Separation Anxiety

[tenderhearts]

I have a some what new dcb who is 16 mo. He has severe separation anxiety. He does fine during transitions when his parents leave at drop off, doesn't cry but through out the day he will not leave my side, if I as much as walk from one area of the room to another he freaks out. I can't even leave the room without him screaming at the gate. I am constantly talking to him telling him I will be right back and what I am doing ect. I will not hold him all day so I have him walk with me instead of carry him. I mean I do comfort and console him.
I have been sitting on the floor with him but not having him play with toys on my lap or letting the kids bring him toys in hopes he will get "bored" on my lap and want to get up.
I think this week has been worse because they were on vacation for a week and a half so he had his parents and grandparents constant attention.
What else can I do? I have never had one like this to this extent, I'm hoping once he has now started on a consistant basis it will get better but does anyone have any helpful tips?

[childcaremom]

I have 2 that just started (14 and 17 mos) that are a lot like this.

I tell them I'll be right back and when I come back, I announce loudly and happily that "I'm back". It has only been a week but I've noticed a slight improvement.

I sit on the floor near both of them when I come back and offer hugs, snuggles, etc. Then we get something to play with.

I'm hoping it will be better by the end of week 2.

[tenderhearts]

I have been doing daycare for a lot of years and have never had one with this much separation anxiety. It's not from his parents really its me, literally if I walk across the room, he cries. Or he will play for 5 or 10 min. then randomly start to cry for 5 min or so then play. I can't even do anything without him crying, I reassure him with words, I will hold his hand and tell him it's ok, get him involved in an activity which works for a little bit. I sure hope it gets better. I will not just hold him which is what he wants.
He didn't want to part from his mom this morning and of course she just tried prolonging it and asked if she could put him at the table and I said, honestly it will only make it worse and prolong the anxiety and drop offs and she said ok I know you know what's best so she handed him to me and left and sure enough by the time we went to the window to wave he was fine.
It's been upsetting to a couple of my other kids with his crying and I feel so badly for them. I hope he adjusts quickly.

[Ariana]

In my experience he just needs more time. Right around this age seperation anxiety gets pretty bad so he is actually not doing too bad. Just keep doing what you are doing and he will eventually phase out of this. I had a little girl start at 18 months who was like this and aftef about 4 weeks she was pretty good.

[tenderhearts]

Thank you, that's what I'm hoping is time will help. I just know he is held A LOT at home. I have had lots of others at certain miles stones go through this, just not to this extreme.
I think what is most difficult is that it is upsetting a couple of the other kids, what can I do to help alleviate their stress from it? I just explain that I know it's difficult to see ____ upset, he is just still learning to be in our group so it is hard for him right now, and I explain that maybe playing with him will help him and so the older 2 will do this and it helps, for a bit. Anything else? I feel like there is so much chaos during the times he's fussing and the other 2 start.

[Rockgirl]

In my experience he just needs more time. Right around this age seperation anxiety gets pretty bad so he is actually not doing too bad. Just keep doing what you are doing and he will eventually phase out of this. I had a little girl start at 18 months who was like this and aftef about 4 weeks she was pretty good.

I agree--he should be fine with a little more time. One of my most outgoing, confident girls here was a lot like that when she started here. She cried off and on throughout the day. Now you'd think she owns this place!

[daycare]

try this.....when you leave and come back.

take their hand in yours and say anything that is factual.

I do this,

what's wrong, you are crying, let me see...

I say:
Oh I see you have 5 toes on your left foot, one, two three, four five, then repeat with the right foot, then move on to the hands, counting all of the fingers too.

I then say you have one nose, two eyes......normally by the time I get to the nose, they have stopped. I then say, see you are ok, lets go play.

[tenderhearts]

Thank you, I'll try that.

[Ariana]

Thank you, that's what I'm hoping is time will help. I just know he is held A LOT at home. I have had lots of others at certain miles stones go through this, just not to this extreme.
I think what is most difficult is that it is upsetting a couple of the other kids, what can I do to help alleviate their stress from it? I just explain that I know it's difficult to see ____ upset, he is just still learning to be in our group so it is hard for him right now, and I explain that maybe playing with him will help him and so the older 2 will do this and it helps, for a bit. Anything else? I feel like there is so much chaos during the times he's fussing and the other 2 start.

It is HARD on them but that is the price of group daycare at the end of the day. You could try getting the baby to hold your hand instead of holding him in your arms. I had to do this once and then eventually phase it out. You can say "I can't pick you up but I can hold your hand if you want"? He should get tired of this but you are at least offering him something. I would hold his hand and allow him to follow you by your side for a bit to see if it helps. Just don't ever pick him up!

[tenderhearts]

Yes that's exactly what I have been doing. I will kneel down and occassionally reassure him with a quick hug. Today he seems to be very very slightly better.

[tenderhearts]

By the end of yesterday, it really wasn't much better. He will play for 5 or 10 min then just start crying, he will cry for a minute or two or longer then play for 10 or 15 and same thing, all day.
If I have to leave the room, lunch, door ect, he really cries and it is much harder to calm him. I hope it gets better in the next couple of weeks. How long would you give a child that age to adjust? I've been talking to the parents about it so they are aware it just makes me sad that he is upset all day. Yesterday afternoon he actually was laughing and dancing and I thought oh good maybe he is warming up now but it was short

[Sweet pea]

I'm new on here, but I've had the same thing for the past nine months. I have terminated this week.
He was so unsettled, I've never had such an unsettled baby in my whole life, I had good weeks and bad weeks with him,
Mum held him constantly, I swear he was so babied at home and never put down and boy did it show.
I had him from 10 months old until now he's 19 months old. I sat down and thought wow in that whole time the only milestone that child had passed through was walking. He is still like a baby, doesn't feed himself, doesn't play, doesn't babble, just wants to be carried and played peek a boo with.
It's not fair on the other kids in care when there's a screamer.
He was only with me three hours a day too, I think that's how I managed so long. I think he has underlying problems but mum didn't want to listen.

I've learnt my lesson, I'm never taking under 18months again

[Ariana]

The thing about these babies however is that they may not be securely attached. Securely attached babies eventually relax and they form bonds and trust others. Eventhough a baby is carried all the time does not mean they have attachments with their moms.

I am not sure how long to give it. A good month would be my suggestion but you should be seeing steady progress. Also the mom might be stressed which in turn might be stressing the baby so try and give her some good news to aleviate her fears about it. This is pretty common so telling mom about it every day is not helping the situation. If after a few weeks there is no improvement then let her know for sure.