Terming Non Napper

[NillaWafers]

I feel like I'm at my wits end. I told DCM that I would have to term if her daughter (3) didn't start napping and behaving at nap (this was a month ago). I require they sit on their mat, be quiet and read a book. She cannot do that. I have to sit next to her all during nap or she will get off her mat, grab toys, try to wake other kids. She will do this for all of the two hour nap and just NOT nap. A month ago I started a chart with stars and m&m rewards which worked. As soon as I took that away she starting acting up again (of course, she also had TWO, week long, vacations this month). She is now past my "improvement date", but she was acting ok with the chart.

This is the same girl who started a year ago and I had to use a heavy blanket and separate to even get her to nap in the first place. Everyone is up an hour early today because she woke everyone up.

WWYD? Start a chart again? I feel like if she had it her way she'd be rewarded for expected behavior all the time (ie no reward, no behavior). I'm starting to get really frustrated with her and that's not a good sign. Leaning towards terming but that would mean I would have THREE toddler spots to fill which seem to be already hard to fill right now. I guess I could also PUT another star on the calendar.

FWIW, DCG mom is great. Always has paid on time and without complaint.

[JackandJill]

That's a tough one. Can you financially have 3 open spots? If yes, than I would term. Everyone here has to nap or have quiet time. Waking kids up is a big NO NO! And 3 yrs old is old enough to understand that. Its really hard to go the whole day without some sort of break to reorganize, clean and sit! Not to mention then having a whole group of kids who haven't had enough sleep!

If you don't want to term, can she watch a movie during her quiet time? I do that with my son. Keeps him busy, he thinks its a big treat!

[NillaWafers]

My eldest is five and does not nap, he does watch TV or a movie while others nap. However, I do not want to do this with her.

I know her reasons for doing this and it's because her father, will put her down for a nap and then let her get up if she's annoying enough. She is seriously terrible after coming back from a weekend with her dad. She has even started telling her mother that she doesn't want to be with her - which obviously hurts her mom's feelings.

I can handle the reduction in income because my husband works full-time. All daycare is supplementary.

This DCG is fine at all other times, listens and follows directions well.

[KiwiKids]

That is a tough one. The chart might work again but I don't know if it would work forever. But, having 3 spots open is also hard. You could try until the other spots are filled or at least one is and then if it is still a struggle, terminate care.

But on the other hand it isn't that she's just not napping, she's being disruptive and keeping other kids from napping and that is not something I would want to deal with.

I'm not much help.

[Unregistered]

A couple of years ago I had this same problem. At that time, I updated my handbook and in the nap/rest section I added a child not napping and being disruptive consistently (being disruptive for a least 2 days). I gave 2 days grace period for parents to work with the behavior with their child at home, then I would start calling for pick up. I never had a problem again. Parents who know their child is not a napper end up enrolling for my half day program so their child wouldn't need to nap at my place.

[Chickadee-Tree]

I want to preface this by saying I absolutely agree that you shouldn't feel bad for doing what you have to do, even if it's terming her. Home daycare is hard--harder than anyone else realizes!! And you have needs (like the quiet atmosphere, etc), and that's completely legitimate. Sometimes your program or your space isn't set up to make accommodations for a certain child, and if that's the case, then you do what you can to make it work, and if it doesn't work, you have to make a tough decision.

With all that said, you have to also consider that she is 3 years old. Yes, she knows the rules. But she doesn't have the self-regulation and impulse control skills to obey the rules for two looooooong hours (an ETERNITY to a young child!).
She's being set up for failure here... At my old job at a center, we weren't allowed to ask a child to stay on their bed for longer than one hour.

No one likes waiting like that... Picture yourself in a waiting room, for two hours.
-You get a magazine or two--but they're written in Greek, so you can't read them, only look at pictures.
-When you try to talk to someone nearby, the receptionist freaks out; she harshly shushes you up and glares at you.

-When you want to stand up, stretch your legs, etc, again, the receptionist admonishes you--"SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! That is your chair, and you need to sit in it until we call you. Read your magazine in silence!"

Crappy way to spend two hours, right? Imagine doing it every day?

[NillaWafers]

I want to preface this by saying I absolutely agree that you shouldn't feel bad for doing what you have to do, even if it's terming her. Home daycare is hard--harder than anyone else realizes!! And you have needs (like the quiet atmosphere, etc), and that's completely legitimate. Sometimes your program or your space isn't set up to make accommodations for a certain child, and if that's the case, then you do what you can to make it work, and if it doesn't work, you have to make a tough decision.

With all that said, you have to also consider that she is 3 years old. Yes, she knows the rules. But she doesn't have the self-regulation and impulse control skills to obey the rules for two looooooong hours (an ETERNITY to a young child!).
She's being set up for failure here... At my old job at a center, we weren't allowed to ask a child to stay on their bed for longer than one hour.

No one likes waiting like that... Picture yourself in a waiting room, for two hours.
-You get a magazine or two--but they're written in Greek, so you can't read them, only look at pictures.
-When you try to talk to someone nearby, the receptionist freaks out; she harshly shushes you up and glares at you.

-When you want to stand up, stretch your legs, etc, again, the receptionist admonishes you--"SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! That is your chair, and you need to sit in it until we call you. Read your magazine in silence!"

Crappy way to spend two hours, right? Imagine doing it every day?

I see what you're saying, however, does that mean you're ok with a child who wakes other children? How would you accommodate that? The first hour is no different than the second, it's not like she just gets bored after a while and decides to act out.

[NillaWafers]

For example, today after 40 minutes she decided to sing loudly (and I'm even running white noise) and woke everyone in the room. So other kids who fell asleep immediately got woken the 40 minute mark.

[JackandJill]

I want to preface this by saying I absolutely agree that you shouldn't feel bad for doing what you have to do, even if it's terming her. Home daycare is hard--harder than anyone else realizes!! And you have needs (like the quiet atmosphere, etc), and that's completely legitimate. Sometimes your program or your space isn't set up to make accommodations for a certain child, and if that's the case, then you do what you can to make it work, and if it doesn't work, you have to make a tough decision.

With all that said, you have to also consider that she is 3 years old. Yes, she knows the rules. But she doesn't have the self-regulation and impulse control skills to obey the rules for two looooooong hours (an ETERNITY to a young child!).
She's being set up for failure here... At my old job at a center, we weren't allowed to ask a child to stay on their bed for longer than one hour.

No one likes waiting like that... Picture yourself in a waiting room, for two hours.
-You get a magazine or two--but they're written in Greek, so you can't read them, only look at pictures.
-When you try to talk to someone nearby, the receptionist freaks out; she harshly shushes you up and glares at you.

-When you want to stand up, stretch your legs, etc, again, the receptionist admonishes you--"SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! That is your chair, and you need to sit in it until we call you. Read your magazine in silence!"

Crappy way to spend two hours, right? Imagine doing it every day?

This is why I always say if you can't nap, its no longer a good fit.

Before I required everyone to nap, I was sooo burnt out with out a break. Add to that trying to keep one kid from waking everyone else up, and its really, really stressful.

I agree that it is also unfair to the child, 2 hours really is an eternity to be quiet and still!

I see only two options, term due to no longer being a good fit or give up your break to keep her quiet with an activity.

[Unregistered]

I want to preface this by saying I absolutely agree that you shouldn't feel bad for doing what you have to do, even if it's terming her. Home daycare is hard--harder than anyone else realizes!! And you have needs (like the quiet atmosphere, etc), and that's completely legitimate. Sometimes your program or your space isn't set up to make accommodations for a certain child, and if that's the case, then you do what you can to make it work, and if it doesn't work, you have to make a tough decision.

With all that said, you have to also consider that she is 3 years old. Yes, she knows the rules. But she doesn't have the self-regulation and impulse control skills to obey the rules for two looooooong hours (an ETERNITY to a young child!).
She's being set up for failure here... At my old job at a center, we weren't allowed to ask a child to stay on their bed for longer than one hour.

No one likes waiting like that... Picture yourself in a waiting room, for two hours.
-You get a magazine or two--but they're written in Greek, so you can't read them, only look at pictures.
-When you try to talk to someone nearby, the receptionist freaks out; she harshly shushes you up and glares at you.

-When you want to stand up, stretch your legs, etc, again, the receptionist admonishes you--"SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! That is your chair, and you need to sit in it until we call you. Read your magazine in silence!"

Crappy way to spend two hours, right? Imagine doing it every day?

I understand what you are saying, however I believe it can be taught what is expected. Before I opened my home daycare I was a preschool teacher for 2 year olds and my class had 16 children more than half were boys. I was told by my aide, the previous teacher had no control of the class so the children did not know routine and rules, and the parents were not being informed about their children's behavior. During nap most of the children would stay up and be disruptive not only to those sleeping in their class but also to the other classes around them (classes were divided with half wall partitions). Once I took over I established a routine, told my parents my expectations, and they were on board. Within a month every child would nap at least the majority of the rest time, if they woke early they were able to rest quietly until the signal to wake up was given.

Now I have the same routine and rules at my home daycare, and after being open for 5 years, I've only had 2 children have problem with being disruptive at nap time. For both, there was no routine or follow through at home regarding nap (parents would give up if child refused to nap after 20minutes) as told to me by the parents. They were hoping I would fix the problem for their child to nap, but they never thought they had to continue at home what I did at daycare, so it was a losing battle and ended up terming them. Even the youngest children in my daycare, 2 year old and 16 month old, if they wake up early, which they do since they only sleep an hour, are able to lay quietly until it's time to wake up. I refuse to stress myself out when there is no need to.

[childcaremom]

My eldest is five and does not nap, he does watch TV or a movie while others nap. However, I do not want to do this with her.

I know her reasons for doing this and it's because her father, will put her down for a nap and then let her get up if she's annoying enough. She is seriously terrible after coming back from a weekend with her dad. She has even started telling her mother that she doesn't want to be with her - which obviously hurts her mom's feelings.

I can handle the reduction in income because my husband works full-time. All daycare is supplementary.

This DCG is fine at all other times, listens and follows directions well.

I would term. Btdt.

[Unregistered]

Charge more for non nappers.

[Blackcat31]

@NillaWafers... It seems like its a stressor for you in general?

Me? I'd term.

When I first opened and was trying to really build a reputation I put up with, accommodated and allowed alot more than I am willing to do now.

Back then the balanced tipped toward needing the income verses the sanity. Now the pendulum has swung the other way and I value a stress free day MORE than I value the dollar.

Do what works for you at this moment in your life.
You can't go wrong

[Chickadee-Tree]

I see what you're saying, however, does that mean you're ok with a child who wakes other children? How would you accommodate that? The first hour is no different than the second, it's not like she just gets bored after a while and decides to act out.

When I decided to open my home daycare, one of the very first "must-haves" I decided on was a separate nap area (luckily, I was able to designate a bedroom in the house as the nap room. I totally understand that this is not possible for many people!).
Non-nappers (older kids, usually, but I even have a 2.5 yr old who doesn't nap sometimes) stay in the living room/playroom watching tv or doing quiet activities (puzzles, books, blocks, cars, coloring, anything that doesn't involve loud noises).
I take the nappers to the bedroom, and get them settled (yes, I rub backs, and even rock them when needed, I'm sure many people will be horrified, ...)
This usually takes about 20-30 mins usually, longer if I have more nappers. If a child is being too disruptive in the bedroom, they leave the room. I either send them to the hallway (where I have a soft, comfy spot and small basket of books. This is where the fan/white noise is on, and it's dark) if I am planning on trying again. If I know the child is "done" and won't be sleeping at all, I'll just send them back to the living room/playroom.

If I were you, I'd just let her watch tv while you put the others down, then take a bit of a break. It sounds like she's just done with naps...which is probably pretty common at her age.
Otherwise, I'd probably try designating an area where she can go if/when not napping... As long as she's being quiet, I'd allow a small variety of books, puzzles, "quiet books", "busy bags" or whatever....Those reusable sticker pads where you can decorate/redecorate different scenes, stuff like that. I'd rotate item choices periodically. If she gets loud, have a consequence (maybe back to books only, or something).

If she is still too disruptive after giving her a fair alternative, then at least you can terminate her and honestly tell her parents that you tried to give her options/accommodate her, but it's just not working.

Just my 2 cents

[Blackcat31]

When I decided to open my home daycare, one of the very first "must-haves" I decided on was a separate nap area (luckily, I was able to designate a bedroom in the house as the nap room. I totally understand that this is not possible for many people!).
Non-nappers (older kids, usually, but I even have a 2.5 yr old who doesn't nap sometimes) stay in the living room/playroom watching tv or doing quiet activities (puzzles, books, blocks, cars, coloring, anything that doesn't involve loud noises).
I take the nappers to the bedroom, and get them settled (yes, I rub backs, and even rock them when needed, I'm sure many people will be horrified, ...)
This usually takes about 20-30 mins usually, longer if I have more nappers. If a child is being too disruptive in the bedroom, they leave the room. I either send them to the hallway (where I have a soft, comfy spot and small basket of books. This is where the fan/white noise is on, and it's dark) if I am planning on trying again. If I know the child is "done" and won't be sleeping at all, I'll just send them back to the living room/playroom.

If I were you, I'd just let her watch tv while you put the others down, then take a bit of a break. It sounds like she's just done with naps...which is probably pretty common at her age.
Otherwise, I'd probably try designating an area where she can go if/when not napping... As long as she's being quiet, I'd allow a small variety of books, puzzles, "quiet books", "busy bags" or whatever....Those reusable sticker pads where you can decorate/redecorate different scenes, stuff like that. I'd rotate item choices periodically. If she gets loud, have a consequence (maybe back to books only, or something).

If she is still too disruptive after giving her a fair alternative, then at least you can terminate her and honestly tell her parents that you tried to give her options/accommodate her, but it's just not working.

Just my 2 cents

Can I ask, how long you've been open/in businesss?
Do you have kids of your own?