4mo old cries half the day!

[Unregistered]

I need help! I run a small in home day care(I have a 4mo old and 16 mo old and do after school care). I have been watching the 16 month old since he was 8 wks and no issues. I am friends with the parents of all of my littles which makes it more difficult when a problem arises. I have a 4 month old little guy and he screams on and off all day. He screamed for about 5 hours off and on yesterday(usually 5 hours cryingout of the 10 hrs I care for him daily) and I was holding him the rest of the time. He screamed for over an hour straight today. I check diaper, make sure he's not hungry, check to see if he's too hot or cold, check temp, etc I text the parents and they said if he doesn't have a fever he might be teething but it's been going on since he started with me. I'm very patient but I'm getting overwhelmed. How do I deal with it and make the parents understand that his crying is over helming and affects everyone in the house. I also can't be holding him constantly either. . I kind of get the "he's a baby he's going to cry deal with it attitude" or the being annoyed when I text them. Am I being unreasonable? Is 5 out 10 hours of crying normal? Thanks for any advice or help!

[Blackcat31]

I need help! I run a small in home day care(I have a 4mo old and 16 mo old and do after school care). I have been watching the 16 month old since he was 8 wks and no issues. I am friends with the parents of all of my littles which makes it more difficult when a problem arises. I have a 4 month old little guy and he screams on and off all day. He screamed for about 5 hours off and on yesterday(usually 5 hours cryingout of the 10 hrs I care for him daily) and I was holding him the rest of the time. He screamed for over an hour straight today. I check diaper, make sure he's not hungry, check to see if he's too hot or cold, check temp, etc I text the parents and they said if he doesn't have a fever he might be teething but it's been going on since he started with me. I'm very patient but I'm getting overwhelmed. How do I deal with it and make the parents understand that his crying is over helming and affects everyone in the house. I also can't be holding him constantly either. . I kind of get the "he's a baby he's going to cry deal with it attitude" or the being annoyed when I text them. Am I being unreasonable? Is 5 out 10 hours of crying normal? Thanks for any advice or help!

This seems to be a common issue these last few years.

I am betting the baby is held 24/7 at home and expects the same at daycare.

I would not be able to manage. I've been there and done that and will never do it again. The stress and anxiety it causes (you the provider) not to mention the other kids is just too much.

I'd have to let the baby go.

I do want to mention though that the part in your post that stuck out the most to me is the parent's attitude toward you about this....

These are "friends" of yours? I think they are very rude and to seriously have the "you deal with it" attitude would send me over the edge.

Its not YOUR baby so you shouldn't have to deal with it.

Teething is such a common excuse for anything that I actually added it to my illness policy as a reason to exclude.

Personally, I'd tell the parents that you are throwing in the towel. Atleast I would. There isnt enough money in Bill Gate's bank account that could sway me to deal with a screaming baby for 5+ hours a day.


Oh, an no it's not normal.

[Controlled Chaos]

I couldn't do it :hug:

10 hours a day is a long day away from mom and dad for such a little one too.

Honestly just reading your post made me anxious on your behalf.

I might recommend if baby is not adjusting well, that baby needs a nanny.

[JackandJill]

No, this is definitely not normal. My guess is that this child is held allllll day long at home. And the parents attitude that you should be able to deal with it is not okay either.

I have a similar policy as Black Cat that states a child who is unable to participate in the daily activity must be sent home. This includes excessive crying (I call for pick up at 2 hours for crying, parents need to pick up within 30 minutes).

Even when you try and work with parents on fixing the behavior, I feel parents are never completely honest with you about what they are doing at home. They will continue to do at home what they want to do, regardless of how it is affecting the child's day at daycare.

I have been in this situation before, and I can feel you stress and pain. It isn't fair to you, the other children or this baby. The only people having a good day are mom and dad, who seem to not even be concerned about their child's well being! I would be done.

[delferka]

He's being held by the parents 24/7 out of guilt!

[Unregistered]

Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm relieved I'm not being unreasonable about it and I agree that the parents attitude is not great. The fact we are friends leads me to believe they are taking advantage of me, my husband constantly gets upset about me always going with the flow to my detriment. I am a people pleaser and I need to make a change and write up a contract for next year.

I am kind of irked that they don't seem to realize(or care) that their little dude is miserable half the day. I would be so upset that my kiddo was crying half the day. The baby is sent with expressed milk and formula. I have wondered if he is having a hard time digesting the mix of formula and expressed breast milk. He's only pooping every 3 days and is extremely gassy. I have hinted about it but they said their doctor said it's fine to only poop every 3 days and when he does it's runny which would be not good in my opinion but I'm not a doc.

The Momma came to pick him up and seemed irritated with me that he was crying all morning. I feel bad and I really try to calm him and take care of my other little but it's just not possible to constantly hold him.

[JackandJill]

You don't have to wait until next year to write a contract. When I wrote my first one it was in the middle of the summer a few years ago, and I gave parents a week to sign or give their notice ( I was really at the end of my rope by the time I wrote everything up!).

It seriously is a life saver, you won't regret it!

[Unregistered]

You don't have to wait until next year to write a contract. When I wrote my first one it was in the middle of the summer a few years ago, and I gave parents a week to sign or give their notice ( I was really at the end of my rope by the time I wrote everything up!).

It seriously is a life saver, you won't regret it!

Good to know! This is only my second year and when I added the baby and after school care it got crazy! I'm definitely going to start writing one up! 😃

[NeedaVaca]

You also don't really need to update your policies to term this family, you have been trying for a long time and I doubt it will get better any time soon. Personally I would have to give them a term letter for my own sanity. You can do a simple term letter and he's not a good fit for your daycare if they need a reason.

[Blackcat31]

You don't have to wait until next year to write a contract. When I wrote my first one it was in the middle of the summer a few years ago, and I gave parents a week to sign or give their notice ( I was really at the end of my rope by the time I wrote everything up!).

It seriously is a life saver, you won't regret it!

Great advice!


Also OP, I would explain to the parents that child care costs are less for those that use group care. BUT because it's group care that means the provider needs to split her time between ALL kids in care and if one child is taking up more time than others then it is not fair nor is it acceptable.

If they want their child to have one on one attention you could suggest they pay a higher rate so you can hire assistants to help or they can hire a nanny on their own.

[Unregistered]

Great advice!


Also OP, I would explain to the parents that child care costs are less for those that use group care. BUT because it's group care that means the provider needs to split her time between ALL kids in care and if one child is taking up more time than others then it is not fair nor is it acceptable.

If they want their child to have one on one attention you could suggest they pay a higher rate so you can hire assistants to help or they can hire a nanny on their own.

Good point, so true.

I just got a text that they understand why I'm contacting them but it makes her worry and then that's all she thinks about all day at work wondering if she should leave work to come get him. 😳 I definitely need a contract, so it's in black and white how long the baby cries before I call and ask them to get him.

[Unregistered]

You also don't really need to update your policies to term this family, you have been trying for a long time and I doubt it will get better any time soon. Personally I would have to give them a term letter for my own sanity. You can do a simple term letter and he's not a good fit for your daycare if they need a reason.

Also, a good point! Ive dealt with more than I normally would because we are friends but I have to draw a line somewhere.

[Nurse Jackie]

I just recently went through this with a 4 month old and had a serious talk with mom about not being able to hold dcb all day and safe sleeping practice we have to follow in daycare. Mom told me she was gonna sleep him the way he sleeps here and not hold him so much at home and things changed drastically. Dcb went from only napping for 15 to 20 mins 2 times a day to me being able to nap him on the same schedule I have with my other dck on. Now that he's getting his naps in he's happy when he's awake. I would say if your interested in keeping him/her have a serious talk with mom and if she changes things at home dcb should be able to adjust to daycare if not term.

[MunchkinWrangler]

Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm relieved I'm not being unreasonable about it and I agree that the parents attitude is not great. The fact we are friends leads me to believe they are taking advantage of me, my husband constantly gets upset about me always going with the flow to my detriment. I am a people pleaser and I need to make a change and write up a contract for next year.

I am kind of irked that they don't seem to realize(or care) that their little dude is miserable half the day. I would be so upset that my kiddo was crying half the day. The baby is sent with expressed milk and formula. I have wondered if he is having a hard time digesting the mix of formula and expressed breast milk. He's only pooping every 3 days and is extremely gassy. I have hinted about it but they said their doctor said it's fine to only poop every 3 days and when he does it's runny which would be not good in my opinion but I'm not a doc.

The Momma came to pick him up and seemed irritated with me that he was crying all morning. I feel bad and I really try to calm him and take care of my other little but it's just not possible to constantly hold him.

This! It is not your fault in any way that you cannot settle an excessively crying baby. The fact that she was irritated with you speaks volumes to me that she is believing that is your fault.

In no way should you feel like the care you are giving the child is not adequate. This is not normal behavior and definitely tells me that the parents did not and are not properly preparing their infant for daycare.

All the PP's are right and have a ton of experience with this issue. Although I have not been in the profession for as long, it took me taking other infants as well as my own experience with family and my own child to know that this is not normal behavior for an infant.

The fact that the only way the child is soothed is by holding or coddling will not work in a group environment, no matter how small. I don't think it has to do with the feeding, just the fact that you are unable to replicate what is happening at home. This is classic behavior of a child who is held all day long.

[Unregistered]

I just recently went through this with a 4 month old and had a serious talk with mom about not being able to hold dcb all day and safe sleeping practice we have to follow in daycare. Mom told me she was gonna sleep him the way he sleeps here and not hold him so much at home and things changed drastically. Dcb went from only napping for 15 to 20 mins 2 times a day to me being able to nap him on the same schedule I have with my other dck on. Now that he's getting his naps in he's happy when he's awake. I would say if your interested in keeping him/her have a serious talk with mom and if she changes things at home dcb should be able to adjust to daycare if not term.

Good advice! I am going to see how this week goes and talk to them but I don't think things will change on their end. I have tried to talk with them and the more I do the more they expect. She has a different person picking him up everyday and they are always on the go. He does well outside in a stroller but I can't have a stroller in the house with a 1year old and I also shouldn't have to be outside or walking him in the stroller all day. I have an infant carrier that they gave me which helps the crying but doesn't solve the problem pof me holding him all day and makes the problem worse. According to parents all the crying is attributed to teething and just being fussy.