Help

[Unregistered]

I have a family and mom not only dresses her 4 year old in girl clothes which I have no problem with even though the child says mom picked it out. But mom n dad are separated and dad hates that she dresses him like a girl bc the child doesn't care what he dresses in as long as it's clothes. Dad asked if there was anything I could say to her. And I apologized and told him I didn't really feel comfortable saying anything but the fact I do feel bad for the child bc he is getting made fun of and there is only so much I can do or the teachers can do. We don't allow bullying but I can't stop everything. And I tried to explain that to mom as well but she was upset.maybe I stepped over the line by saying anything other than I'm sorry she did it again.... Buttttt this all wouldn't be weird or anything besides she's dressing her other son with a different dad like a girl and he's not even in the toddler room like bows in his hair pink this purple that. Butterfly sleepers. Idk maybe I'm thinking too much about it all I just feel like somethings not right like why would you do that to your kids if they want to that's different but you can't tell me she's not a little crazy just needing some help idk what I should do anymore.....

[Ariana]

I would contact CPS and see what they have to say. It sounds to me like mom may have an undiagnosed mental illness.

[Josiegirl]

I would contact CPS and see what they have to say. It sounds to me like mom may have an undiagnosed mental illness.

I agree you need to speak with a professional about this; calling CPS doesn't mean they'll do anything, just get their opinion. Or you could call your local cc resource agency and ask.
I'm dumbfounded and have never come across anything quite like that. Is this something recent due to the split/stress, etc. or has she been doing this right along?
I have a dcb(8 yo) whose Barbie collection surpasses most little girls' and he dresses up here with all our girlish stuff, but never once has he come dressed in girl's clothes. This is definitely something that is within the mom's whims/needs and if the little guy is getting picked on, she should seek help if she cannot stop.

[Pestle]

Is she raising him gender-neutral? That's a thing. Gender-neutral parents let their kids choose from a variety of clothing types. They're trying to avoid exactly the social stigma you're so concerned about--the one where you think CPS should be called for a boy in girl's clothing.

[Unregistered]

Honestly I'm not sure about the Gender neutral thing I'm not very well informed on it so I'm not sure if it's that crazy or maybe in the norm. I told mom n repeatedly that I didn't have a problem what he came in but that I felt bad for him and wanted her to keep an eye out bc Ik what bullying can do at such a young age. She got offensive and I wasn't even trying to make it an issue until I got all my information and knew exactly what to do. Bc it's not just one child and that makes me think she's trying to push something on her boys I'm going to make a call to cps today and get some information

[Pestle]

So when you told her it wasn't a problem, what did you expect her to hear? "It's such a big problem that I'm going to try to get your child taken from his home and placed in foster care"? Or, "It's not a problem, but because other children are bullying your child, I'm going to do the grown-up version of bullying"? Because she might not have gotten that subtext from "It's not a problem."

Is he bathed? Is his clothing clean and appropriate to the season? Are you maybe getting swept up in a he-said/she-said thing between the parents?

Is it possible that your job here is to address the fact that other kids in your care are bullying him? You say "There is only so much I can do" when it comes to the bad behavior of children you're responsible for, but you certainly are pulling out the hammer when it comes to this particular child.

[Blackcat31]

Is she raising him gender-neutral? That's a thing. Gender-neutral parents let their kids choose from a variety of clothing types. They're trying to avoid exactly the social stigma you're so concerned about--the one where you think CPS should be called for a boy in girl's clothing.

Parents who raise their children to be gender neutral don't CHOOSE to dress their child in clothing generally worn on the opposite gender.

Gender neutral means exactly that. Nothing that denotes the gender of the child.

In this case, the mother is dressing the male child like a girl child (or what society feels is generally female clothing).

I think notifying CPS is a good idea.

NOT because the child is in any immediate physical danger or because the child wears pink or purple clothing (who cares) but I think a call to CPS might be warranted because of possible mental illness. Seems the subject has been brought up to mom before and she is aware of her child being teased/bullied because of it and yet she still does it.

I would NOT be concerned about a pink or purple shirt or butterfly anything as I don't feel those are strictly limited to a female wardrobe. What I would be concerned about is the bows in the child's hair and the deliberate attempt to make the baby look like a female.

Since this child is an infant, the child did not pick out the items to wear. Makes me wonder if mom isn't suffering from postpartum maybe?

Also OP stated in her first post that when she tried to inform mom about the bullying, she got upset.

So mom knows about the situation she is creating for her child yet continues to put him in harms way.
That warrants a call to CPS in my honest opinion.

I've dealt with mental illness in a parent before and I will be the first to say a "perfect portrait" doesn't always tell the full story. The children don't have to be unkempt, unfed or in poor physical condition to signal abuse.

[Play Care]

I believe the OP said the child is 4, and is saying that mom is picking out his clothing. He is not choosing to dress in "girl" clothes (which for arguments sake I'll assume means obviously "feminine" clothing such as dresses, not the color of the garment being worn)

It might not be "pc" but I feel there is a huge difference between a child deciding to wear a dress because they like it and not having that decision because the parent forces them to dress that way.

That said, I agree that I would not allow other children to tease or bully another child.

[Pestle]

The OP said " only so much I can do or the teachers can do."

OP, are you the director? If not, are you working with the teachers and director on this, or just planning to call CPS under your own authority?

Some gender-neutral parents are very proud of dressing their boys in ruffles and bows. The philosophy is neutrality, not androgyny. Do some internet research before you decide you're an expert in the silly, confusing behaviors of 21st-century parents.

[Rockgirl]

I don't think anyone is claiming to be an expert. I think it really comes down to whether the child is choosing these clothes, or if the mom is forcing it. If the mom is making her boys wear 'girly' clothes, that's not very forward, is it? How is that better than forcing a girl to wear sparkles and bows, when she prefers a baseball jersey?

[Alwaysgreener]

Parents who raise their children to be gender neutral don't CHOOSE to dress their child in clothing generally worn on the opposite gender.

Gender neutral means exactly that. Nothing that denotes the gender of the child.

In this case, the mother is dressing the male child like a girl child (or what society feels is generally female clothing).

I think notifying CPS is a good idea.

NOT because the child is in any immediate physical danger or because the child wears pink or purple clothing (who cares) but I think a call to CPS might be warranted because of possible mental illness. Seems the subject has been brought up to mom before and she is aware of her child being teased/bullied because of it and yet she still does it.

I would NOT be concerned about a pink or purple shirt or butterfly anything as I don't feel those are strictly limited to a female wardrobe. What I would be concerned about is the bows in the child's hair and the deliberate attempt to make the baby look like a female.

Since this child is an infant, the child did not pick out the items to wear. Makes me wonder if mom isn't suffering from postpartum maybe?

Also OP stated in her first post that when she tried to inform mom about the bullying, she got upset.

So mom knows about the situation she is creating for her child yet continues to put him in harms way.
That warrants a call to CPS in my honest opinion.

I've dealt with mental illness in a parent before and I will be the first to say a "perfect portrait" doesn't always tell the full story. The children don't have to be unkempt, unfed or in poor physical condition to signal abuse.

"The children don't have to be unkempt, unfed or in poor physical condition to signal abuse."

I agree, some of the most well dressed, clean and healthy looking people have been abused.

[Blackcat31]

Some gender-neutral parents are very proud of dressing their boys in ruffles and bows. The philosophy is neutrality, not androgyny. Do some internet research before you decide you're an expert in the silly, confusing behaviors of 21st-century parents.

I don't get my information from the internet, thank you.

I am not an expert by any means but this isn't a foreign subject to me; it's something I know a lot about for many personal reasons.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Is she raising him gender-neutral? That's a thing. Gender-neutral parents let their kids choose from a variety of clothing types. They're trying to avoid exactly the social stigma you're so concerned about--the one where you think CPS should be called for a boy in girl's clothing.

The mom wouldn't be putting the kid in obvious girl clothing if she was raising them gender neutral. If the child is not choosing it's outfits (and clearly the infant is not), then this mom is seemingly wanting to dress her boys as girls for SOME reason. Whether it's a mental issue or maybe she just wants to p!ss off the dads...who knows? If it's really concerning, I would call.

[Play Care]

I believe the OP said the child is 4, and is saying that mom is picking out his clothing. He is not choosing to dress in "girl" clothes (which for arguments sake I'll assume means obviously "feminine" clothing such as dresses, not the color of the garment being worn)

It might not be "pc" but I feel there is a huge difference between a child deciding to wear a dress because they like it and not having that decision because the parent forces them to dress that way.

That said, I agree that I would not allow other children to tease or bully another child.

Ahh, never mind.

Paragraphs are you friend.

[daycarediva]

I have a child raised gender neutral in care. She chooses what she wears, her name is neutral shortened, her neutral hair cut was chosen by her. She refers to herself with various pronouns. It is NOT forced, and that's the difference, imho.

The forcing of it would be my concern. I would tell Dad he needs to bring it up in court, or to their court ordered guardian ad litem.