Not Allowing Kids On My Lap

[Josiegirl]

Wow, maybe it's the wishful thinking of having my own grandchildren but I DO let them on my lap. Yes, there are squabbles but there are squabbles over what color cup they get, who gets to play with a certain toy first...our days are filled with squabbles. I feel like a 2nd mom to some of them and believe they need extra cuddles at times. Sometimes I have 2 kids on my lap. Inappropriate?? I don't get that perception I guess. I provide a home away from home to these kids and in this day and age, I feel they need as much security as I can muster.
The other day my 9 yo dcg was sooo down in the dumps it was heart breaking. A back pat or smile wouldn't have down the trick. She walked by me several times, tears in her eyes, I pulled her over and she plunked right down in my lap and I held her. I'd like to think it made the difference in the rest of her day. Even 9 yos need comforting sometimes and if mom isn't available, then she can have 2nd best.

Sure there are times when they sit beside me and I put my arm around them or I kneel to give them hugs, etc., but sometimes they just need to feel that enclosure of someone truly caring and not rushing on with their day. IMO kids need to feel all important, at least for a few minutes in their busy chaotic days filled with noise, competition, etc. Kids' actions and misbehavior cry for attention and I guess this is one of the ways I take them aside and let them know I care. Please don't throw rotten tomatoes at me.

BUT to the OP, because of your arthritis, I would definitely explain why it's hurting you and why you cannot allow it.

[childcaremom]

I'd write it into their social development plan under family values. "Don't hurt Mrs. Cat Herder, her knees are not strong, let's help her clean up toys, too, to protect her from further injury."

Later when little Jimmy comes in with his arm in a cast, they will know what to do. When Grandpa is having trouble picking up his dropped glasses, they will have already practiced recognizing and meeting a need of another person without being asked.

Ironically, the older I get the more prone to hugging, kissing and carrying I seem to be. I have to keep an eye on it. They will think I am going soft if I keep getting the feels. (Yes, clearly I am an old grouch who never sneaks kids marshmallows or kisses. )

If it is hurting you or causing you injuries, I see no reason to feel badly. Dcks can receive your attention and closeness in many other forms.

[Blackcat31]

Wow, maybe it's the wishful thinking of having my own grandchildren but I DO let them on my lap. Yes, there are squabbles but there are squabbles over what color cup they get, who gets to play with a certain toy first...our days are filled with squabbles. I feel like a 2nd mom to some of them and believe they need extra cuddles at times. Sometimes I have 2 kids on my lap. Inappropriate?? I don't get that perception I guess. I provide a home away from home to these kids and in this day and age, I feel they need as much security as I can muster.
The other day my 9 yo dcg was sooo down in the dumps it was heart breaking. A back pat or smile wouldn't have down the trick. She walked by me several times, tears in her eyes, I pulled her over and she plunked right down in my lap and I held her. I'd like to think it made the difference in the rest of her day. Even 9 yos need comforting sometimes and if mom isn't available, then she can have 2nd best.

Sure there are times when they sit beside me and I put my arm around them or I kneel to give them hugs, etc., but sometimes they just need to feel that enclosure of someone truly caring and not rushing on with their day. IMO kids need to feel all important, at least for a few minutes in their busy chaotic days filled with noise, competition, etc. Kids' actions and misbehavior cry for attention and I guess this is one of the ways I take them aside and let them know I care. Please don't throw rotten tomatoes at me.

BUT to the OP, because of your arthritis, I would definitely explain why it's hurting you and why you cannot allow it.

I got the impression that it was more about kids chillin' in her lap than comforting a child.

I think there is a big difference.
I 100% agree with your post though in regards to providing comfort for the kids.

I comfort kids the same way. You know them. You know who needs a hug, a quick pat on the back or a high five... It's definitely part of building a secure attachment.

But I don't carry a kid of any age around or spend most my day on the floor or with a kid in my lap. I simply need the ability to move freely and be in 10 places at one time.

Im NOT a touchy feeling person by nature and have to make a conscious effort to make sure human touch is included in my day. Depending on the age of the child, that interaction is vital for brain growth and development.

Whatever ailments plague us are simply things we must work into our day in order to offer that type of connection for the kids. I had knee sugery twice before I had kids of my own.
I just learned to do things a bit differently.

Don't lift from standing, hold baby in specifc ways, use a chair, a cushion, or support devices etc.

But I definitely think there comes a time as we age where we really have to think about the age group we care for in connection to this profession. If your back, knees, spine or whatever has a tough time meeting the needs of a specific age group then don't enroll kids of that age.

If you can't do something due to physical issues, then shape your program around that.

[Mike]

The other day my 9 yo dcg was sooo down in the dumps it was heart breaking. A back pat or smile wouldn't have down the trick. She walked by me several times, tears in her eyes, I pulled her over and she plunked right down in my lap and I held her. I'd like to think it made the difference in the rest of her day. Even 9 yos need comforting sometimes and if mom isn't available, then she can have 2nd best.

Sure there are times when they sit beside me and I put my arm around them or I kneel to give them hugs, etc., but sometimes they just need to feel that enclosure of someone truly caring and not rushing on with their day. IMO kids need to feel all important, at least for a few minutes in their busy chaotic days filled with noise, competition, etc. Kids' actions and misbehavior cry for attention and I guess this is one of the ways I take them aside and let them know I care. Please don't throw rotten tomatoes at me.

That's me. In my years of babysitting, I've had kids on my lap for comfort when needed, usually a minute or 2 and they would feel better. Just knowing someone cares about whatever is bothering them is often good medicine.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

During play time my lap is only accessible to my own child. The other children are much too heavy. I just pat to a spot next to me and they usually want my arm around them hugging them close.

If a child is upset and needs comforting then I sit in a chair and pick them up to snuggle them. Their parents are well aware of this and see it. They like that their child is comforted in the way that works best for their child. Some of mine hate snuggles of any kind and would rather read a book in a special spot to calm down and avoid any kind of physical contact. Whatever works to help the child know they're okay.

[Controlled Chaos]

So . . . am I the only one here whose day care kids grab her (totally unobtrusive, barely-there) breasts if she lets the kids in her lap?! Attachment parenting.

This made me laugh. My DD is nearly 3 and I haven't nursed her since she was 1, but she is always grabbing my boobs :: The 18m old dcb who hasn't been nursed since he was maybe 9m also pats my boobs from time to time. I redirct but haven't given it much thought other than that. Meh - kids are weird ::

[DaveA]

I don't have a policy per se but tend to sit in our window seat. The kids generally sit by me there. If I'm in the middle of things I'm usually kneeling or laying on the floor, so I don't have a lap at that moment.

[daycarediva]

So . . . am I the only one here whose day care kids grab her (totally unobtrusive, barely-there) breasts if she lets the kids in her lap?! Attachment parenting.

I have ONE and it drives me nuts, he tries to pull my boobs out of my shirt! He's just over 2, and hasn't BF in a year. He does it to his mother, too who laughs and says stop half heartedly.

He also says "boobies boobies boobies!" while attempting. I wear cardigans and tanks quite a bit and had to change it to high neck shirts all SUMMER. UGH.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have ONE and it drives me nuts, he tries to pull my boobs out of my shirt! He's just over 2, and hasn't BF in a year. He does it to his mother, too who laughs and says stop half heartedly.

He also says "boobies boobies boobies!" while attempting. I wear cardigans and tanks quite a bit and had to change it to high neck shirts all SUMMER. UGH.

[Chickadee-Tree]

I have ONE and it drives me nuts, he tries to pull my boobs out of my shirt! He's just over 2, and hasn't BF in a year. He does it to his mother, too who laughs and says stop half heartedly.

He also says "boobies boobies boobies!" while attempting. I wear cardigans and tanks quite a bit and had to change it to high neck shirts all SUMMER. UGH.

A couple months ago, a 2-yr-old dcb, who has never done anything like this before, just giggled at me, reached out with both hands, and.... well, for lack of a better word, "honked" my boobs! I couldn't believe it! ::

[AmyKidsCo]

So . . . am I the only one here whose day care kids grab her (totally unobtrusive, barely-there) breasts if she lets the kids in her lap?! Attachment parenting.

::::

I have a 12 mo old that grabs at me when I'm holding him. I'm not comfortable with it so I turn him around.

As far as lap sitting goes, if I'm on the floor and someone wants to sit on me I'll let them - I can fit 4.

[renodeb]

While I do think there is a fine line between promoting independence and play and a child parked in your lap I have never had to institute a no lap policy. I dont mind holding the kids for a bit. I think the kids I watch like having a little what Ive coined as "check in time". Its just a brief time when I give them a hug or a pat on the head or something along those lines. My 14 year old daughter does a lot of holding them when she gets home from school which they love. She's great with the kids and they think of her like a big sis.
If there is a ligit reason for not being able to have lap time then you should not feel badly.
Deb

[Hunni Bee]

I have found that sitting on a provider's lap can get competitive with kids. For that reason I stopped doing it. I will pop a child 18m or younger on my lap, but not big kids. I give lots of hugs, squeeze hands, pat backs etc but other than that - go play

That's why I don't do it. I will if someone is especially sad or hurt or sick, as a general rule, no. I also dont like to smell like butt at the end of the day. Hugs and hair ruffles.

[Nurse Jackie]

Wow, maybe it's the wishful thinking of having my own grandchildren but I DO let them on my lap. Yes, there are squabbles but there are squabbles over what color cup they get, who gets to play with a certain toy first...our days are filled with squabbles. I feel like a 2nd mom to some of them and believe they need extra cuddles at times. Sometimes I have 2 kids on my lap. Inappropriate?? I don't get that perception I guess. I provide a home away from home to these kids and in this day and age, I feel they need as much security as I can muster.
The other day my 9 yo dcg was sooo down in the dumps it was heart breaking. A back pat or smile wouldn't have down the trick. She walked by me several times, tears in her eyes, I pulled her over and she plunked right down in my lap and I held her. I'd like to think it made the difference in the rest of her day. Even 9 yos need comforting sometimes and if mom isn't available, then she can have 2nd best.

Sure there are times when they sit beside me and I put my arm around them or I kneel to give them hugs, etc., but sometimes they just need to feel that enclosure of someone truly caring and not rushing on with their day. IMO kids need to feel all important, at least for a few minutes in their busy chaotic days filled with noise, competition, etc. Kids' actions and misbehavior cry for attention and I guess this is one of the ways I take them aside and let them know I care. Please don't throw rotten tomatoes at me.

BUT to the OP, because of your arthritis, I would definitely explain why it's hurting you and why you cannot allow it.

This is me. I have a 2 and under crowd and they like to be held, hugged, or sitting next to me. So far I haven't had anyone fight however as soon as I'm putting 1 down I have another reaching up to be picked up. I don't mind it because from what I can observe their parents give them lots of love. I'm just filling in until mom or dad picks up.