Lend Me Your Ears, Need Advice or a Friend.....

[Unregistered]

Maybe I need a therapist or maybe just a friend or someone with experience...

I am just so stressed and depressed and over this daycare business.

I have been secretly applying for jobs for a year now and have gotten nothing. I haven't had any luck adding more kids to my daycare either.

I am in this intricate relationship with my neighbors and their child. I watch him everyday of the week. I have started to despise him. My husband and I are best friends with these people. The boy is mean to my son, he's a bad influence, he is the boss in their family. They do whatever he wants. I just want them to quit coming because I don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't afford to term and don't technically have the best reason to. I am so sick of the huge ordeal every single pick up and drop off. I am so sick of them hanging around because he wants them to read him a bunch of books, etc. These things may not seem like a big deal, but they eat at you over time.

In general, I am not doing the best that I can do with these kids because I am so down and burnt out. I know that the grass is always greener, so going out into the work force might be just as bad.

I am at a loss. Maybe I should just really work on changing my attitude?

Have any of you felt this way about a child? Or felt down on doing daycare? What did you do to help yourself?

[rosieteddy]

Some kids just grate on you.You are probably feeling a little trapped as well. I would stop letting the parents hang around at the end of the day.WE used to meet outside or in the foyer ready to go with door shut to inside.when it was light out I would walk around the block and have all the stuff (project bags ect) in the stroller.Parents grabbed the child and left.Each child got a sticker for greeting their parent nicely and going without fussing.Worked well. This job can be hard but figure out hoe to make it work for your family.I liked that I was home more than working out of the home.Good luck.

[Indoorvoice]

Yes, when I first opened, I felt this exact way! It took me getting rid of every family I couldn't handle and tightening up my policies big time so that I no longer felt taken advantage of. I feel like a new person! I bet if you termed your neighbors you would feel a ton better!

[Ariana]

It sounds to me like you are working for them instead of working for yourself. There is a HUGE distinction and most of us feel burnt out until we get this. If this kid was gone would it help you stress wise? If I were you I would be willing to get rid of friends for the sake of my sanity. This child is mean to your child!!! why is that ok with you? I would rather have my own child feel safe and supported than be best friends with my stupid neighbors!! if they stop being friends with you over this than they just aren't worth it. Start finding a replacement and get rid of the kid.

[Blackcat31]

Maybe I need a therapist or maybe just a friend or someone with experience...

I am just so stressed and depressed and over this daycare business.

I have been secretly applying for jobs for a year now and have gotten nothing. I haven't had any luck adding more kids to my daycare either.

I am in this intricate relationship with my neighbors and their child. I watch him everyday of the week. I have started to despise him. My husband and I are best friends with these people. The boy is mean to my son, he's a bad influence, he is the boss in their family. They do whatever he wants. I just want them to quit coming because I don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't afford to term and don't technically have the best reason to. I am so sick of the huge ordeal every single pick up and drop off. I am so sick of them hanging around because he wants them to read him a bunch of books, etc. These things may not seem like a big deal, but they eat at you over time.

In general, I am not doing the best that I can do with these kids because I am so down and burnt out. I know that the grass is always greener, so going out into the work force might be just as bad.

I am at a loss. Maybe I should just really work on changing my attitude?

Have any of you felt this way about a child? Or felt down on doing daycare? What did you do to help yourself?

First, :hug:

Second, you are not alone. I've felt "stuck" with a family before too. It's easy for something to not really be a big deal but grow into a big deal right in front of us.

I think you DO need to term this family and I think you have very legitimate reason to terminate this family.... the lack of boundaries definitely takes a toll on a person.

I would start re-thinking your activities, the environment and both your and DCK's behaviors during pick up and drop off times and see what changes you can make there to change and/or influence what is happening.

How old is this child?

Is these parents YOUR friends or your husbands or both of yours?

Hoping to get some insight via details so better advice can be given.

You are ALWAYS welcome to private message me.... I am happy to be an ear to vent or to help where I can or just to be a friend.

[Mike]

You need to take control of your business. Set and keep some rules and limitations and see if things change. If not, time to let go. If they are friends, they will understand and even try to help. Otherwise, they're not friends.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

My responses are in purple.

Maybe I need a therapist or maybe just a friend or someone with experience...

I am just so stressed and depressed and over this daycare business.

I have been secretly applying for jobs for a year now and have gotten nothing. I haven't had any luck adding more kids to my daycare either.

I am in this intricate relationship with my neighbors and their child. I watch him everyday of the week. I have started to despise him. My husband and I are best friends with these people.
I have recently learned that inviting your friend to participate in your business is the absolute worst idea ever. I am currently dealing with it. There are limited boundaries and if you want them then you're going to have to directly state what they are and enforce them.
At this point, for me, I figure if they aren't my friend any longer due to it then they were never a REAL friend to begin with. Perhaps you could start thinking along the same lines?

The boy is mean to my son, he's a bad influence, he is the boss in their family. They do whatever he wants. I just want them to quit coming because I don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't afford to term and don't technically have the best reason to. I am so sick of the huge ordeal every single pick up and drop off. I am so sick of them hanging around because he wants them to read him a bunch of books, etc. These things may not seem like a big deal, but they eat at you over time.
That DOES seem like a big deal to me. Do you have an entryway baby gate? If not, please get one. They're less than $50. Shut it and lock it at the end of the day as you're in the entryway for pick up. Do not allow him to go back in. "Oh, I'm sorry Simon! The daycare day is done! I will save the books on the shelf for you tomorrow. Have a nice night!" and walk away.

In general, I am not doing the best that I can do with these kids because I am so down and burnt out. I know that the grass is always greener, so going out into the work force might be just as bad.

I am at a loss. Maybe I should just really work on changing my attitude?

Have any of you felt this way about a child? Or felt down on doing daycare? What did you do to help yourself?
Honestly? I got rid of the child. If that WASN'T an option I began establishing VERY clear boundaries that eventually either helped the family leave or made me feel much better.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Some kids just grate on you.You are probably feeling a little trapped as well. I would stop letting the parents hang around at the end of the day.WE used to meet outside or in the foyer ready to go with door shut to inside.when it was light out I would walk around the block and have all the stuff (project bags ect) in the stroller.Parents grabbed the child and left.Each child got a sticker for greeting their parent nicely and going without fussing.Worked well. This job can be hard but figure out hoe to make it work for your family.I liked that I was home more than working out of the home.Good luck.

I do the same for morning drop offs! ::

[My3cents]

Maybe I need a therapist or maybe just a friend or someone with experience...daycare is isolating. you probably do need a friend, and experience. Read the forums and learn and apply what will work best for you

I am just so stressed and depressed and over this daycare business.

I have been secretly applying for jobs for a year now and have gotten nothing. I haven't had any luck adding more kids to my daycare either.daycare is not for everyone. Its hard work. Demanding and hard to shut off at times. Advertise and word of mouth, get your name out there that your looking for kids, tell everyone that will listen you have a daycare and if you know anyone looking for care that you have openings.

I am in this intricate relationship with my neighbors and their child. I watch him everyday of the week. I have started to despise him. My husband and I are best friends with these people. The boy is mean to my son, he's a bad influence, he is the boss in their family. They do whatever he wants. What a parent does at home, does not have to be what you do at care. Your rules apply when he is at your house.I just want them to quit coming because I don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't afford to term and don't technically have the best reason to. I am so sick of the huge ordeal every single pick up and drop off. Change this. Meet at the door and tell them it is best for the child and everyone else in care if you make drop off and picks ups short. Then don't let them stay. I am so sick of them hanging around because he wants them to read him a bunch of books, etc. These things may not seem like a big deal, but they eat at you over time.They can do this at their home. It's not about the child but more about the see what a great parent I am...I read to my child in front of you....I want you to see that I do this. No No no... Sorry but you just need to tell them they can do that at home, you need to get on with your day when your working

In general, I am not doing the best that I can do with these kids because I am so down and burnt out. Only you can change this. Read the burn out post. Take care of you. Have good rules,handbook, policies and apply them with out feeling guilty. Only you can decide if working at home is right for you or if a job outside of the house would be better. They both have pro's and cons. I know that the grass is always greener, so going out into the work force might be just as bad.

I am at a loss. Maybe I should just really work on changing my attitude? yes I agree. We are the holder of own happiness. No one can do that for us except us. You can choose to be miserable or you can decide to be happy and content at where you are at, and make changes for yourself to improve if you feel that is needed

Have any of you felt this way about a child? Or felt down on doing daycare? What did you do to help yourself?

change my attitude. I think we all go through this at times. I call it a reality check. I am not rich so I have to work. Work is what it is. They don't call it work for nothing. So I can turn my way of thinking around or I can wallop in it. I try to choose to be positive. Find the good when possible.

You might be the difference maker in this little guys life. You might be the one that teaches him boundaries, discipline etc.. and with all of that he will find safety and love. That you care enough to look out for his well being. No reason he should not be nice to your child. You are in charge. This kid looks like a challenge and I think that is one of the things I like best about my job. I am always challenged. Hope all of this helps you-

I would start with some rules and expectations of your business, you can always add to them as you go and find you need to revamp. Make sure you give yourself paid vacations, paid days off/holidays and sick days. Don't let parents walk on you. Even if you have just one child in your care. I have been doing this for years and I have found daycare runs best when rules and policies are in place and enforced.

you can always say to these people. I know we are friends but I have rules for my business and I hope you will understand that when I working they apply to everyone. I would follow this with, please make sure your drop off and pick up are in a timely manner from now on. The more you say stuff like this, the easier it is. It's awkward the first time, but much easier after.

Best- 3cents

[My3cents]

Forgot to add....sometimes rare occasions stumble on by that it is just not a right fit. Be ok with yourself to let the child move on if this is the case. No amount of money is worth your sanity or for your family. When it doesn't work and you do let them go you will feel a relief like no other that will tell you that you did the right thing. Don't let one bad experience cloud you that all kids/parents are going to be the same

Again wish you the Best-
3Cents

[Controlled Chaos]

I have been secretly applying for jobs for a year now and have gotten nothing. I haven't had any luck adding more kids to my daycare either.

Nothing wring with keeping your options open. Even when super happy with daycare, I don't see this as a bad or "secret"

I am in this intricate relationship with my neighbors and their child. I watch him everyday of the week. I have started to despise him. My husband and I are best friends with these people. The boy is mean to my son, he's a bad influence, he is the boss in their family. They do whatever he wants. I just want them to quit coming because I don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't afford to term and don't technically have the best reason to. I am so sick of the huge ordeal every single pick up and drop off. I am so sick of them hanging around because he wants them to read him a bunch of books, etc. These things may not seem like a big deal, but they eat at you over time.

My first DCK was my best friends kid. Its hard! When I finally said I am not doing her a favor, or I am running a business she is a customer of - it got easier. Read lots of threads on this forum about procedures, backbone, burn out and something like "best changes" or "favorite things about your daycare" and you will find lots of great suggestions and ideas.

I think we have all felt like you at some time :hug: Doing daycare is hard! And most of us started out without much business experience. There is a huge learning curve!

Think about what would make you happy. What would your day look like? What changes can you make to get there?

[Unregistered]

First, :hug:

Second, you are not alone. I've felt "stuck" with a family before too. It's easy for something to not really be a big deal but grow into a big deal right in front of us.

I think you DO need to term this family and I think you have very legitimate reason to terminate this family.... the lack of boundaries definitely takes a toll on a person.

I would start re-thinking your activities, the environment and both your and DCK's behaviors during pick up and drop off times and see what changes you can make there to change and/or influence what is happening.

How old is this child?

Is these parents YOUR friends or your husbands or both of yours?

Hoping to get some insight via details so better advice can be given.

You are ALWAYS welcome to private message me.... I am happy to be an ear to vent or to help where I can or just to be a friend.

The child is 4 years old, and yes the parents are both of our friends. Although, I spend more time with them than my husband does.

Also, thank you, I really appreciate it.

[Unregistered]

Thank you to everyone who replied. Just typing these feelings down and reading your responses has made me feel slightly better.

[Mom2Two]

Hugs. And yep, like everyone else, I've felt stuck with a family too. It's happened more than once. It feels so good to move on.

In the case of this family, it sounds like your parenting style is way different than theirs. They sound lenient, which is pretty much the quickest way to ruin a child.

There's real research that says that "authoritative" parenting is the best, where the parents have reasonable, clear expections from children, along with lots of support and love. (Different from authoritarian, where there are super high, unreasonable expectations with little support).

It's not your fault. They really are not being good parents if the child is constantly the boss of stuff he shouldn't be. I think any of us would find this to be a bad situation.

[Unregistered]

Goodness, today Mom called me and said they'd be an hour late and that she took the day off from work and wanted to come have coffee with me and talk about next week's schedule. She comes over and decides to stay for 2 hours, including joining us for our walk. Ugh! I just can't flat out tell her to go away!

I did talk to her about how I would like middle of the day pick up to be quick and easy. I told her how her husband sat and read books to their kid for way too long. I know that he will think that is unreasonable on my part to disapprove of that.

We just have such different views on what is right and respectful. I have been up the past couple of nights tossing and turning because I am stressed. I was really dreading today because I have a houseful of kids and had to see this family as well. Then she pulls this crap this morning. Did not help me feel better!