When to Let Things Go

[CollegeWorker]

I generally work during free-play times, right after they wake up from nap and have a snack. During this time period, there are two dcg in kindergarten and one dcb in preschool. The two girls play great together, need very few reminders to play safe. The dcb, however, is a lot more stressful to watch. His behavior can range from quietly reading to very destructive. I've identified a lot of it as boredom. That's not really the issue though, the main problem is him wanting to up the "aggression" levels in play. It's not that he wants attention, which is what I first thought.

Occasionally he'll try to join in the girls game, but with more aggression. With this I'll see if the dcg handles things herself, and if the situation doesn't get solved I'll step in. During outdoors time I am constantly anxious about his behavior.
I don't want to stop his play or interrupt him, because we try to encourage the children to play together instead of just forming pairs. We're also trying to encourage the dcgs to play with him as well, since they are very close and we're sure the dcb feeling left out might be part of the problem

How do you deal with the worry when some children are more aggressive with play? No one's gotten injured yet but I am constantly worried that if I don't constantly monitor him, something might happen. I'm not the director either, so I don't really know how to handle this problem except redirection, which works only for a little while. I know the director has told him on days where she's there and he has this behavior that if he continues, he'll get in trouble. I just have no idea what that means.

Do I just let some of the behavior go and relax a little? Or do I continue to monitor him. I'm nearly positive i'm the only worker with this problem. There's the director, another girl, and myself working there on different staggered schedules. (I've only been here a month). I'm thinking that they've either ben around it enough that it doesn't worry them, or he's better behaved, though I don't think it's this since he's misbehaved with the director there too.

Part of the problem might be that I've never worked with the preschool age so I'm more aware of what I've heard *could* happen if things go south.

Sorry if this is long! I was trying to write out every situation and thought I could think of that might be helpful.

[AmyKidsCo]

What do you mean by "aggressive"? Is he hurting anyone, or just engaging in "power play" - pretending to be someone powerful like a superhero? How are the girls reacting? Do they mind how he's playing? If not, I'd monitor to see what happens. Maybe say "If you twirl that necklace you might hurt someone." or etc to point out potential problems. If the girls don't like how he's playing you could help them communicate this to him and help all of them figure out what kind of play would work for all of them.

IME boys are more boisterous and more likely to engage in power play than girls, but don't always end up hurting anyone so I'd just keep a close eye on things.

[CollegeWorker]

What do you mean by "aggressive"? Is he hurting anyone, or just engaging in "power play" - pretending to be someone powerful like a superhero? How are the girls reacting? Do they mind how he's playing? If not, I'd monitor to see what happens. Maybe say "If you twirl that necklace you might hurt someone." or etc to point out potential problems. If the girls don't like how he's playing you could help them communicate this to him and help all of them figure out what kind of play would work for all of them.

IME boys are more boisterous and more likely to engage in power play than girls, but don't always end up hurting anyone so I'd just keep a close eye on things.

Not agressive in the way he's hurting others. It's more of a situation when he plays open-handed tag, or if the girls are playing princess, he wants to play tiger. Sometimes the girls will tell him that they're not playing that game and he'll listen. Other times, he ignored them and they get upset that he isn't listening. They're older and slightly more mature, and that also creates a conflict.

When he's doing things that are dangerous, I will suggest that he might get hurt that way. Or we'll use the wording "I'm worried that if you continue to do that...etc." This method works momentarily, but doesn't stick. He'll stop momentarily but continue to do it five minutes later.

Other times his body movements are just really boisterous as you said. Things like the open-handed tag that can easily turn to shoving, or playing with a soccer ball and having that turn into them running into each other. This becomes an issue because he's not inherently doing anything wrong when he gets excited and forgets to mind his hands around others because he's swing them excitedly, but at the same time if I don't stop it he might hurt someone.

[AmyKidsCo]

It sounds like he's being a typical boy. Can you get him more outside time so he has room to run around and be boisterous?

Children are going to run into each other, fall down, and probably get hurt when they play together. It's part of learning how to control their bodies, how to play with others, etc. Allowing them to experience minor "hurts" and helping them navigate through the fallout (saying sorry, making sure the hurt child is OK, showing the hurt child he/she can survive a minor boo-boo) is important to their development.

[Mom2Two]

It does sound like boy play.

I have three x 4 yo boys and a 3 yo boy, none of whom are unusually aggressive. My tender, sweet daughter loves to play family and other imagination games. The 4 yo boys will play with her sometimes, but other times, their play together erupts into playing zombies or superheros or something. They just really like to play those games.

I have pool noodles cut into thirds to be swords and some very light weight balls that I let them play with, but the rule is that another person has to agree to play-fighting, they can't just start whacking someone with a pool noodle who doesn't want it.

I read in one of my carecourses that all three year olds will be aggressive to some extent. If they are taught appropriate behavior, they will be appropriate when they're five. If they don't get taught, they will be aggressive five year olds.

[CollegeWorker]

Thank you for all your replies! You definitely assured me that this is very normal and not just that dcb going too far sometimes. Today I came into work and was told that he and another boy had run into each other this morning and he had gotten a bloody nose. Which, as horrible as it sounds, gave me some comfort that if that did happen on my watch the daycare director would at least be understand that those things can happen and I'm not a bad caregiver for it :hug:

[debbiedoeszip]

I generally work during free-play times, right after they wake up from nap and have a snack. During this time period, there are two dcg in kindergarten and one dcb in preschool. The two girls play great together, need very few reminders to play safe. The dcb, however, is a lot more stressful to watch. His behavior can range from quietly reading to very destructive. I've identified a lot of it as boredom. That's not really the issue though, the main problem is him wanting to up the "aggression" levels in play. It's not that he wants attention, which is what I first thought.

Occasionally he'll try to join in the girls game, but with more aggression. With this I'll see if the dcg handles things herself, and if the situation doesn't get solved I'll step in. During outdoors time I am constantly anxious about his behavior.
I don't want to stop his play or interrupt him, because we try to encourage the children to play together instead of just forming pairs. We're also trying to encourage the dcgs to play with him as well, since they are very close and we're sure the dcb feeling left out might be part of the problem

How do you deal with the worry when some children are more aggressive with play? No one's gotten injured yet but I am constantly worried that if I don't constantly monitor him, something might happen. I'm not the director either, so I don't really know how to handle this problem except redirection, which works only for a little while. I know the director has told him on days where she's there and he has this behavior that if he continues, he'll get in trouble. I just have no idea what that means.

Do I just let some of the behavior go and relax a little? Or do I continue to monitor him. I'm nearly positive i'm the only worker with this problem. There's the director, another girl, and myself working there on different staggered schedules. (I've only been here a month). I'm thinking that they've either ben around it enough that it doesn't worry them, or he's better behaved, though I don't think it's this since he's misbehaved with the director there too.

Part of the problem might be that I've never worked with the preschool age so I'm more aware of what I've heard *could* happen if things go south.

Sorry if this is long! I was trying to write out every situation and thought I could think of that might be helpful.

I have 4 criteria that must be met before I disallow an activity or behaviour. Is it unsafe (bruises and scrapes don't count, what I mean is broken bones and/or permanent damage or worse), is it unhealthy (could it cause serious illness, or worse), is it disrespectful, is it unkind. If the answer is no to all, then I allow (a yes to one will disqualify an activity/behaviour).

Almost every day I issue a new "bruise report" to parents picking up. The parents seem unfazed by it. I have one little guy who is a walking bruise, and a slightly younger girl who tries to do everything he does. Their parents get lots and lots of bruise reports LOL.

[debbiedoeszip]

Things like the open-handed tag that can easily turn to shoving, or playing with a soccer ball and having that turn into them running into each other.

Activities like these are how children acquire coordination and social skills. Bumps, bruises, and scrapes are not a big deal. And a child who is playing too rough will be shunned by the other children which will have a much greater impact than any intervention by an adult. Your job is to watch and make sure that the situation doesn't devolve into a complete Lord of the Flies scenario. IMO, of course.

[debbiedoeszip]

It sounds like he's being a typical boy. Can you get him more outside time so he has room to run around and be boisterous?

Children are going to run into each other, fall down, and probably get hurt when they play together. It's part of learning how to control their bodies, how to play with others, etc. Allowing them to experience minor "hurts" and helping them navigate through the fallout (saying sorry, making sure the hurt child is OK, showing the hurt child he/she can survive a minor boo-boo) is important to their development.

Or I could have just read ahead and agreed with you LOL. ITA with your post.