WAS an attachment parent. Still love some of the things. But, there seems to be no "end" to the things that are most beneficial for baby. They just continue on endlessly.

I had to exit the attachment parenting groups and get away from most of my attachment parenting friends because of this. We noticed it in our own daughter and call it "Weenie Child Syndrome." They can't cope with feeling sad. They aren't taught that emotions are normal and it's okay to be sad. They're soothed in a variety of ways to make them feel happy. I don't think the parents are intentionally doing this, but it does happen. Sorry to all attachment parents who are offended by my post, by the way.

Keep doing what you're doing.
Over here, it looks like this: "You are so SAD that we have to stop playing Legos right now. *Big hug* I love you. Now it's time to go to Circle Time." *Screaming and crying occuring* "Oh dear. You can feel sad but you cannot scream and cry in your friend's ears. Go sit on the kitchen mat until you're done, please."
Eventually, it'll stop. Or, they'll go to the kitchen to pout instead of throw a fit. But, they are comfortable with that spot and use it to their advantage to cope with their feelings and rejoin when they feel a bit better. If I try to remove an attachment parented child who is comforting themselves (by pouting on the mat) and encourage them to join us before they're ready it results in hysterics.

[Indoorvoice]

I too was an attachment parent until I had one in my daycare and saw what it does to the child when the parents aren't around. I'm sorry I don't have any solid advice, but sometimes it helps me to at least have a label for what's going on. I worked really hard with my AP dck for 2 years by labeling her emotions and letting her have time to express them, but she ultimately could just not cope with day to day frustrations and started lying to mom so she wouldn't have to come here so I had to term.

[Baby Beluga]

Goodness, this poor DCG. I am sure mom had good intentions, but if her AP practices are the root of this...

I talked to mom at pick up and explained what happened. She said DCG always says she wants to stay home (mom and dad both work from home). I told her that was normal and a lot of children go through stages of saying that. DCG will often have fits at drop off and then won't want to leave at pick up. Mom said maybe she needs to change her expectations and not care when DCG cries. I wanted to high five mom and says "YES!" but felt that was unprofessional of me

[Unregistered]

Attachment parented children (who still co-sleep/are worn/are breastfed/etc.) tend to struggle majorly.

I know this because I WAS an attachment parent. Still love some of the things. But, there seems to be no "end" to the things that are most beneficial for baby. They just continue on endlessly.

I had to exit the attachment parenting groups and get away from most of my attachment parenting friends because of this. We noticed it in our own daughter and call it "Weenie Child Syndrome." They can't cope with feeling sad. They aren't taught that emotions are normal and it's okay to be sad. They're soothed in a variety of ways to make them feel happy. I don't think the parents are intentionally doing this, but it does happen. Sorry to all attachment parents who are offended by my post, by the way.

Keep doing what you're doing.
Over here, it looks like this: "You are so SAD that we have to stop playing Legos right now. *Big hug* I love you. Now it's time to go to Circle Time." *Screaming and crying occuring* "Oh dear. You can feel sad but you cannot scream and cry in your friend's ears. Go sit on the kitchen mat until you're done, please."
Eventually, it'll stop. Or, they'll go to the kitchen to pout instead of throw a fit. But, they are comfortable with that spot and use it to their advantage to cope with their feelings and rejoin when they feel a bit better. If I try to remove an attachment parented child who is comforting themselves (by pouting on the mat) and encourage them to join us before they're ready it results in hysterics.

My thought exactly when I read this. That and possible sleep deprivation.

This child can't regulate! I worked for a family agency for a long time. We did play groups, parenting classes, parenting coaching, home visiting, etc. The AP group of parents had children who struggled to deal with the smallest challenge and their parents got no breaks.

It's like anything that gets out of balance. The basis of AP may be ok but it's tips so extremely. I always brought "balance" in my parenting classes!

[Ariana]

Attachment parented children (who still co-sleep/are worn/are breastfed/etc.) tend to struggle majorly.

I know this because I WAS an attachment parent. Still love some of the things. But, there seems to be no "end" to the things that are most beneficial for baby. They just continue on endlessly.

I had to exit the attachment parenting groups and get away from most of my attachment parenting friends because of this. We noticed it in our own daughter and call it "Weenie Child Syndrome." They can't cope with feeling sad. They aren't taught that emotions are normal and it's okay to be sad. They're soothed in a variety of ways to make them feel happy. I don't think the parents are intentionally doing this, but it does happen. Sorry to all attachment parents who are offended by my post, by the way.

Keep doing what you're doing.
Over here, it looks like this: "You are so SAD that we have to stop playing Legos right now. *Big hug* I love you. Now it's time to go to Circle Time." *Screaming and crying occuring* "Oh dear. You can feel sad but you cannot scream and cry in your friend's ears. Go sit on the kitchen mat until you're done, please."
Eventually, it'll stop. Or, they'll go to the kitchen to pout instead of throw a fit. But, they are comfortable with that spot and use it to their advantage to cope with their feelings and rejoin when they feel a bit better. If I try to remove an attachment parented child who is comforting themselves (by pouting on the mat) and encourage them to join us before they're ready it results in hysterics.

All of this. Acknowledging feelings as being ok is key here. "It looks like you are feeling really sad about putting the cap back on the marker...is everything ok? Do you need a hug?...it is ok to cry" This works for me and my extra sensitive daughter almost always. I would also inquire about any changes that might have gone on at home the past two weeks.

I had to really explain to a mom how feelings are auper important for kids to feel so that they develop resilience. When I explained it to mom like that she started to understand. Kids need to deal with emotions so they become stable adults. Sometimes parents do not know this!

[daycare]

I posted almost exactly this about a child I had that was 4.6 and I or the other children couldn't take it anymore.

I let him have melt downs but if they were longer than 30 min i called for pick up. Trust me when I tell you I was over it. Parent was attachment parent and just didn't get it


Luckily the child ages out to kinder and guess who was kicked out of kinder for doing the same thing there. Yup the school refused to deal with it.

Mine went on for about 3.5 months and the only reason I didn't term was because the child was leaving for school.

Never again will I deal with a child like that. Yes I am going to tell you what to do when you don't do it on your own. Yes I will remind you to push in your chair or pick up a toy etc and if your going to have a 30min fit about it, your parents can come pick you up.

Update on this. The parent recently visited with me and told me how sorry they were that I had to go through that for so long, I was shocked.

Put the problem back on the parents.

[Baby Beluga]

I posted almost exactly this about a child I had that was 4.6 and I or the other children couldn't take it anymore.

It really is frustrating. The kids have started saying things like "oh not AGAIN" when this child starts crying. It's not fair to the child who is screaming/crying or the others who have to listen to it.

For those reading this who have experience with extreme AP parenting - how does it effect potty training? Or does it at all? This little one is 3 years 4 months and is no where near being trained. Personally this does not bother me (I do what I can here, but if parents are not consistently trying at home...) just wondering if it could be playing a role in it.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

It really is frustrating. The kids have started saying things like "oh not AGAIN" when this child starts crying. It's not fair to the child who is screaming/crying or the others who have to listen to it.

For those reading this who have experience with extreme AP parenting - how does it effect potty training? Or does it at all? This little one is 3 years 4 months and is no where near being trained. Personally this does not bother me (I do what I can here, but if parents are not consistently trying at home...) just wondering if it could be playing a role in it.

Yes. I only have children ages 2-5 (and I only take 1-2 children who are 2 at a time) and they get anxiety about the overly sensitive ones who scream/cry about everything.

My daughter is so strong willed so I'm not sure potty training wise. The only way I got her to stop purposely peeing her pants (when she's completely potty trained) was to put a diaper on her every time she did it. She would say, "Ugh. Not AGAIN." I'd say, "That's what little girls who pee their pants get. A diaper just like the little kids."

[Baby Beluga]

Just thought I would update this.

There has been zero improvement. In fact after a week long break (Thanksgiving + DCG being sick) it has gotten worse. Today we were cutting, the entire group was wonderfully engaged in their activity and this little one just burst into tears and started screaming for no reason. I checked for an accidental finger cut (that was my first thought) but nope. She just felt like screaming. I'm out of ideas to try and help her

[daycarediva]

Attachment parented children (who still co-sleep/are worn/are breastfed/etc.) tend to struggle majorly.

I know this because I WAS an attachment parent. Still love some of the things. But, there seems to be no "end" to the things that are most beneficial for baby. They just continue on endlessly.

I had to exit the attachment parenting groups and get away from most of my attachment parenting friends because of this. We noticed it in our own daughter and call it "Weenie Child Syndrome." They can't cope with feeling sad. They aren't taught that emotions are normal and it's okay to be sad. They're soothed in a variety of ways to make them feel happy. I don't think the parents are intentionally doing this, but it does happen. Sorry to all attachment parents who are offended by my post, by the way.

Keep doing what you're doing.
Over here, it looks like this: "You are so SAD that we have to stop playing Legos right now. *Big hug* I love you. Now it's time to go to Circle Time." *Screaming and crying occuring* "Oh dear. You can feel sad but you cannot scream and cry in your friend's ears. Go sit on the kitchen mat until you're done, please."
Eventually, it'll stop. Or, they'll go to the kitchen to pout instead of throw a fit. But, they are comfortable with that spot and use it to their advantage to cope with their feelings and rejoin when they feel a bit better. If I try to remove an attachment parented child who is comforting themselves (by pouting on the mat) and encourage them to join us before they're ready it results in hysterics.

YES! I consider myself an attachment parent, but it's limited. It's all about balance. They slept in my room, not my bed. Essentially, I gave them respect, was gentle with my discipline methods, and encouraged them to speak their opinions, share their feelings, etc.

AP is now an EXTREME parenting fad where the child is NEVER allowed to feel sad. NEVER allowed to cry. NEVER disciplined. That's not what AP is all about.

I LOVE weenie child syndrome. Have you read A Nation of Wimps? https://www.amazon.com/Nation-Wimps-.../dp/0767924037

GREAT READ on how to raise independent, emotionally strong children.

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php

[daycarediva]

Just thought I would update this.

There has been zero improvement. In fact after a week long break (Thanksgiving + DCG being sick) it has gotten worse. Today we were cutting, the entire group was wonderfully engaged in their activity and this little one just burst into tears and started screaming for no reason. I checked for an accidental finger cut (that was my first thought) but nope. She just felt like screaming. I'm out of ideas to try and help her

I think it's time to pull the parents in. Explain how their lack of allowing her to feel frustrated is stunting her emotional development. She needs to feel those emotions to gain self regulation and proper methods of controlling and handling negative emotions.

I'm sorry!

[Annalee]

I think it's time to pull the parents in. Explain how their lack of allowing her to feel frustrated is stunting her emotional development. She needs to feel those emotions to gain self regulation and proper methods of controlling and handling negative emotions.

I'm sorry!

This generation of parents are raising "needy" kids beginning at birth. Coping, adapting to change, controlling emotions are not being taught at home....many times these things are learned behaviors from adults in the home....many of my interviews are with "unruly kids with clueless parents"......most of the time I can get the child to fit in with my program, but parents are a whole different story. Definitely a challenge finding the right fit!

[Baby Beluga]

YES! I consider myself an attachment parent, but it's limited. It's all about balance. They slept in my room, not my bed. Essentially, I gave them respect, was gentle with my discipline methods, and encouraged them to speak their opinions, share their feelings, etc.

AP is now an EXTREME parenting fad where the child is NEVER allowed to feel sad. NEVER allowed to cry. NEVER disciplined. That's not what AP is all about.

I LOVE weenie child syndrome. Have you read A Nation of Wimps? https://www.amazon.com/Nation-Wimps-.../dp/0767924037

GREAT READ on how to raise independent, emotionally strong children.

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/p...principles.php

I have not read it but thank you for sharing this! I am definitely looking into it.

I plan to discuss things with mom today at pick up. I am spending nap time planning on what I want to say.

I don't disagree with AP parenting. Part of AP I think is wonderful and can really help form a strong bond between parents and their children. It is the extreme AP parenting that I disagree with because it generally leads to children like this who have zero coping skills.

Today our morning went like this:

Mom walks in holding child and puts child down.

Child goes to art table and starts coloring with another child.

Child is FINE coloring, mom and I talk for about 5 minutes. When mom tells child bye child holds out hand and starts to whimper. Mom immediately starts saying "it's okay. I'll see you later. Over and over again. Child starts to cry, mom repeats her phrases above.

Mom leaves and child is FINE.

Child is fine and we start working on a cutting activity (about 3 hours into the day) In the middle of the cutting activity (which child was excelling at btw) she starts screaming and crying. I tell child to go to crying spot and she can rejoin us when she is done crying. Child sits in crying spot, screams and cries. When that doesn't get any attention she starts moaning - similar to Dory in finding Nemo when she is talking to the whale. Child stops after 30 minutes and goes back to the table to finish cutting project.

10 minutes later child starts screaming and crying again.
Goes back to crying spot and is still there screaming and crying.

This little one is as sweet as pie. But this random screaming and crying has to stop. It is effecting the other children in the group. I have tried talking to her and her only answer is "because."

I have a feeling no matter what I say to mom this behavior will continue as a result of how they choose to parent at home. Little one is used to getting her way, being coddled and not feeling anything other than happy. It's not healthy and I am not sure how I can help her here. I was hoping she would learn the difference between home and here...but if she is lacking fundamental coping skills I am not sure that is even possible.

[daycarediva]

I have not read it but thank you for sharing this! I am definitely looking into it.

I plan to discuss things with mom today at pick up. I am spending nap time planning on what I want to say.

I don't disagree with AP parenting. Part of AP I think is wonderful and can really help form a strong bond between parents and their children. It is the extreme AP parenting that I disagree with because it generally leads to children like this who have zero coping skills.

Today our morning went like this:

Mom walks in holding child and puts child down.

Child goes to art table and starts coloring with another child.

Child is FINE coloring, mom and I talk for about 5 minutes. When mom tells child bye child holds out hand and starts to whimper. Mom immediately starts saying "it's okay. I'll see you later. Over and over again. Child starts to cry, mom repeats her phrases above.

Mom leaves and child is FINE.

Child is fine and we start working on a cutting activity (about 3 hours into the day) In the middle of the cutting activity (which child was excelling at btw) she starts screaming and crying. I tell child to go to crying spot and she can rejoin us when she is done crying. Child sits in crying spot, screams and cries. When that doesn't get any attention she starts moaning - similar to Dory in finding Nemo when she is talking to the whale. Child stops after 30 minutes and goes back to the table to finish cutting project.

10 minutes later child starts screaming and crying again.
Goes back to crying spot and is still there screaming and crying.

This little one is as sweet as pie. But this random screaming and crying has to stop. It is effecting the other children in the group. I have tried talking to her and her only answer is "because."

I have a feeling no matter what I say to mom this behavior will continue as a result of how they choose to parent at home. Little one is used to getting her way, being coddled and not feeling anything other than happy. It's not healthy and I am not sure how I can help her here. I was hoping she would learn the difference between home and here...but if she is lacking fundamental coping skills I am not sure that is even possible.

Yes. she is behaving like a young toddler, not a 3 year old as far as self regulation go.

Domains of childhood development
cognitive
social
emotional
physical
language
moral
self help

She's holding her back developmentally. It's as simple as that.