When You Like The Parents But Not The Child

[spedmommy4]

He's five, but developmentally, verbally and socially he's like a 3 year old

It sounds like his developmental skills are the reason why he qualified for an IEP, and also why he would benefit greatly from a special education classroom. He's 5 now, which means he qualifies (by age) to be in a special education Kindergarten classroom. Because he is on an IEP, he doesn't have to be potty trained. (My daughter wasn't ). Potty training can take a long time when delays are significant.

When my own daughter was Kindergarten age, the California district we were in tried to pressure me into accepting weekly therapy or an additional year of SPED preschool. That wasn't developmentally appropriate for her at the time. I advocated for her at the meeting and she started that year. Unfortunately, not all parents know that they can and should advocate.

If the parents do want him in school, they should go back to the district and request a meeting to discuss options. Lack of potty training is not a reason to keep a child out of school, especially if he needs it.

[MarinaVanessa]

It sounds like his developmental skills are the reason why he qualified for an IEP, and also why he would benefit greatly from a special education classroom. He's 5 now, which means he qualifies (by age) to be in a special education Kindergarten classroom. Because he is on an IEP, he doesn't have to be potty trained. (My daughter wasn't ). Potty training can take a long time when delays are significant.

When my own daughter was Kindergarten age, the California district we were in tried to pressure me into accepting weekly therapy or an additional year of SPED preschool. That wasn't developmentally appropriate for her at the time. I advocated for her at the meeting and she started that year. Unfortunately, not all parents know that they can and should advocate.

If the parents do want him in school, they should go back to the district and request a meeting to discuss options. Lack of potty training is not a reason to keep a child out of school, especially if he needs it.

I'll relay the message to DCM about him not needing to be potty trained if he has an IEP. Hopefully she does something soon because it took me almost 2 months of waiting just for her to get him into therapy. He had his assessment in January, she just never set his appointments :confused:

[Unregistered]

It sounds like his developmental skills are the reason why he qualified for an IEP, and also why he would benefit greatly from a special education classroom. He's 5 now, which means he qualifies (by age) to be in a special education Kindergarten classroom. Because he is on an IEP, he doesn't have to be potty trained. (My daughter wasn't ). Potty training can take a long time when delays are significant.

When my own daughter was Kindergarten age, the California district we were in tried to pressure me into accepting weekly therapy or an additional year of SPED preschool. That wasn't developmentally appropriate for her at the time. I advocated for her at the meeting and she started that year. Unfortunately, not all parents know that they can and should advocate.

If the parents do want him in school, they should go back to the district and request a meeting to discuss options. Lack of potty training is not a reason to keep a child out of school, especially if he needs it.

I was about to say, it sounds like they registered him and he was placed in special ed. When the parents didn't like that, they were told he had to be potty trained to be in the regular kindergarten. Kindergarten isn't required in many states. The parents decided not to do public school this year. This is going to be a losing battle for them. They should have just put him in the special ed kinder. I used to work in a public school. He must really have issues if the school registered him for special ed. Usually, a lot of children attend regular kindergarten and special ed as they get older and can't keep up with peers.

[MarinaVanessa]

I was about to say, it sounds like they registered him and he was placed in special ed. When the parents didn't like that, they were told he had to be potty trained to be in the regular kindergarten. Kindergarten isn't required in many states. The parents decided not to do public school this year. This is going to be a losing battle for them. They should have just put him in the special ed kinder. I used to work in a public school. He must really have issues if the school registered him for special ed. Usually, a lot of children attend regular kindergarten and special ed as they get older and can't keep up with peers.

*sigh* This is what I feel like happened. I mentioned to DCM today that he can go to kinder and that they'd be able to accommodate him and offer support with his needs and she looked like she didn't like that. Gave me the feeling that she didn't want him in special ed.

I then also offered the info of a provider friend that I have known and she's very good. I spoke to my provider friend first of course and mentioned the issues that I had. She has much more experience with this type of thing and even currently already has another child about the same age, same abilities, also not toilet trained etc. that she thought would be great as a buddy for my DCB. She used to be a teacher before she opened her daycare and she was excited to be able to work with both of them as a pair. Well, mom didn't like something that I said when I told her today that my friend had an opening. I could see it in her face.

She was concerned that the provider wasn't already contracted through our local child care subsidy program. It takes about 3-4 weeks to sign up as a contracted provider and DCM complained that she didn't have the money to pay for daycare for that long while they waited for her to get contracted. I tried explaining that if DCM started the process now she could finish out her month here while she waited for the other provider to get contracted and when finalized she could switch over and there wouldn't be any lapse. I guess that was too much trouble.

Well, I did my part. I gave them plenty of notice, suggested kinder (free), and even pretty much lined up their next provider for them and none of it was good for her. She told me that she didn't know what she was going to do and that maybe I'd change my mind.

[daycarediva]

*sigh* This is what I feel like happened. I mentioned to DCM today that he can go to kinder and that they'd be able to accommodate him and offer support with his needs and she looked like she didn't like that. Gave me the feeling that she didn't want him in special ed.

I then also offered the info of a provider friend that I have known and she's very good. I spoke to my provider friend first of course and mentioned the issues that I had. She has much more experience with this type of thing and even currently already has another child about the same age, same abilities, also not toilet trained etc. that she thought would be great as a buddy for my DCB. She used to be a teacher before she opened her daycare and she was excited to be able to work with both of them as a pair. Well, mom didn't like something that I said when I told her today that my friend had an opening. I could see it in her face.

She was concerned that the provider wasn't already contracted through our local child care subsidy program. It takes about 3-4 weeks to sign up as a contracted provider and DCM complained that she didn't have the money to pay for daycare for that long while they waited for her to get contracted. I tried explaining that if DCM started the process now she could finish out her month here while she waited for the other provider to get contracted and when finalized she could switch over and there wouldn't be any lapse. I guess that was too much trouble.

Well, I did my part. I gave them plenty of notice, suggested kinder (free), and even pretty much lined up their next provider for them and none of it was good for her. She told me that she didn't know what she was going to do and that maybe I'd change my mind.

ugh! It does sound like she is refusing to accept the diagnosis/delays and is hoping a year will help the child catch up.

You did what you could, and what was best for the child.

[spedmommy4]

*sigh* This is what I feel like happened. I mentioned to DCM today that he can go to kinder and that they'd be able to accommodate him and offer support with his needs and she looked like she didn't like that. Gave me the feeling that she didn't want him in special ed.

I then also offered the info of a provider friend that I have known and she's very good. I spoke to my provider friend first of course and mentioned the issues that I had. She has much more experience with this type of thing and even currently already has another child about the same age, same abilities, also not toilet trained etc. that she thought would be great as a buddy for my DCB. She used to be a teacher before she opened her daycare and she was excited to be able to work with both of them as a pair. Well, mom didn't like something that I said when I told her today that my friend had an opening. I could see it in her face.

She was concerned that the provider wasn't already contracted through our local child care subsidy program. It takes about 3-4 weeks to sign up as a contracted provider and DCM complained that she didn't have the money to pay for daycare for that long while they waited for her to get contracted. I tried explaining that if DCM started the process now she could finish out her month here while she waited for the other provider to get contracted and when finalized she could switch over and there wouldn't be any lapse. I guess that was too much trouble.

Well, I did my part. I gave them plenty of notice, suggested kinder (free), and even pretty much lined up their next provider for them and none of it was good for her. She told me that she didn't know what she was going to do and that maybe I'd change my mind.

Just be clear that there is no chance you will change your mind. It is really unfortunate because, without appropriate intervention, significant delays don't magically improve. The most likely scenario here is that he is going to get invited to leave a few more childcare settings before mom realizes he needs a different setting.