Child Who "Doesn't Know" Where Things Go

[Baby Beluga]

Boy I am full of questions this morning

DCB is 4 years old. He is a sweet, yet emotional little one.

Lately DCB hates cleaning up. When it is time he will do a few things: 1) hand toys to other children to put away. 2) walk in circles making it look like he is cleaning up without actually touching a toy 3) cry and say he doesn't know where things get put back.

He has been here two years. The toys have been stored in the same place for two years.

Today he was supposed to put a toy away. He claimed he didn't know where it went. He is standing in our classroom crying for mom while holding a toy and claiming he doesn't know where it goes. FWIW - there is one open shelf right now, and it is where this toy goes. In the same place it has always gone.

This morning the first thing mom said was "may the force be with you." Apparently DCB was up at 3am and didn't go back to sleep. I am sure being tired compounded today's incident, but this is becoming an reoccurring thing for him.

What would you do here?

[Blackcat31]

Boy I am full of questions this morning

DCB is 4 years old. He is a sweet, yet emotional little one.

Lately DCB hates cleaning up. When it is time he will do a few things: 1) hand toys to other children to put away. 2) walk in circles making it look like he is cleaning up without actually touching a toy 3) cry and say he doesn't know where things get put back.

He has been here two years. The toys have been stored in the same place for two years.

Today he was supposed to put a toy away. He claimed he didn't know where it went. He is standing in our classroom crying for mom while holding a toy and claiming he doesn't know where it goes. FWIW - there is one open shelf right now, and it is where this toy goes. In the same place it has always gone.

This morning the first thing mom said was "may the force be with you." Apparently DCB was up at 3am and didn't go back to sleep. I am sure being tired compounded today's incident, but this is becoming an reoccurring thing for him.

What would you do here?

I would take one of two approaches...

Either label all your bins with pictures of what items go where so he has to figure it out by looking at the pictures OR (if you think he is simply being manipulative) allow him only as many toys as he claims he is capable of putting away.

If he has trouble putting away multiple items in multiple places, then only allow him to play ONE toy or ONE activity that requires all the pieces/parts to simply be put into one container.

Tell him he can have more toys the better he becomes at cleaning up. How long before that happens? That's up to him.

[Blackcat31]

Not the same issue but still...

[Baby Beluga]

I would take one of two approaches...

Either label all your bins with pictures of what items go where so he has to figure it out by looking at the pictures OR (if you think he is simply being manipulative) allow him only as many toys as he claims he is capable of putting away.

If he has trouble putting away multiple items in multiple places, then only allow him to play ONE toy or ONE activity that requires all the pieces/parts to simply be put into one container.

Tell him he can have more toys the better he becomes at cleaning up. How long before that happens? That's up to him.

This kinda what happened today. He was using bears and cup manipulatives. The different colored bears you put into the same colored cups. The bears are stored in a plastic container and the cups are stacked on top of one another. The container and cups are put into the same cubby square. It is the only thing that goes in this square. DCB put the bears into the plastic container and put the cups on the shelf. Then said he didn't know where the bears (plastic container) went.

He screamed for 30 minutes claiming to not know where the bears went. Then asked if he could lay on his cot. I told him after he put the bears away he could. He screamed harder. Then miraculously after that he put the bears away properly.

[Leigh]

I would take one of two approaches...

Either label all your bins with pictures of what items go where so he has to figure it out by looking at the pictures OR (if you think he is simply being manipulative) allow him only as many toys as he claims he is capable of putting away.

If he has trouble putting away multiple items in multiple places, then only allow him to play ONE toy or ONE activity that requires all the pieces/parts to simply be put into one container.

Tell him he can have more toys the better he becomes at cleaning up. How long before that happens? That's up to him.

Any toys that I have that go in a specific place (such as a bin for cars, one for dinosaurs, etc), I put a picture on-I just print one from online and tape it on the bin. It's helped with getting things where they belong.

The one toy at a time thing works, too. I recently had a kid that I had to take toy privileges from a few times before he decided that he WAS able to pick up toys after all! This was the one who would dump dozens of toys and walk away (4.5 yo) and then cry that he couldn't possibly pick them up. When he DID pick up, he'd shove them under furniture, behind the toy box-anywhere but where they should have been and he put so much more effort into hiding toys than he would have just picking them up.

Before taking toy privileges completely, I set a timer and give a warning. 10 minutes on the timer and if the toys aren't picked up at the end of that period, he would lose toys for the entire next day. He STILL had to pick up his toys at the end of the 10 minutes, but he would do it with me standing next to him directing him (pick up the car, put the car in this box. Pick up the dinosaur, put the dinosaur in this box). After losing toys a few times, he became the best kid at picking up.

[Josiegirl]

Not the same issue but still...

That is 150% true!!!! Most kids here seem to use that excuse. I just shrug and say 'well, don't ask me how they all got there then' and walk on, ignoring there 'but they're too heavyyyyy' cries.

[Baby Beluga]

Not the same issue but still...

:: I somehow skipped over this the first time - it's great!

[Brittany]

Sounds like your doing the exact right thing(following through) I have found that 3.5yr-4yr is a hard age, lots of arguing and emotions.

[Unregistered]

Wow! I bet he was tired! 3:00am!!

Anyway over the years I've had kids here and there decide not to pick up.....

First here's what I do to encourage clean up
1. Put on the clean up song, it's from an older CD by Kathy Poelker and it's great!

2. I have a pair of kid's binoculars and I go around saying "I see_______cleaning up, I see ______cleaning up. This motivates slow movers because they want to hear their name. You can just cup your eyes with your hands too.

3. I have a sticker chart which I love for more than just the tiny reward it is. The names are in are row. My stickers are by theme so that reinforces seasons, holidays, and builds vocabulary, kids will make patterns, talk about their sticker, and they put so much though into their choice! They learn to read their name and friend's names!
They usually only miss getting a sticker once and they are motivated to clean up the next day. But of course this doesn't always work but I still live it. It works best for two's and up.

On occasion these things stop working.

I have used the I'll help you and use the hand over hand technique. I'm really not a big fan of that!

What I do is leave a small pile of toys in the corner and say you won't be able to get out toys next time until those are put away. Then we move on.

Next play time I follow through. I always follow through. It always works for me.

I like the suggestion of one toy or one bin.....pay close attention and really monitor!

[Unregistered]

Oh, also when things get rough I set expectations right after breakfast before kids go to free play. We talk about our jobs. I talk about my DC jobs, watch over them, sweep, change diapers, cook, dishes, etc. they help me name them.

Then we talk about their jobs, self-care as washing hands, hanging up coat, and putting toys away. We talk about what would happen if none of the toys were ever cleaned up. Trip, break toys, things lost, etc.

Also fewer toys can help, fewer toys with pieces, and requiring kids to clean as they go.

If I had a 4 yr old running around dumping toys and not cleaning up he'd be at the table with table toys! Now a 2yr old that's developmentally expected!

[Josiegirl]

As far as picking up toys, I heard somewhere that if you 'stop their world' until they pick up, it works. If picking up only involves one child, then keep him sitting right there until he does it. If it involves a group, then let everybody else pick up their share, then leave dck there til he's done his too. If he misses the next fun activity because of stubbornness oh well.

[WImom]

Is he going off to school this fall by chance? I have a few kids that have been so antsy and emotional that are leaving at the end of the month. I think the parents probably keep talking about "new" school so much to them. I think they are anxious.

It might be tiredness and for attention, maybe at home he gets attention when he "forgets" where something goes.

I'd say if he hasn't forgotten anything else and it's just cleanup it's probably the above for attention. I agree with previous posters, you could label things with pictures if you haven't and/or ignore the behavior, he can move on when he is doing cleaning.

[Josiegirl]

Also, we always sing some kind of clean-up song to inspire them and can get downright silly making up our own. We've also played beat the timer.
Some kids do great, some just don't. Maybe the dcb needs to stick to specific items to pick up? Does he get overwhelmed when he sees a big mess and doesn't know where to start? Jack, pick up the cars. Toby, your clean-up job is the blocks.
I'm learning(slow learner here ) that with silliness and laughter, insert some make-believe, you can get a lot more cooperation than if you simply order 'clean up time!'

[Baby Beluga]

I always give a warning before clean up time. For example, "okay guys, in 5 minutes we are going to clean up. I am setting the timer, when you hear it beep, it's time to clean up and move on to xyz." Doing it this way I have had almost zero trouble out of anyone...except this child. I caught him again yesterday handing another child a book and saying "I don't know where this goes." FWIW ALL the books go into the same bucket, and that bucket is labeled. Even the other children are getting fed up with it.

This child is moving to K in August of 2017. He has always played the helpless card and most often Mom falls for it. For quite some time he would pretend he didn't know how to remove his own jacket or put on his shoes...after me seeing him do both on numerous occasions. We have moved past the jacket and shoes and are now on toys.

Also, FWIW - when we are doing centers I will ask him to help me set them up. "DCB, can you please get X and put it on X rug. Then get G and put it on G rug." When doing it this way he knows where every single thing in our classroom belongs.

[Josiegirl]

Haha gotta love the helpless card.
I remember when one of my dds was in elementary school, one of her classmates had another classmate putting on his shoes for him. I'm thinking you've gotta be kidding me. It was K or 1st grade. One of my dcds is a 4th grade teacher and he had to take time out to show a student how to tie their shoes. :confused:

I wouldn't play into that at all, just say 'you know where it goes and when you're done come on over and join us'.