I Can't Hear You

[TXhomedaycare]

I have a 3.5 yo dcg that literally whispers or makes mouse noises when she talks. She has been here for a month and 85% of the time I have no clue what she is saying or I cannot hear her. When I do hear her I usually say I can't hear you even if I understand to make her speak louder. She plays well with the other kids but she rarely talks and if someone takes her toy she just cries really loud (she sounds just like an infant or newborn crying - the first time I heard her cry I couldn't believe it was her). When she has to talk to me she uses no eye contact and usually is half walking away or moving around as if she is not talking to me and speaks so fast I cannot understand her and like she is talking at me not to me. During lunch she will sit waiting for seconds and not ask for any and just hope I ask or bring more. she will usualky point if she can. Once she needed help with her clothes in the restroom so she sat in there until I came to chdck on her abd then tried to hold it the remainder of gge day until I asked if she needed to go and told her I can help her (obviously told mom to never send her in romper with zipper in the back again). Before she was here she was home with a family member and I assume she has not been doing much but watching tv. I know she can speak up because she does every once in a while but I don't know if I should "ignore her" (make her say things louder) and force her to talk or allow her to whisper (mom and grandma allow her to use her Minnie mouse voice. grandma said its cute ) what is the best way to handle this and how do I get mom on board?

[daycare]

I could have written this myself.

I would just tell mom we are really working hard on communicating with DCG and are finding that she really needs some encouragement using her words.


Working together, I feel we can help her with this. At home, can you help remind her to use her words...

I do a family project with new families. I do one of those all about me posters so that we get to really learn about the child and their families. Most kids are too shy in the beginning to talk with us. This really helps us better connect with the kids, have things to talk about that they may NOT be able to tell us. I have found it to be one of the best tools for new kids.

Their little eyes light up when you know the names of their pets or cousins or their favorite movie/toys. It may take a few days/week for them to join in on the conversation, but I have always found a way to make it work and get them to talk to me.

[Leigh]

I have a boy here who whispers for control. He gets a smirk on his face when he does it (same one he gets when he tries to destroy something when his grandmother picks him up-it's the one that tells me that HE is in charge! LOL). I give him a second chance to tell me what he needs to, and then I ignore (I can't hear you. I'm going to listen one more time, and if I can't hear you, then you don't want me to). Sometimes he speaks up, others, he walks away from me. I ignore after that second chance. He usually speaks in a normal voice, though-the whispering is purely manipulative when he's in a bad mood.

[Unregistered]

That sounds like selective mutism. It's severe social anxiety. Look it up on google. You don't want to make it worse. Kids with social anxiety act perfectly normal at home and other places with her parents and others they feel comfortable with. She's whispering and avoiding eye contact out of nervousness. Give her time and make her feel comfortable. She's doing the best she can.

[Unregistered]

I agree, give her more time to get comfortable and feel safe. Also, you can play games, i.e. Dinosaurs, bears, etc., where she won't even notice she's taking part.

[hhdc]

I had a little girl with select mutism-it sounds a lot like what you described. She was at my home from the time she was 9 months until she was 3.5 years old. She would talk to me but would never talk to or really look at my husband. The only time she would is if one of the other ddc would be talking. She would parrot what he was saying. When she started preschool she would play ok with the other kids but not talk to the teachers.
They worked on her saying just a bit to the teachers and the parents said that once she had a little conversation with the teacher then she would be a little more comfortable with having her voice "out there" and would talk more. It is a real thing and as frustrating as it can be to the adult it has to be so hard on the little ones to be so anxious.