How Do You Decide?

[TXhomedaycare]

I have a new dcb I have previously posted about that has cause me to start thinking about how to decide if a child is ready for care or not. He is 20 months old and has never been in care or away from his parents. On Monday he cried the full day even while I was holding him or when he would let me hold him (most of the day he stood at the front door and kept throwing himself on the floor. He ate very little. On Tuesday he ate less and cried about the same. Yesterday he ate a little more and cried a little less but still a lot (75% of the day and he was here for hours). At this point my nerves are shot and I don't know if I can take another day of the yell crying. How do you decide if a child is ready for care? He is also pooping 2 or 3 times a drop off due to stress and then doesn't use the restroom the rest of the day. Is he too stressed and I should send him home. After how much crying do you send a child home? Please give me some times or your advice for handling a child who has never been in care because he is my first and I am on day 4 and struggling.

[Blackcat31]

I have a new dcb I have previously posted about that has cause me to start thinking about how to decide if a child is ready for care or not. He is 20 months old and has never been in care or away from his parents. On Monday he cried the full day even while I was holding him or when he would let me hold him (most of the day he stood at the front door and kept throwing himself on the floor. He ate very little. On Tuesday he ate less and cried about the same. Yesterday he ate a little more and cried a little less but still a lot (75% of the day and he was here for hours). At this point my nerves are shot and I don't know if I can take another day of the yell crying. How do you decide if a child is ready for care? He is also pooping 2 or 3 times a drop off due to stress and then doesn't use the restroom the rest of the day. Is he too stressed and I should send him home. After how much crying do you send a child home? Please give me some times or your advice for handling a child who has never been in care because he is my first and I am on day 4 and struggling.

I used to wait it out far too long.

I just kept telling myself it would get better.

It would for a minute or an hour or even a day or so but it might have just been me looking for signs of improvement...

Now, the minute I dread the child showing up, I don't care if it's Day 4 or Day 44....the minute I start dreading the child showing up or am elated the child isn't scheduled for a day is the day I know it's time to say "Bye-bye".

I know that is kind of sad but I just can't.

I can't fix kids who's parent don't prepare them for care.

The parents of this little boy knew he was going to be in daycare and they didn't do anything to prepare him for their absence and ow YOU are the one dealing with it. (and poor DCB )

So long story short... I'd term. I just can't do all day criers.

[TXhomedaycare]

I used to wait it out far too long.

I just kept telling myself it would get better.

It would for a minute or an hour or even a day or so but it might have just been me looking for signs of improvement...

Now, the minute I dread the child showing up, I don't care if it's Day 4 or Day 44....the minute I start dreading the child showing up or am elated the child isn't scheduled for a day is the day I know it's time to say "Bye-bye".

I know that is kind of sad but I just can't.

I can't fix kids who's parent don't prepare them for care.

The parents of this little boy knew he was going to be in daycare and they didn't do anything to prepare him for their absence and ow YOU are the one dealing with it. (and poor DCB )

So long story short... I'd term. I just can't do all day criers.

Thanks BC do you have anything I could give to mom about how to prepare your child for care? I know I found an article online a while back but I can't seem to find it.

[Boymom]

First of all, I am praying for you! I personally would term. I have a dck that is starting to scream (even when he's not mad) and it's getting on my last nerve, but if he did that all day, I would say, BYE FELICIA! I'm already getting high blood pressure and heart palpitations because of his scream that could break my windows :dislike:

[Fiddlesticks]

There is a saying regarding starting daycare, "Before 6 months, or after 2 years" Children who start daycare following those guidelines have a much easier time adjusting than children who fall into the in-between. Being 20 months, I imagine he will figure it out soon. Does he attend five days a week? If so, I imagine he will settle in by the end of the first two weeks. If not, it will likely be longer. I usually give children that act like this a place where they can be sad and cry, like a chair or even their mat set up in the daycare space... When they want to play they can calm down and join us.

[daycare]

There is a saying regarding starting daycare, "Before 6 months, or after 2 years" Children who start daycare following those guidelines have a much easier time adjusting than children who fall into the in-between. Being 20 months, I imagine he will figure it out soon. Does he attend five days a week? If so, I imagine he will settle in by the end of the first two weeks. If not, it will likely be longer. I usually give children that act like this a place where they can be sad and cry, like a chair or even their mat set up in the daycare space... When they want to play they can calm down and join us.

I have also heard this.

sounds a lot like separation anxiety.

do you have a calm down spot?

When I have a screamer, I give them a lovey and take them to the calm down spot. It is a spot far away from us, but I can still see the child. I tell the child, you are safe, you are ok, you can come out to play with us when you are done.

I am sure to check on the child often, eventually the child will stop screaming, when they do, I will very slowly and gently approach them with another child (new big people can be scary)and say, I see you are smiling and ready to play with DCK. I have dck take their hand and say something nice to them. I use the other DCks to earn the new kids trust. Rinse and repeat.

If they cry, you tell you can't cry here, then back to the calm down spot, you can cry here. over and over.

the calm down spot is for us and the other children too. crying is one thing that I have a very hard time with, scream crying I can't take for longer than 5 minutes.

[Snowmom]

Much like Blackcat, I've stuck it out far too long in the past.
I now approach it like this:
I think we get a good idea of what the child/provider relationship will be like after two weeks of regular care.
If after two weeks, we (myself and the child) don't have a good, comfortable relationship with one another, then it's not going to work long term.

[daycare]

Much like Blackcat, I've stuck it out far too long in the past.
I now approach it like this:
I think we get a good idea of what the child/provider relationship will be like after two weeks of regular care.
If after two weeks, we (myself and the child) don't have a good, comfortable relationship with one another, then it's not going to work long term.

I did forget to include this..
Do you have a two week trial period?

[childcaremom]

I totally agree with BC's sentiments. And I am still guilty of sticking it out too long in many cases hoping that it will improve.

However, I agree that this particular case sounds like separation anxiety. I mentioned this the other day: I had a similar case and lasted 2 days. My dcg cried all.the.time. Play time, meal time, nap time. Continous crying. I could tell the little one was too stressed to continue in a group care setting, never mind how stressed I and the rest of the group was. I wasn't prepared to 'wait and see' for my whole trial period. I told dcm at the end of day 2 I was done.

[Baby Beluga]

For those who have termed quickly due to the child not adjusting well - how did the parents react?

[Pestle]

I did four days of emergency back-up care for a neighbor whose MIL had a medical problem. On day 4, the mom picked up early because we all knew this was hell for everybody involved.

9mo screamed. bloody. murder for 4 days straight. Sobbing, raging, clawing, scratching, beating-me-in-the-head screaming. Apparently she does that with everyone except for the parents and grandma.

On day 3, I thought: I would genuinely rather be dead than be here right now. If you reach the point of suicidal ideation, it's time to term!

[daycare]

I have learned that it takes 6-8 times of doing something new to become comfortable. 20-30 times of consistency to achieve desired results.

I am curious too, how do the parents react when you term after 2-3 days...

and I am not saying that you should keep the child, we all have our limits and have the right to voice them. When you are done, be done. I would do what is best for everyone here and if that means term, then that is what you need to do.

[TXhomedaycare]

I did forget to include this..
Do you have a two week trial period?

Yes I do

[childcaremom]

Speaking from my experience, parents are never surprised when I term. Well, only two but these were both issues with behaviour and parents were in complete denial.

For the most part, parents KNOW what their children are like. I think some of them are surprised that I try as long as I do.

In this particular instance, with the little one crying continuously all day and unhappy, dcm knew that little one was stressed so was not shocked and understood.

But imho, this is a severe case of separation anxiety. I will stick out SA if it is intermittent crying and child doesn't appear to be overly stressed. My trial period is 4 weeks. So I will give it a go if child is showing signs of improving.

I had one other one, when I first started, who cried all day. I tried for 2 weeks and then termed. Dcm told me that she understood and was surprised I lasted as long as I did. That little one went back to the grandparent who had been caring for her prior to her start with me. don't get me started on dcks who come to me after grandparent care.

[TXhomedaycare]

There is a saying regarding starting daycare, "Before 6 months, or after 2 years" Children who start daycare following those guidelines have a much easier time adjusting than children who fall into the in-between. Being 20 months, I imagine he will figure it out soon. Does he attend five days a week? If so, I imagine he will settle in by the end of the first two weeks. If not, it will likely be longer. I usually give children that act like this a place where they can be sad and cry, like a chair or even their mat set up in the daycare space... When they want to play they can calm down and join us.

Yes he is 5 days a week. I decided to try out the crying area while I read a few books since we have not been able to read (he is loud) and he threw elmo and started hit his head on the wall. After putting pillows around him and trying it again he moved away from the pillows and started hitting his head on the floor while crying louder. I can tell my other kids are starting to get fustrated because they are covering their ears and getting mad when I cant hear them or themselves talk. I hate the idea of letting him go before 2 week until I think about him showing up on Monday after 2 weeks off and we have to start over. I think we will both be crying Monday.