Potty training conversation

[lovemykidstoo]

I have a dcb that will be 2 1/2 next week. He continues to throw a holy terror fit every single morning (5 days a week, 10 hours a day he's with me) when mom drops him off. Kicks, screams, crys, throws himself on the ground. mom for the most part drops and runs. He used to spit and hit her when she dropped off but seldom does that anymore, so I guess that's improvement? Well, now she's potty training him. For the past couple weeks she said at home he will tell her when he has to go and has had good success over this past weekend in underwear. I tell her I require at least 2 weeks of accident free before underwear happens here. He's maybe and I mean maybe 30 success rate here. Maybe. She seemed put off with that and said that her concern is that if he's wearing diapers or pullups here he will get "confused" as to what to do. I explain to her that I cannot have urine or feces around the house even a speck. Not going to happen. Well, what about underwear with a plastic pant? What do you guys do? He does not tell me, not even once that he "had to go" here.

[laundrymom]

my policy Is to put him in underwear but the first time he has an accident and he goes back in diapers for two weeks
Then I just rinse and repeat
One accident means they're not trained and I need to go back in diapers for two weeks when their accident free and completely dry diaper for two weeks then they can try underwear for the day and if they stay dry they can have underwear another day but each accident gets two weeks back in a diaper that they have to stay dry and for two weeks

I have a dcb that will be 2 1/2 next week. He continues to throw a holy terror fit every single morning (5 days a week, 10 hours a day he's with me) when mom drops him off. Kicks, screams, crys, throws himself on the ground. mom for the most part drops and runs. He used to spit and hit her when she dropped off but seldom does that anymore, so I guess that's improvement? Well, now she's potty training him. For the past couple weeks she said at home he will tell her when he has to go and has had good success over this past weekend in underwear. I tell her I require at least 2 weeks of accident free before underwear happens here. He's maybe and I mean maybe 30 success rate here. Maybe. She seemed put off with that and said that her concern is that if he's wearing diapers or pullups here he will get "confused" as to what to do. I explain to her that I cannot have urine or feces around the house even a speck. Not going to happen. Well, what about underwear with a plastic pant? What do you guys do? He does not tell me, not even once that he "had to go" here.

[lovemykidstoo]

I should add that my last "trained" dcg was last summer. Oh she was trained mom said and she peed in my hallway, slipped in it and fell.

[Blackcat31]

I gotta wonder why parents think the child is smart/mature/capable enough to use the toilet but then still seem to think they will be confused when wearing underwear at home and diapers/pull ups at daycare...:confused:

I tell all my parents that part of the toilet training process is knowing the difference between home and daycare.

If mom thinks he will be confused, then I just really stress how that's another sign they aren't really ready then.

It's eliminates the ability to use that line of thinking.

[lovemykidstoo]

I gotta wonder why parents think the child is smart/mature/capable enough to use the toilet but then still seem to think they will be confused when wearing underwear at home and diapers/pull ups at daycare...:confused:

I tell all my parents that part of the toilet training process is knowing the difference between home and daycare.

If mom thinks he will be confused, then I just really stress how that's another sign they aren't really ready then.

It's eliminates the ability to use that line of thinking.

I couldn't agree more. I still am floored that she thought he was going to walk around here in underwear when he hasn't had a single day here without peeing in his diaper. Nor to mention she hasn't been able to contain his horrible behavior at drop offs

[MarinaVanessa]

I used those plastic underwear things that go over their regular underwear and hated them. I used them on my own son. The poo seems to stay inside just fine but the pee still comes out ... I mean, it has to go SOMEWHERE! The undies aren't thick enough to absorb it all.

My point ... you can use that as an excuse as to why she can't send him in plastic underwear, the pee can still come out and you'd still have to disinfect.

If she still pushes you can always agree to negotiate and allow her to send him in undies or plastic undies over his regular undies on the condition that she sign a toilet training contract which says that she agrees to pay for professional steam cleaning/disinfecting for every accident he has where either feces or urine gets on your floors/carpet. I bet she changes her tune.

[Mike]

I used those plastic underwear things that go over their regular underwear and hated them. I used them on my own son. The poo seems to stay inside just fine but the pee still comes out ... I mean, it has to go SOMEWHERE! The undies aren't thick enough to absorb it all.

My point ... you can use that as an excuse as to why she can't send him in plastic underwear, the pee can still come out and you'd still have to disinfect.

If she still pushes you can always agree to negotiate and allow her to send him in undies or plastic undies over his regular undies on the condition that she sign a toilet training contract which says that she agrees to pay for professional steam cleaning/disinfecting for every accident he has where either feces or urine gets on your floors/carpet. I bet she changes her tune.

Some parents don't care about the extra work they might impose on you. They think your job is to raise their kid according to their every wish. They don't realise there's a difference between daycare and nanny.

[Baby Beluga]

What if DCB wore underwear next to his skin with a pull up over?

I don't think this will solve his potty training dilemma but it might get mom to be quiet, prove your point that he is not ready to potty train at DC while still keeping things sanitary.

[LostMyMarbles]

I go all in while potty training. I have the parent put undies on WITH rubber pants on over. (You know, those plastic type undies that you put over cloth diapers.) That way when a child starts to go, they feel the wetness and I don't pee all over my chairs, floors, toys, etc. Works like a charm.

[Pestle]

He is too inexperienced to communicate to you that he needs to void. How often do you take your toddlers to the bathroom? He may need to be sat on the potty as often as once per hour so he can get adjusted to the experience of voiding into the toilet. I'm pro-undies ASAP--the thick kind that absorbs small leaks and will make the kids feel uncomfortable when they wet themselves. But then, my floor is hardwood.

Unrelated-ish? I just had another conversation with a parent about her 3yo's wetting habit. Seems she can't use the potty here without dribbling afterward. It's annoying, yes, and my temptation is to put her in a pull-up while she's here, but I know that would just be for my own convenience and would be bad for the kid's toilet learning. Mom says it doesn't happen at home and she's probably just waiting too long. And I know she's chewing the kid out about it at home. But I put the kid on the potty regularly, even when she says she doesn't need to go (she always actually needed to go ) and it's always afterward, when she's pulling her panties up. I'm unconvinced that it's a conscious, willful issue.

So I Googled it and learned that little girls who clamp their knees together while urinating can shoot the pee up the wrong hole and then it falls back out again when they stand up. Sure enough, this kid's knees are together when on the potty (she came supposedly pre-trained; I claim no responsibility for this!), so now we're working on LEGS APART. Her 18MO brother is doing so well with his toilet learning here that I just assumed the parents were potty training at home--turns out they aren't; he just has slipped into the routine while he's here. So I'm going to ask them to back me up while he's home.

[Ariana]

I had this happen recently. I told the parents that dcg is not showing any signs of readiness here and until she is having more success at home I will not be doing potty training. I then go on to explain that potty training has nothing to do with age but the brain body connection where a child has the ability to hold their urine and feces until they get to a toilet. If that is not happening the child is not ready.

It was tough because the parents are teachers and had everyone with zero experience in their ear telling them to start at 18 months. I held my ground.

[lovemykidstoo]

Yesterday I took him once per hour that he was awake. He did not go at all. I mean not at all, not even in his diaper. Mom told me that when she picked him up yesterday the first thing he did was tell her that he had to go.

[Controlled Chaos]

Yesterday I took him once per hour that he was awake. He did not go at all. I mean not at all, not even in his diaper. Mom told me that when she picked him up yesterday the first thing he did was tell her that he had to go.

huh...is he afraid of your toilet? If he can hold it that long I'm impressed and worried a bit about dehydration. Doe he use a little potty at home? Interesting. I have a child here who won't go if I'm in the room with him...does he need privacy? That's a stubborn little bladder Right before my DD trained (28m old) she started holding it for up to 6 hours and would scream bloody murder whether she went in the potty or her diaper. She did that for a month and then got over whatever the screaming thing was and was trained super fast. That tid bit isn't really helpful, just a fun fact ::

[Blackcat31]

Yesterday I took him once per hour that he was awake. He did not go at all. I mean not at all, not even in his diaper. Mom told me that when she picked him up yesterday the first thing he did was tell her that he had to go.

Ask her to show you.

Tell her to video it.
Don't tell DCB she is video taping it.
Just video it and show you.

If she can't. You have your answer.

If she does, and the child does what she says, then address that issue.

Bottom line is you can't address the issue if neither you nor mom really know what issue you are trying to fix....kwim?

I had a similar situation a few years back. Turns out mom's idea of telling her/indicating the need to go was completely different than mine.

[Ariana]

Some kids also tell their parents because they get praised for it. He might not have used the toilet just said he had to go to get praise. The dcg I mentioned above was doing this with her parents but not with me. It was never consistant with her pottying at home but she was always asking to go. Never ever did with me.