Kids Changing?

[MissAnn]

I've been in this business a long time. I only have kids 3-5 years old. I expect a lot out of my kids behavior wise. I am very structured and have good routines down. It's worked for years.....

BUT! Things seem to be getting different. Kids can't sit by each other without wrestling and bugging each other. It's hard to even read a book or sing songs. Pinching and pushing are another problem that I rarely had previously. And..I have really good kids!

I blame everything on video games. I don't know.....but it sure seems like I'm fighting a losing battle sometimes. Oh....and the lack of self help skills! Oh my I could go on and on. Maybe I'm just venting....but I feel like a drill sergeant and have never really felt like this in the past. I have a good group of kids too.

[Annalee]

I've been in this business a long time. I only have kids 3-5 years old. I expect a lot out of my kids behavior wise. I am very structured and have good routines down. It's worked for years.....

BUT! Things seem to be getting different. Kids can't sit by each other without wrestling and bugging each other. It's hard to even read a book or sing songs. Pinching and pushing are another problem that I rarely had previously. And..I have really good kids!

I blame everything on video games. I don't know.....but it sure seems like I'm fighting a losing battle sometimes. Oh....and the lack of self help skills! Oh my I could go on and on. Maybe I'm just venting....but I feel like a drill sergeant and have never really felt like this in the past. I have a good group of kids too.

I feel it is a change in homes/parenting. Too many days I feel like a psychologist at pickup/dropoff....Have made some parents unhappy lately by cutting off the drama during these times.

Parents don't know how to function so neither do these kids. Instead of being calm in the chaos, the parents are joining in on the chaos so kids are rambunctious all the time. Just my opinions.

[MissAnn]

I feel it is a change in homes/parenting. Too many days I feel like a psychologist at pickup/dropoff....Have made some parents unhappy lately by cutting off the drama during these times.

Parents don't know how to function so neither do these kids. Instead of being calm in the chaos, the parents are joining in on the chaos so kids are rambunctious all the time. Just my opinions.

Oh my goodness this is so true! My first drop off of the day is like this. As soon as she leaves for the day her kid stops crying. I will text from the driveway that he is no longer crying and in fact playing. I tell her it's a show he has just for her. She actually wanted to have him tested for autism. I just don't think he can be autistic only with her. He shows no signs once she leaves. He quits with babytalk, will take off his shoes and his coat in the proper way (not inside out) and go play. Recently she has called him a "sensitive soul" but he is only a sensitive soul with her. I think parents are also so afraid to disappoint.....kids get what they want, win every game, don't have to dress themselves or do any kind of chore and are apologized to for leaving them at childcare :confused: etc.

[Annalee]

Oh my goodness this is so true! My first drop off of the day is like this. As soon as she leaves for the day her kid stops crying. I will text from the driveway that he is no longer crying and in fact playing. I tell her it's a show he has just for her. She actually wanted to have him tested for autism. I just don't think he can be autistic only with her. He shows no signs once she leaves. He quits with babytalk, will take off his shoes and his coat in the proper way (not inside out) and go play. Recently she has called him a "sensitive soul" but he is only a sensitive soul with her. I think parents are also so afraid to disappoint.....kids get what they want, win every game, don't have to dress themselves or do any kind of chore and are apologized to for leaving them at childcare :confused: etc.

Everybody is a winner, no one is a loser anymore so no one has to earn anything, not even respect....just be who you want to be even if it is disrespectful/hurtful/or downright crazy.... again, just my opinions!

[MissAnn]

Everything is guns and bad guys. I don't necessarily judge playing either of these things....but I say, not at school. It's just so escalating. They play legos....make it a gun and start shooting. They make their bread into guns, whatever is at around. It's like....we see you have making guns down.....can we try building a bridge or a house? LOL

[Annalee]

Everything is guns and bad guys. I don't necessarily judge playing either of these things....but I say, not at school. It's just so escalating. They play legos....make it a gun and start shooting. They make their bread into guns, whatever is at around. It's like....we see you have making guns down.....can we try building a bridge or a house? LOL

The gun play doesn't scare me! What scares me is the "neediness" and "ability to control emotions". Children can't adapt to change or handle the word "no" whether it be with what is appropriate at the time, following directions, etc.... They can't do "anything" without being led or "touching" an adult... Just my opinions!

[Annalee]

The gun play doesn't scare me! What scares me is the "neediness" and "ability to control emotions". Children can't adapt to change or handle the word "no" whether it be with what is appropriate at the time, following directions, etc.... They can't do "anything" without being led or "touching" an adult... Just my opinions!

and I might add that too many parents are this way as well.

[Baby Beluga]

I see this too. Especially with the guns part. I have zero problem with guns but my family views them as a tool, not a toy. I know guns with boys is a big thing but I do think a big part of that has to do with what they are exposed to. I have one little one who I have to be on all the time because his play is "hurting" everything and everyone. Pretend light sabers are used to hit the other children. Blocks are made into guns and he pretends to shoot the the other children. The stuffed animals are zombies and need to be stabbed. I don't mind if a child builds a gun to explore this often "forbidden" thing, but when it gets to this child's level it is just too much and the other children don't like it.

As far as children changing, I think they have/are changing but I believe it begins with the parents. Parents have changed therefore the children are changing. Self help skills, manners and spending quality time with your child(ren) are no longer viewed as the most important things you can teach/give your child(ren). Now the focus is on material things.

I think a lot of it comes from guilt, parents inability to be selfless and parents inability to let their children fail. The generation who are raising children now (and maybe even the one before that) were never taught how to lose gracefully, how to fail and continuing trying, etc. Those children never learned confidence. Now those children are adults and are raising children with those same fears. We now have a society of anxious quitters.

Of course, not all families or children are like this but it seems to be the norm now. At least in my area and experience.

[daycarediva]

Everything is guns and bad guys. I don't necessarily judge playing either of these things....but I say, not at school. It's just so escalating. They play legos....make it a gun and start shooting. They make their bread into guns, whatever is at around. It's like....we see you have making guns down.....can we try building a bridge or a house? LOL

I don't blame video games, but I do blame the fixation on gun/violent play with kids being not allowed to do this play. Children are no longer allowed to have ANY power play. Power play is very important for children. So is the ability to act out violence and handle the scary aspects of life good/bad. As soon as it's started, it's stopped.

We do sword play/gun play here. With limitations. Outside only. ONLY words- never hurting friends. We also ask "Can I shoot you?" etc.

The gun play doesn't scare me! What scares me is the "neediness" and "ability to control emotions". Children can't adapt to change or handle the word "no" whether it be with what is appropriate at the time, following directions, etc.... They can't do "anything" without being led or "touching" an adult... Just my opinions!

SO MUCH THIS YES!

I have so many kids who cannot play without an adult, or cannot play without an adult intervening and commenting/directing the play.

KIDS are changing. Parenting is changing. It's not for the better, either.

Self help skills are at an all time low, parental (behavioral, social, self help) expectations are at an all time low. Academic expectations are at an all time high.

I have conferences this month. NOT looking forward to steering the conversation BACK to the 'real' issues and away from "Susie doesn't know how to read yet." Susie is 4 and can't put on her rain boots. You have bigger worries.

[Annalee]

There are no boundaries, therefore leading to no consequences....life is a "free for all" in too many families.

Can't tell you how many times my sons use the "well, xxxxx gets to do it this/that way" and I reply with "it don't matter to me what xxxx's mom said, I am YOUR mom and the answer is NO". ::

[MissAnn]

Thanks for letting me vent! We are raising the parents more than the kids.

Also...putting a little blame on ME. I have to watch my own attitude. When I'm "off" the kids know it and act out. Today I made a very conscious change in my attitude. It's not that I was mean or even in a bad mood.....just a little frustrated. I didn't realize that I was in a funk and the kids totally sensed that. The last hour has gone much better. It's a learning experience for all of us. Once we stop learning we go stagnant.

[Annalee]

Thanks for letting me vent! We are raising the parents more than the kids.

Also...putting a little blame on ME. I have to watch my own attitude. When I'm "off" the kids know it and act out. Today I made a very conscious change in my attitude. It's not that I was mean or even in a bad mood.....just a little frustrated. I didn't realize that I was in a funk and the kids totally sensed that. The last hour has gone much better. It's a learning experience for all of us. Once we stop learning we go stagnant.

One more reason we all need to use our support systems.

[finsup]

I don't blame video games, but I do blame the fixation on gun/violent play with kids being not allowed to do this play. Children are no longer allowed to have ANY power play. Power play is very important for children. So is the ability to act out violence and handle the scary aspects of life good/bad. As soon as it's started, it's stopped.

We do sword play/gun play here. With limitations. Outside only. ONLY words- never hurting friends. We also ask "Can I shoot you?" etc.



SO MUCH THIS YES!

I have so many kids who cannot play without an adult, or cannot play without an adult intervening and commenting/directing the play.

KIDS are changing. Parenting is changing. It's not for the better, either.

Self help skills are at an all time low, parental (behavioral, social, self help) expectations are at an all time low. Academic expectations are at an all time high.

I have conferences this month. NOT looking forward to steering the conversation BACK to the 'real' issues and away from "Susie doesn't know how to read yet." Susie is 4 and can't put on her rain boots. You have bigger worries.

Oh my goodness, yes!! Dcm is so obsessed with "school" (dcb is 3.5) and doesn't understand why he's not doing the same K work as my son is (who is 5, and IN kindergarten). Yet dcb has zero self help skills, still tantrums like a 18m-24m kid, frequently, has to be led through everything...these are bigger problems that your 3.5yr old not doing K work!!
*Sigh*

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I see a lot of kids with no coping skills. They don't know how to handle defeat and disappointment and strong emotion in a positive way. They have never had to. This is why I see kids losing their sh!t over non issues. They haven't been taught how to not sweat the small stuff. They haven't been taught how to live in a life that will constantly challenge them. The hurdles and hills have been leveled down so there is very little challenge.

[catinthebox]

I see a lot of kids with no coping skills. They don't know how to handle defeat and disappointment and strong emotion in a positive way. They have never had to. This is why I see kids losing their sh!t over non issues. They haven't been taught how to not sweat the small stuff. They haven't been taught how to live in a life that will constantly challenge them. The hurdles and hills have been leveled down so there is very little challenge.

True that!! Every since I been teaching the kids about having good sportsmanship a lot of problems resulting from kids losing has gone down!! Yay!! Too bad we still have kids who still crys because of them being baby at home. THE journey continue!