Attending the Halloween Parade and Other Mom Guilt

[Pepperth]

I'm trying to figure out how to attend the Halloween parade at my son's school. How do you all do it if you don't have an assistant? Last year, I took one dcb with me (with permission) and I opened late for the rest of the children. My son's school has their parade right after they open. How do other providers attend events like these? I'm finding that the only days I close daycare are for school events. For example, I'm closed the day of his Christmas concert, but I missed his spring concert. I was able to attend a Mother's Day event by the skin of my teeth because the school only gave me 2 weeks notice.

I think I'm starting to feel guilty because my son was hoping that I'd help out with the centers at his school and a few other volunteer things. I love that I can be home for Christmas vacation, summer vacation and to get him off the school bus, but I really wish I could just attend more at school and be a stay at home mom. I do have to remember that I wouldn't be able to help out in these situations even with a 9-5 job out of the house. When i was a kid, my school held the Christmas concert and other events in the evening. I wish that was still the thing to do. Any tips to either ease the guilt or attend more events?

[childcaremom]

Could you approach the school and ask for a list of upcoming dates or ask them to provide them to you as they are set? It may not be possible for them to give you a lot of notice but you could at least try. If you can't make it, could you have a friend or family member attend and make a video? Your son would have 'support' in the audience and you could watch his performance together later.

For me, it's a trade off. I miss out on some school stuff but I am home and see them off in the morning and am there to greet them at the end of the day. That means more to me in the long run.

:hug:

[Pepperth]

Most things, my mother-in-law or husband are able to attend. This time of year is difficult with their jobs though. Once November hits, it's easier. They are in a family business and all work together. The next month and a half they put more hours a day than I do even, and Halloween is actually their busiest day of the year. Sometimes it just bothers me that I've never done something so simple as take my own children to the dentist.

[KSDC]

I live right across the street from the school. I just take all my kids and we watch the parade. They love it.

Last year, the school even allowed us to participate.

I'm no help on concerts and such. Our school still does those at night. :hug:

[midaycare]

If I worked at a 9-5, as you stated, I wouldn't be able to attend most events.

I am able to have a grandmother go to some events, and I've become good friends with a few other moms that give my son extra attention on those days (they can always attend these things).

I have found that most parents can not and do not attend these things, and it's the same parents year after year. Maybe 8 or 10 out of 50-60.

I would suggest getting an assistant that can work for a few hours for you, so you don't have to close down for the day. Pay them really well so it's worth it to them. You might lose a little money, but you still come out ahead because you don't close for the day and parents aren't upset about a closure.

[Snowmom]

I trade off with my husband. He goes to some events and he other times, he comes home to watch the daycare kids so I can go.
My mom also occasionally fills in so I can volunteer at school parties. Our school has most events after hours though.

Out here, we have a county provider's association. You could contact the association to see if there are any provider's in your area that do fill in/substitute work. We have a couple people out here that offer that.

[Country Kids]

If you have a calendar of the days of events, maybe use those as your personal days and close. I know when my kiddo's where in elementary if would maybe be a week of days or a few more throughout the entire year. If you can give it to your parents know they can start making arrangements.

[Controlled Chaos]

Sometimes my dh has been able to attend due to him working graveyards and being in school.

I have explained to my DD that I get to be home with her when she is sick, on holiday and all summer. Because I work she gets to go to camp in the summer, and we have the money to go to the movies and the zoo. If I didn't work we couldn't do those things. I would love a great sub to take over occasionally, but I'm not too focused on finding one just now.

[midaycare]

Sometimes my dh has been able to attend due to him working graveyards and being in school.

I have explained to my DD that I get to be home with her when she is sick, on holiday and all summer. Because I work she gets to go to camp in the summer, and we have the money to go to the movies and the zoo. If I didn't work we couldn't do those things. I would love a great sub to take over occasionally, but I'm not too focused on finding one just now.

All things I talk about with my son. Those horseback riding lessons? The daycare paid for that. Taekwondo? Daycare. Tennis lessons? Daycare. Drums? Daycare. Our vacations? Daycare.

I also make it clear if I worked another job he would be at daycare after school and in summer.

[Unregistered]

I close half day or take kids with me. I refuse to miss my children's events because I have other people's children. I tell everyone in the interview - my kids come first. I have never had an issue with any parent complaining. Sometimes it's a drag to drag (&#128512 5 extra kids into a basement all game, but we do it. I bring snacks and they cheer away. Do what you need to for yourself and your children and you will be a happier business owner.

[LittleScholars]

Could you a sub vs. an assistant? I find it tricky because it is hard to find people willing to cover as-needed and its a pain to get them cleared, but it is worth it. I'm pregnant and I'd have to close often if not for them. I pay them very well and advertise that. For me, a sub doesn't require the annual training (other than current CPR/First Aid), so that's also great. An assistant wouldn't for me because I'm a small program and don't close enough to need someone regularly.

[daycarediva]

I trade off with my husband. He goes to some events and he other times, he comes home to watch the daycare kids so I can go.
My mom also occasionally fills in so I can volunteer at school parties. Our school has most events after hours though.

Out here, we have a county provider's association. You could contact the association to see if there are any provider's in your area that do fill in/substitute work. We have a couple people out here that offer that.

I have a retired grandparent who lives close enough to attend, I go (if given enough notice) and dh will go (flexible work schedule) so our kids always have someone there for them.

I figure even if I work a traditional job, I would missing some of these activities.

Our school district is definitely set up in favor of the SAHM. EVERYTHING is during the day.

[laundrymom]

It's hard to find balance.
What helped me was not thinking of myself as a stay at home or work at home mom. That's not what we are. I'm a small business owner. A one woman show. I rarely was able to attend school day events. It would send treats, offer to come in and set up the night before, etc.

[Controlled Chaos]

It's hard to find balance.
What helped me was not thinking of myself as a stay at home or work at home mom. That's not what we are. I'm a small business owner. A one woman show. I rarely was able to attend school day events. It would send treats, offer to come in and set up the night before, etc.

We do this too - send in extra supplies when possible (kleenx, PT, whatever requested) so dd feels like we are supporting her in the classroom. We all do our best, but yes, we aren't SAHMs so its crazy to try and live up to that.

[laundrymom]

It's hard to find balance.
What helped me was not thinking of myself as a stay at home or work at home mom. That's not what we are. I'm a small business owner. A one woman show. I rarely was able to attend school day events. It would send treats, offer to come in and set up the night before, etc.

And can I reassure you...
It turns out okay.
They grow up remembering all the times you WERE there. Each time they fevered. Momma arms.
Each time they came off the bus and cried for whatever reason. Momma arms.
Each day they searched for a forgotten item after school. Crazed and running through the house.
Momma arms. (Because usually moms the only one who remembers where kids put things!)
At 25,23,18&15- my kids swear they had the best of both worlds.
Try to go to what you can but do not feel bad if you can't.