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Stop changing the 4 year old, then. I went through this with a child, and told him I was done changing him, that I don't change kids old enough to do it themselves. I showed him how to do it the first time, and after that, he cleaned himself up. He potty trained VERY quickly after that-on his own.
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My own daughter is nearly 4 and just became pee trained a few weeks ago and is still not poop trained (see my super frustrating post about it!). Sometimes it is not a parents fault the kid is just annoyingly stubborn. My eldest trained at 3 in 3 days!! No struggle!
I am using a few techniques that some of the ladies told me but so far they are are not working...but she is talking more about pooping on the potty and how she wants to do it so progress I guess.Comment
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Oh and Pinterest has some ideas on making your own light table if you are interested!Comment
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Requiring a child to be trained by a certain age is NOT an approach true Montessori programs use. :confused:
The entire basis of the Montessori approach is not teaching a child to do anything by a certain age but to support the on their personal journey towards independence and self sufficiency. There is no right or wrong age for any developmental skill and denying a child entrance to a program that says they are Montessori is sad...
“Learning to use the toilet is a natural process that begins when your child’s desire to be grown up and his neurological development have reached the point where he can control his bladder and bowels. We don’t train children to use the toilet, we support them when they are ready.”
(How to Raise an Amazing Child: The Montessori way to bring up caring confident children, by Tim Seldin)
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I just wanted to jump in here and share my experience with potty training my stepdaughter. She is 6 1/2 now but when I met her a few months after she turned 3 she was still in pull ups and no one had even so much as introduced it to her.
DH asked me at one point, before I met her, some tips on potty training as I have an older DD and I gave him standard tips like bribing with candy, having her try every so often, taking pull ups away because she wouldn't like the feeling of being wet, etc. Fast forward 5 months and we are deciding to move in together and SD is still not trained at all. At this point she was about 3 yrs 9 mos and we had tried everything we could think of. Nothing worked. She would play in wet, poopy pants for hours, it never seemed to bother her.
Eventually, we just stopped reminding her, took away the pull ups completely, and made her clean up her own messes. She "trained" pretty quickly after that but it was right around her 4th birthday before I considered her trained. Of course, she still has accidents and she is 6 1/2 now. We have since learned that she has sensory processing disorder which explains why she couldn't feel her pants were wet and why it took such a god awful long time to train her. For awhile I was pretty sure part of the problem was that everyone waited too long and she just couldn't break the habit of going in her pants but given the SPD I'm not sure that is necessarily true in her case. She wets her pants every couple of weeks now but I'm sure it happens more than that and we just don't know as she won't tell anyone about it and we still have to make her try to go to the bathroom after an hour long car ride, etc. Twice in the last few months I have asked her if she had to go and she says no and 10 minutes later she wets her pants. SPD diagnoses or not it is still SUPER frustrating to have a 6 1/2 year old child wetting herself on a semi regular basis.Comment
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I wouldn't do a reward system. If you have to bribe her to not soil herself, then she's not ready (despite her age, and for whatever reason). I would keep her in diapers/pull-ups, ask her every hour if she wants to use the potty, give her a small amount of praise when she does, and not give it any more thought than that. Some kids potty train very late. If the parents are ok with her in diapers, then why should you be concerned? Repeat after me: Not my kid, not my problem...LOL.Comment
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As we both know there are more pretend montessori daycares and preschools than there are legit ones. They rope in parents by saying they are montessori and they charge them through the nose for it. It is so sad and I always tell friends and family to check the credentials first!Comment
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I love this idea!I have an entire preschool room of activities that are for those kids that wear underwear only.
Little Legos
Big kid doll house
Markers/art cabinet
"Sewing" supplies
Light Table
Magnet board
Hot Wheels
Tons of things that have smaller pieces or that require older abilities.... you know everything a little kid WANTS desperately to have to have access to
No password required, no fees or dues, no magic words or keys required.....just underwear and the ability to use the toilet.
It's amazing how much of a motivator that can be.
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potty training frustration
Hello Blackcat,
At first I thought your comment was a bit minimal, but now after reading more posts and reviewing the frustrations in my daycare with potty training. . . your way seems almost zenlike and the least stressful. I have been stressing about lack of progress and failures after much progress. But now, after reading your post, I have decided to detach completely from toilet training and let the parents do all the work that i have been doing for years: training each child, with 99% of the parents doing very little if anything.
I had to write you to Thank You, for showing me the way of least resistance and taking back a chunk of my day that will now be Stressless! and giving the parents their child to toilet train.
I wonder if anyone charges extra for all the toilet training we as dc providers do! I was thinking $ 50 - $75. extra per week for this service as it has to be one of the least pleasant jobs of DC not to mention that we are being exposed to Vaccination residues / fumes with each diaper change. . . not a "good thing." I am wearing a essential oil scented mask and great inexpensive gloves from a co. called Dash. Wishing you all the best!
VanessaComment
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can you please retype the link as it doesn't go anywhere . . .
Hello, in the following paragraph you offer a link to parents, but when i tried it, it didn't work. Can you retype it for us? Thank you so much!
Here is what you wrote:
I give this to parents.... https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharingComment
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Link Request Please . . .
Hello Tenderhearts:It does get old and nasty but honestly, it's less stress for you over all. I mean either way you look at it, changing a poopy diaper is gross but it takes only a few minutes and wham bam you're done.
The stress of having to constantly be in "training" mode with this child has got to be way worse....
I am also betting the DCM was more than on board with you doing the reward thing because that meant doing the hard work would be YOUR problem not theirs.
I would just let her be. Let her wear diapers.
I have lots of "big kid" activities and toys that only children in underwear can partake in. If they want to play with those things or be a big kid, it doesn't take the child long to figure it out.
But I certainly won't stress about a child in diapers due to lazy parents and I certainly don't like putting in more time and attention to something that benefits mostly the parents, then the child and lastly you. The stress of training compared to the ick factor having to change a 4 yr old isn't even a difficult choice...
I give this to parents.... https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing
when it's time for me to jump in and help finish up the process, it usually takes only a day or two and that is that.
can you send to my email : ( emilyteagarden@yahoo.com ) the link you mention below, as it doesn't seem to work: you wrote: I give this to parents.... https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing
Thank you,
VanessaComment
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I am with BC on this one! It is up to the parents 100% and I am not getting involved in that decision making process. I have a big kid room too but it is too new for me to tell if it motivates my group.Comment
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