Kids Who Won't Play

[Ariana]

how do you handle kids who can't or won't play? The ones that need constant entertainment or follow you around from room to room and won't leave your side?

I am at my wits end with a child that I have two days a week. I continually tell her to "go play" which she will do for around 5 minutes and then we are back to following me around asking "Ariana what you doing?" over and over. She is 2.5 yrs old. My kids at this age were so independant and could play for at least an hour by themselves.

Mom says she is a great independant player at home which I do not buy for a minute since mom barely spends any time with her! Last week I went to look out my bathroom window to watch my kid get off the bus and I put her in the playroom and closed the door because she follows me in the bathroom and starts picking at everything. When I went back into the room she was huddled in the corner crying her eyes out :confused: meanwhile the room is FULL of fun stuff to do and free art supplies. I just don't get it! Sometimes I will put a show on for the kids when I am cleaning up after lunch and she will not watch it. She simply runs in circles near me. Run run run, fall down. Run run run, fall down....over and over. Literally. I am not making this up. Why is this more fun than tv?!

[Pestle]

Maybe you're her only steady source of affectionate adult interaction

Do you spend a lot of time with her for part of the day, to assure her that you're on her side? I had to do that with my sibling pair so that they'd feel secure enough to start playing independently.

[JackandJill]

I have a child like this, if I tell her to go play or walk with her over to to play area and then leave she bursts into tears.

Over the summer I watched her older sister a few times and I now see why she can not play on her own. Her sister entertained her the whole time. It was crazy, she even carried her (she is almost 3 and sis is 7) from toy to toy. Mom says that exactly how they are at home.

I have no idea how to change the behavior here at daycare, and it makes me nuts!

[Rockgirl]

I had a boy who didn't play. He wasn't insecure--he just would rather have a 'job'. I started giving him tasks to complete instead. Some days, he would wash the easel. Other times, I would give him a basket of things to sort for me. He was so content doing these things. He's 11 now, and loves to build wood projects with his dad. Some kids just don't play like others do.

[Ariana]

Well I am glad I am not the only one who has a child like this. In all of my days in daycare I have yet to see a child like this in a room full of fun toys at this age when playing is just starting to blossom.

I definitely think she thrives on attention from me. I give her tons of attention, absolutely! But there are days when I just need to get things done, or I need to go to another room without her following me getting into things. She even becomes upset when I close the door to use the bathroom. Maybe I need to get her a "job" to do or instruct her to play or do specific things. I will give it a try.

[Controlled Chaos]

I agree with jobs. I also assign kids centers if they are struggling engaging in play. I will just tell them, "Sara you get to play with playdoh now!" I will sit and model for a few minutes and then when I get up I let them know when they are done they can pick a new center. Sometime soon they are upset to be placed somewhere for a minute but then they usually settle into play.

[midaycare]

Yes to jobs and be specific. "Go play blocks. Go play dolls."

[LostMyMarbles]

Redirect, rinse and repeat (as black cat says)

I had to put a gate up to block my kitchen due to a shadow child. I could not cook without fear of him getting burnt. He would stand at he gate and scream and shake it like he was an inmate ( he kinda was ) I would walk over to him, and redirect him to a center and walk away. When he would come back stream and do the inmate impersonation, I would redirect. One day, my last button was pushed....I stood on the end of the kitchen so he could not see me and let him scream it out. It seemed like an eternity but it really wasn't. He gave up and walked away and went to a center and played.

I called it tough love. I wouldn't let my own child act like that.
Hold tough it will be ok

[daycare]

Not only do you need to say it, you have to get them into action as well.

This is what I tell my staff.

take the child by the hand and say go play dolls, I take the child to the dolls, take them out and give them the supplies, kick of their interest and as soon as they start, I walk away. If they try to follow me, I say go play dolls.

Some kids have to be shown what we expect for them to do.

simply saying "go play" does not always work

[DaveA]

I have the same child. He copies to the point of saying whatever someone else says. He doesn't find his own plan. Just goes from child to child doing what they're doing. I have to tell him specifically "Go play XXXXX" or hand him a toy for him to play something on his own. I know the family- Mom and Grandma live in the house. I really doubt he does much of anything independently at home

Like PP's said- rinse and repeat. It will be over and over and over..........

[LittleScholars]

how do you handle kids who can't or won't play? The ones that need constant entertainment or follow you around from room to room and won't leave your side?

I am at my wits end with a child that I have two days a week. I continually tell her to "go play" which she will do for around 5 minutes and then we are back to following me around asking "Ariana what you doing?" over and over. She is 2.5 yrs old. My kids at this age were so independant and could play for at least an hour by themselves.

Mom says she is a great independant player at home which I do not buy for a minute since mom barely spends any time with her! Last week I went to look out my bathroom window to watch my kid get off the bus and I put her in the playroom and closed the door because she follows me in the bathroom and starts picking at everything. When I went back into the room she was huddled in the corner crying her eyes out :confused: meanwhile the room is FULL of fun stuff to do and free art supplies. I just don't get it! Sometimes I will put a show on for the kids when I am cleaning up after lunch and she will not watch it. She simply runs in circles near me. Run run run, fall down. Run run run, fall down....over and over. Literally. I am not making this up. Why is this more fun than tv?!

I agree with what has been said, and I'll add that modeling play was so helpful for my kiddos. Out of my 9 kids only 3 really played independently (or at all) when they started. So, I intentionally don't take part in the free play on a day-to-day basis, but I model fun things they can do with the toys. I also praise kids a ton when they are using toys in fun ways or making up fun games, particularly when it is something I haven't modeled/they came up with. I narrate what they are doing so that the little ones, especially those that really want my attention, can (a) see a fun way to play and (b) see a fun way to get my attention.

[Ariana]

She gets a ton of modeling from me and my older daughter who is a big independant player at 3.5. I also lead her to activities and play a bit and walk away. I am thinking that at this point there is not much I can do because she is only here 2 days a week.

I think that part time kids are harder to work with because most of my clients are moms on maternity leave or SAHP who need a break so the kids get so much undivided attention on the days not with me. This particular kid also spends a ton of time with doting grandparents. Then when they come to me they do not know how to play no matter what I do.

I will just keep trying!

[renodeb]

That's funny I have had that with older kids (4-5 year olds). They seem to be the hardest to keep entertained ( to me anyways) I had one who wanted everything out at the same time.
I would say use the play with them a bit and walk away technique.
Deb