False Accusations?

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

I am currently doing daycare legally unlicensed in my home (less than 4 kids). I have had two siblings that are part-time for about 10 months, current ages 3 and 5. A few months ago dcm switched work schedules to 2nd shift and I agreed to keep them later in the evening until dcd could get off work. I didn't think it would be a big deal, because its only a couple times a week. However the biggest change was that now they are here when my husband is home.

Dcg5 was immediately super drawn to my husband and we had to set some boundary limits (i.e. its not OK for her to try to sit on his lap). Recently though we've had to incidents in which she has made accusations that my husband purposely harmed her and her sibling. Once she fell in the yard after trying to pull a water hose from his hands and came and told me that he pushed her to the ground. The second time her sibling was standing in the entryway when he came in and the door bumped the sibling. Later dcg came and told my husband that she was going to tell her dad that my husband slammed her sibling with door and hurt the sibling.

Both times we made the parents aware of both the incidents and what she had said about them. The parents did not seemed concerned and said this also happens at home (she tells her dad she is going to tell mom that he hurt her on purpose). I have voiced my concern that if she were to tell another adult these things (at preschool, church, etc...) that it could be reported (and honestly I feel it should be reported if a child says someone is harming them). I told the parents that if it continues I will not be able to continue care into the evenings.

Now for my questions...
1. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it should be?

2. Should I continue to offer care during the day if they are picked up before hubby gets home?

3. How would you handle the situation?

[daycarediva]

Is there a way that your husband could not be available to them at all? Eg. when husband is in, kids are outside. When kids are out, hubby is in.

I would probably just replace. All it takes is one false allegation, and this dcg is a time bomb for that.

[DaveA]

I wouldn't care for a child who is lying about something like that. Even if DCPs aren't concerned now, it could get ugly quickly if she says something around someone else or if DCPs get mad about something.

I would term ASAP.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

No good way to seperate, currently the house we are in is small, and unless hubs hides in the bedroom all evening its just not possible. (It's already to cold here to have all the kids out at that time of day) We are moving soon and into a larger home, which is about the only reason the hubs is still on board with them coming. He keeps saying "Well when we get in the new house I can go elsewhere."

[Blackcat31]

I am currently doing daycare legally unlicensed in my home (less than 4 kids). I have had two siblings that are part-time for about 10 months, current ages 3 and 5. A few months ago dcm switched work schedules to 2nd shift and I agreed to keep them later in the evening until dcd could get off work. I didn't think it would be a big deal, because its only a couple times a week. However the biggest change was that now they are here when my husband is home.

Dcg5 was immediately super drawn to my husband and we had to set some boundary limits (i.e. its not OK for her to try to sit on his lap). Recently though we've had to incidents in which she has made accusations that my husband purposely harmed her and her sibling. Once she fell in the yard after trying to pull a water hose from his hands and came and told me that he pushed her to the ground. The second time her sibling was standing in the entryway when he came in and the door bumped the sibling. Later dcg came and told my husband that she was going to tell her dad that my husband slammed her sibling with door and hurt the sibling.

Both times we made the parents aware of both the incidents and what she had said about them. The parents did not seemed concerned and said this also happens at home (she tells her dad she is going to tell mom that he hurt her on purpose). I have voiced my concern that if she were to tell another adult these things (at preschool, church, etc...) that it could be reported (and honestly I feel it should be reported if a child says someone is harming them). I told the parents that if it continues I will not be able to continue care into the evenings.

Now for my questions...
1. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it should be?

2. Should I continue to offer care during the day if they are picked up before hubby gets home?

3. How would you handle the situation?

#1 No, you are NOT making a bigger deal out of this than it should be. It SHOULD be alarming... because it is. At 5 she should know the difference between someone purposely hurting her and someone accidentally hurting her. There IS a reason she feels the need to "tattle" this info...added attention, shock factor? I don't know but she is getting something out of it or she wouldn't be doing it.

#2 I would refuse to offer care during hours your husband is home. I would also invest in a video camera. You do NOT need to give parents access but IF there was ever an accusation the parent did believe you would have video to show differently.

#3 I would stop providing care all together...if she is in any way finding something positive in tattling, your DH will no longer be the target if he isn't accessible but that doesn't mean she won't start tattling on you.


I can't and won't keep kids that are a risk to my livelihood.

[Mike]

Is there a way that your husband could not be available to them at all? Eg. when husband is in, kids are outside. When kids are out, hubby is in.

I would probably just replace. All it takes is one false allegation, and this dcg is a time bomb for that.

I'm wondering why she's like that. Something about her or her life is making her that way, but she is a ticking time bomb. Unless the parents can figure out the issue, and explain lying and exaggerating to her, it's too risky to keep her.

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't care for a child who is lying about something like that. Even if DCPs aren't concerned now, it could get ugly quickly if she says something around someone else or if DCPs get mad about something.

I would term ASAP.

THIS! I've seen so many good parent-provider relationships go bad at the flip of a switch... we've had providers on this forum go through it.....

Great parents, trust the provider 100% and then wham....parent doesnt like paying for a closed day or having their child excluded for strep and suddenly the parent believes every story "Little Snowflake" told.

Super risky...

[Play Care]

What everyone else said.

I will add that my husband has NOTHING to do with the day care, period. He doesn't talk to, play with, interact, with day care at all. When they are here and he is home, he's doing his own thing in areas off limits to day care.

And not because I don't trust him, KWIM...

[Ariana]

My dcg is here for about 1/2 an hour when my husband gets home. He goes into another room and doesn't interact with us until she leaves. Maybe that is something you could do? If he was working I wouldn't be bothering him so he treats it the same way....my work day is not over until she is gone.

I would be very worried about a child saying the wrong thing and it only takes one time. No matter how understanding the parents might seem you never know how they will react.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

Thanks ladies, I was leaning toward term, but always second guess myself. And with the parents being unconcerned...

I tend to people-please to avoid any possible drama/confrontation. (Yes, I've been reading other threads. Yes I realize I need to do that whole grow a backbone thing. Yes I am still in year one and am afraid of losing income, etc...) Had a good feeling this was the response I would get... think I just needed to hear it.

[Nurse Jackie]

I would most definitely term. It's too much of a liability. My husband works graveyard and rarely interacts with the kids with the exception of saying hi as he's walking through the door. A couple of them haven't met him because they arrive after he's in bed and leave before he wakes up. Every now and then he'll come and keep me company while I'm waiting for the last pick up. With that being said yes this is a daycare but it's my home first. I couldn't imagine telling my husband to stay locked up in his room while I keep someone else's child. I wouldn't keep anyone's child that could possibly get my husband or one of my children in serious trouble. It's not worth it.

[Mom2Two]

What everyone else said. The video camera seems like a good idea too while you're working it out.

I know I wouldn't be able to continue living with that situation. It's a terrible thing to falsely accuse someone of harm.

Some kids seem to really start lying at that age.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Term! She is lying, the parents know she is lying, yet nothing is being done. Let them deal with their little liar. The minute they have an issue with you, their little liar will be Mother Theresa and all her stories will then be used against you. Term, term, term!

[Snowmom]

I would term too.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.

It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.

[Mike]

Some kids seem to really start lying at that age.

I've noticed that a few times. It seems like it's probably because they know the difference between truth and lies, but don't understand the importance of it, so they tend to say whichever way they prefer.

I would term too.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.

It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.

Very smart idea.