Parent & Provider Trust Expectations

[Max]

So I noticed trust comes up a lot, especially in the threads talking about cameras. I thought it would be interesting to have a thread to hear on what a provider (or parent!) expects as far as trust goes. Sorry if there already is one that I missed

FWIW - I think having cameras for liability reasons is great but parents don't need streaming access. Too much invasion of privacy for the provider. (For the record, I used to be all for having live streaming in my daycare to prove to parents they can trust me but I'm SOOO glad I read the threads on here before doing that!!!)

I also think sending a kid with a hidden camera is ridiculous and I would never do that unless I expected some serious type of abuse was going on... I get that if you expect serious abuse, you shouldn't even send your child there and should report it, but for evidence purposes, I could see this happening. Having things recorded could make or break a provider's career and if they are being abusive, it could save a LOT of other kiddos.

Anyways, I digress What level of trust do you guys expect from a parent? Long timer vs. brand new DCF?

Previous posts have said something along the lines of "If you don't trust me, find someone else." Legit for DCF that have been coming to you for awhile (months/years?) but what about DCF who are just starting there? A lot of parents don't have the luxury of shopping around, depending on their area, b/c openings are so hard to find, someone flaked last minute, etc. So you might have to settle. Or if you're like me, you have anxiety about leaving your child anywhere, with anyone but know you gotta get over it to some degree

I think trust has to be earned so I wouldn't expect a DCF to trust me 100% right off the bat b/c I'm not going to trust them. Ex: I wouldn't let a late fee or payment slide in the first few weeks (thanks to this forum for encouraging backbones!), not until they've earned my trust that it won't happen often/ever.

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't expect a DCF to trust me 100% right off the bat

I do.

I have jumped through all the hoops (and then some) the state requires of me.

If a family is looking to place their child in the care of someone else, they HAVE to trust me 100% and take what I say at face value...what other option do they really have?

Oh, they DO have other options....they can hire a nanny that THEY choose, hire a family member or close friend. Or they can choose to not use daycare services and opt to stay home and care for their own child.

When a parent chooses to use a licensed (or legally unlicensed) child care provider they ARE placing their trust in them so they have more than likely come to terms with that concept already.

Lack of available spaces should never be a factor in choosing a provider for your child.
If it is, then that's on the parent if they choose a program that is not a good fit for them.

A lot of parents don't have the luxury of shopping around

This is their child. Not a car repair shop or a contractor. If a parent seriously cannot take the time to "shop around" then they aren't a family I would ever choose to enroll.

Doing what's best for your child shouldn't be a luxury, it should be a responsibility and a priority.

[childcaremom]

If a parent signs on with me, I expect them to trust me. I would never leave my child somewhere with someone I didn't trust and expect all of my clients to be the same. Even if I was stuck finding a spot on short notice, never would I just take the first spot I came upon.

I tell all potential clients that when they find the right spot, they'll know. They'll feel it. I don't want them as clients unless they have that feeling with me.

[Max]

I do.

I have jumped through all the hoops (and then some) the state requires of me.

Lack of available spaces should never be a factor in choose a provider for your child. If it is, then that's on the parent if they choose a program that is not a good fit for them.

This is their child. Not a car repair shop or a contractor. If a parent seriously cannot take the time to "shop around" then they aren't a family I would ever choose to enroll.

Doing what's best for your child shouldn't be a luxury, it should be a responsibility and a priority.

I agree that jumping through all the hoops to become licensed definitely warrants a large amount of trust. I said I wouldn't expect 100% because there are licensed providers who don't do the right thing behind closed doors. So for me, I would expect like 90% off the bat and then 100% after enrolled for a little while I just think to get to 100% it has to be earned and you have to follow through with what you say.

I've read enough threads to learn that signing a contract and placing your trust in someone, doesn't mean you won't get burned.

As a parent, you can take the time to shop around and STILL not be able to find the care you need. You could make it your top priority and do your very best and still struggle. It shouldn't be a luxury, but it is (sometimes). You could call anyone and everyone from the moment you find out you're pregnant, but still only be left with very few choices.

BUT, percentages aside, I do think that by parents choosing you they should trust you with the health and safety of their child. I would never bring my child somewhere if I thought they could be in danger.

[Max]

Maybe a better way to put is, is both parties should trust each other until there is a reason to show otherwise?

[Max]

I tell all potential clients that when they find the right spot, they'll know. They'll feel it. I don't want them as clients unless they have that feeling with me.

That's a great way to put it!!

[Blackcat31]

Maybe a better way to put is, is both parties should trust each other until there is a reason to show otherwise?

exactly.

Many times in a relationship, the trust ebbs and flows.

It's just dependent on the working relationship you have with the family and/or the provider. Trust does not always increase (grow) over time. For example, I have a family that has 3 kids. I've had all 3 in care since birth. The level of trust I have in this family in certain areas has diminished based on past behaviors.

But, it's a "dance" I have no issues with because I do have policies in place that protect my financial well being and my personal well being. So for that reason, trust on my part does not always have to be there. kwim?

My policies differ in my level of enforcement/flexibility based on the relationship I have with the family.

Like any relationship, it's constantly growing and changing. Sometimes the trust grows and sometimes it dies.

Trust is the basis for my rule of only accepting infants from currently enrolled families. I trust current families to know and follow my policies so therefore taking an infant from a family I have a current working relationship with is much easier for me for many reasons.

Trust is a funny thing. I've trusted people I shouldn't have before and not trusted those I should have but for me I think it's a personal thing and something that really means something different for everyone.

[Snowmom]

I agree that jumping through all the hoops to become licensed definitely warrants a large amount of trust. I said I wouldn't expect 100% because there are licensed providers who don't do the right thing behind closed doors. So for me, I would expect like 90% off the bat and then 100% after enrolled for a little while I just think to get to 100% it has to be earned and you have to follow through with what you say.

I've read enough threads to learn that signing a contract and placing your trust in someone, doesn't mean you won't get burned.

As a parent, you can take the time to shop around and STILL not be able to find the care you need. You could make it your top priority and do your very best and still struggle. It shouldn't be a luxury, but it is (sometimes). You could call anyone and everyone from the moment you find out you're pregnant, but still only be left with very few choices.

BUT, percentages aside, I do think that by parents choosing you they should trust you with the health and safety of their child. I would never bring my child somewhere if I thought they could be in danger.

I get what you're saying and think some of us have based our decision to open a home daycare on that very thought process (we don't trust anyone to raise our kids but ourselves, hence the choice of being a provider).

But that's the nitty gritty right there: we've made the choice to care for our child because that's the choice we felt comfortable with.

I think the vast percentage of providers know that the first few weeks of care, the parent will need to be reassured. We tend to that by reaching out at some point in the day to establish that trust and reassurance.
After the first couple weeks, we expect they know we need to focus on the kids and to trust their child adjusted well.

However, referencing the camera comment, a parent who wants to secure the trust by essentially spying on the provider (i.e.; cameras) just destroyed my trust in them.

And a parent who feels they are compromising what they want in a provider by choosing one just because they THINK they don't have other options, just doomed the parent/provider relationship. 9 times out of 10 they are going to try and change the provider's business to suit their needs or create a hostile environment because they aren't getting what they need out of the relationship.
Just like marriage

[laundrymom]

I dont think the reassurance needed in the first few weeks by parents is trust based so much as curiosity based. I think they genuinely want to know how the child is. Not that they are "checking up" on me.
I am a professional. That is what they trust. They trust my process and my experience.
If they didn't they would choose a more affordable option who wasn't so strict on rules. Lol.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I dont think the reassurance needed in the first few weeks by parents is trust based so much as curiosity based. I think they genuinely want to know how the child is. Not that they are "checking up" on me.
I am a professional. That is what they trust. They trust my process and my experience.
If they didn't they would choose a more affordable option who wasn't so strict on rules. Lol.

I think so, too.

Sending 4-10 photos via an app throughout the day helps my parents feel very comfortable (well, 99% ... that 1% can't be satisfied).

[e.j.]

I expect different levels of trust from families depending on where they got my name and how long they've been with me. Most of my families come to me through word of mouth. I expect a higher level of trust from them than I do from the families who come to me after finding my name on the state's listing of licensed providers. I expect a lot more trust from families who have been with me for awhile.

For the most part, though, I expect a basic level of trust from newer families and then expect to earn their trust as we get to know each other.

[Ariana]

I think the number one thing is trust and confidence in yourself as a provider. I trust myself and have the utmost confidence in my abilities as a provider and it is why I have a 100% sign on rate with families. They come to me and they can sense that I am confident. The same way a confident adult makes a child feel secure, a nervous adult can feel secure with a confident provider. A person who continues to doubt my abilities but signs on with me anyway usually doesn't last the integration period. I also know without a doubt that they won't trust anyone, no matter who it is.

As for me trusting families, I do not trust them at all! It might be hypocritical but I have been burned a few too many times to fully trust that people have their kids best interest at heart.

[daycare]

I tell parents that if any question at all comes to mind, even if they feel it's stupid, silly or what not, they need to talk to me. they need to build a relationship based on communication and trust. If they don't, they will resent not asking me and may harbor ill feelings towards me.

I also tell them, trust me that I won't hold anything back when it comes to the well being of your child, so I ask that you do the same.

I do expect for parents to trust me, until they feel they have a reason not to and even then, I expect them to belive what I tell them.

In some situations, I am baffled by the parents that when I tell them your child hit another child today, they turn around and ask their child, susie did you hit someone today....

I want to wack my head on a wall.....DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU YOUR CHILD DID THAT, WHY ARE YOU ASKING THEM AS IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.....this is a mild example, but it's still based on the parent needing to trust what I tell them.