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How to Handle This Behavior?
I hope you awesome providers can help me through this. I have a dcb who is 4 that every day says "I don't want to" about anything and everything from walks to putting his jacket on to craft. I think he is doing this for attention. I have tried ignoring it but that makes him act worse. His parents play in to this game so no help there. Just today he came in barefoot and I asked where are your socks and shoes? Mom said he don't want to so I just put him in the car. Oh my goodness I want to smack my head in to a wall. I know choose your battles. It was 38 this morning and when I put socks on his feet they were like ice cubes. Any advice on this behavior is much apprecieated.
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It's not really helpful, but when children say that to me about non-negotiable things I always start singing Rolling Stone's You can't always get what you waaannt... It doesn't really change their behavior, but it makes me feel better. :
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You can do X or X.
You can put your coat away, or you can sit here until you do.
You can do the craft, or you can sit here until you do.
I would also ask Mom... "What are you going to do when he starts kindergarten next year? Send him to school without shoes? I know he doesn't WANT to, but we all do things we don't want to do that we HAVE to."Comment
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With non-negotiables I respond "I know, and it's still time to..." Sometimes they get a choice of coming "feet on floor (walking) or "feet in air" (I carry them), wearing or carrying their coat, putting their shoes on by themselves or me doing it, etc.
I personally wouldn't make them participate in any activity here - if they choose to sulk in a corner it's their loss. If they drag their heels cleaning up I silently hand them toys and they usually put them away.Comment
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We do the same thing and my current "I don't want to" dcb will do things (or stop complaining) just to stop the other kids from singing it to him!::
I choose to pick my battles but with important things, I'll tell the kids, "I didn't ask you if you wanted to. I'm telling you to... and since I'm the boss, please do what you're told." They usually comply. When they don't, they sit in time out until they decide to comply. It doesn't usually take long when they see the other kids having fun.Comment
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I pick battles.
So if my son in 30 degree (Celsius) dose not want to take off his long hot pants or shirt and put on shorts while he getting red in the facw from running in the heat then I make him.
Or like yesterday he did not want to go outside when we were having outside time then I make him go out. (Yes he decided to sit and cry outside about it for 30 min but he went). But if it's craft time and one of the kids chosse not to do it then I don't force the issue because it not connected to health or saftey like the other things.Comment
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Take it situation by situation. One of my dcb didn't want to learn to put his own rainboots on (with handles) last year. I knew he was capable of doing it, and I even asked him to stick his toes in and I'd do the rest, but it was a big power thing to him. But I didn't want to let that bratty behavior go. So I told him that he'd have to sit on a chair until he got his shoes on. Somehow, after testing me for two outdoor times, he managed to figure out how to put his own shoes on and we haven't looked back.
I don't really worry about socks being on feet, but maybe sock-wearing is a rule at your house.
Not wanting to do a craft...if they're distracting other children with their freeplay, maybe just give them one other option. Or just make it a choice for everyone. Many ece folk feel that crafts are not super-developmentally appropriate anyway, since they're not open-ended.Comment
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My three year old daughter was in a really bad "no!" phase for a while. I just did as the pp suggested....if it was imperative, the choice was do x or mommy will do it for you, and not particularly nicely. If it was not mandatory, but I still wanted it done, it was do it or sit, preferably in a different room.
Dramatic decrease in the no.Comment
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I have a 4 yo going through that right now too. Examples: yesterday it was quiet time and everybody's getting ready. I told dcks it was time to go potty. 4 yo said 'I don't wanna.' After a couple minutes of 'I know but we need to try' I finally took her by the hand and led her in. She just stood there so I helped her get on the toilet.
This dcg had not been to the bathroom all a.m. so I knew she had to go. She completely refused. I felt I did all I could so I had her go to her cot. Of course, after everyone had laid down and I had started to give the baby her bottle, THEN she needed to go.
Same deal when I tell them we need to pick up our books and stuffed animals from quiet time. 'I don't wanna' So now, they've lost that privilege. It's very frustrating but it's a control issue and I don't have time to play their games.
One day dcm came to p/u her dd and she hadn't used the bathroom since before quiet time so I warned her mom. They have an hr. ride home. I could hear her mom in the bathroom telling dcg she had a treat in the car and wouldn't get it if she didn't use the bathroom before they left.
I won't begin to describe the fun I'm having with the 2 1/2 yo twins right now. They're given every darn choice throughout their day. I'll ask them once to do something, then I'll just move them myself. Good grief, I just don't have that kind of time. If I waited for them to be ready to get their shoes on for outside play, we'd never get out there.
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