My Own Child Failed The Two Week Trial Period :'(

[Nisaryn]

Hello everyone, long time no see. A LOT has been going on so here goes...

As most of you know I am a Navy spouse. I have been running and in-home daycare for almost 2 years now. I had my son last year. It was obvious from an early age that something was off. My Pedi recommended seeing an OT. They evaluated him and decided that he needed to see an OT every week for one hour a week for at least 8 months! They were unable to get me an evening time slot and so I have had to shut down early EVERY Monday for the past 5 months...I lost business. ALL OF MY BUSINESS!!! During this time we also had him further evaluated and my son was fully diagnosed as having mild Autism and now has an IFSP. He also goes to Speech once a week now as well as continuing to see the OT. Because of not being able to stay open for normal hours (and losing all my business because of it) I recently decided to leave the daycare business and was able to get my son into a military funded small CDH (three kids only at all times) that also just happened to be only two streets over, I can walk there in less than 10. While I managed to snag a nice position as an ESL assistant teacher at our local community college. Super nice lady. She liked us and we liked her, everything during the interview went great so it seemed like an awesome fit.

I had warned her ahead of time that because I was running my own daycare he had NEVER been with anyone else for care for more than a few hours here and there during appointments and interviews. I let her know that he had issues with sensory, especially texture of foods and fabrics, and also that he would probably have a hard time adjusting at first due to his advanced age. I also let her know that he had an IFSP (she said she would need copies to give to the CDH office). I was not able to get that too her right away because they were still finalizing our 'goals' and reaching out for additional services. She assured me that she had worked with kids before who had sensory needs and also expected it might take some time for him to get used to mommy not being near. Sooo for his first week we agreed that he would just come for a few hours each day and then slowly extend the day. I managed to get hired on as a teacher and wouldn't be starting till August 22nd so we (at this time) still had about 6 weeks to get him used to care.

His first day was a Wednesday and he cried and wailed (as expected) and she called me after 3 hours to come get him. His second day he cried and wailed (again as expected) and she called me after 1.5hrs. His third day (Friday last week)...called after 1hr. Weekend went by and so this past week:
Monday - 1.5hrs
Tuesday- 45 minutes
Wednesday- 2hrs
Thursday - 40 minutes
Friday - 30 minutes, "The two week trial period is now up and I just don't think this is going to work. I'm sorry. Usually by now I can get them to 'click' with the rest of us."

So, after gracefully accepting her decision...and then going home to cry it out since I have NO other options for affordable care, I'm sitting here wondering if I should have asked for more time? I've kept kids for MUCH longer than this...especially when they are older...and it has taken them up to a month or two to adjust. I'm just...I have no idea what to think. After assuring me it would be fine, that she had experience, that all would be good...he was only there for EIGHT DAYS!!! He started halfway through that first week! So I had to have a good cry as I told the school that I would not be able to work for them after all....because my son was kicked out of daycare due to non-adjustment. I'm just...I have no words. I had just picked up my ID card and affixed my parking decal to my vehicle. I was so hopeful and so excited! I'm sorry. I guess I really just needed a place to vent. I just felt she should have tried to wait it out a bit longer...to give it more time...on Thursday I had only just brought him some laminated pictures and his lovie from home to keep with him. This just doesn't seem like it was enough time to truly test considering his advanced age and special needs.

If you read this far on, thank you so much for listening!

[Josiegirl]

I'm so sorry. I can see a trial period of 2 weeks and possibly extending it to a month if there is a glimmer of hope. Must be your son cried the whole time? That would be difficult from both sides of the situation.

As a former provider yourself, you know each provider's stress points are different, what each provider can offer is different, and each dc group is as different as fingerprints. To me, it didn't look good when she was calling every single day for pick-up, even though she said she'd dealt with issues similar to your son's before. I've dealt with all kinds of issues, we all have, but it still matters how they fit into the group and how the provider is handling that specific group.

Better to know now. I hope and pray you can find another option. You must feel discouraged but take from this situation what you can, learn from it and build on it, and go from there. Not much else you can do because I feel if you ended up begging for more time it would end up being more of the same.

[Luvnmykidz]

Don't give up

I feel bad for you and can personally relate to your disappointment and level of stress from this situation. My son cried and it took him months to adjust to a center because he had only been with one home daycare and only certain family members. He also had a significant speech delay and hearing issues and an IFSP upon enrollment to a center. They worked with us for 3 months and I pulled him because he wasn't adjusting. The director explained that legally with an IFSP they had to offer an extended period of time to adjust and that they may need to modify some things within his day to assist with adjusting. I felt bad for my son and the staff because of his constant crying and I gave in. When he started preschool in a public school it was the same thing. He screamed from the moment he woke up until about 1.5 hrs before pick up, for several months. Anytime there was a vacation or he missed a day due to illness it was like starting over. I really thought something was wrong with him. I stuck with it though and he finally adjusted and now he's heading to 2nd grade! Anyways I just wanted to share that so you know you're not alone. If at all possible I would try drop in care somewhere for a consistent amount of days and hours per week to try and get him acclimated to being cared for by others. I also would've thought the trial period would've been extended due to the honesty and information provided by you. Although to me it seems as if the provider wasn't fully prepared to handle the situation since calls for early pick up were daily. I. My opinion this sets a standard of expectations from the child to get picked up early if they continue to cry and it doesn't encourage them to try and work it out, nor does it show the provider is able to handle it. I know we all have breaking points though and respect the provider for calling for pick up prior to reaching a breaking point. I just feel like more time was needed. Good luck and don't give up, you still have plenty of time. :hug:

[Thriftylady]

I really wish I had advice, but but I don't. Hopefully you can find a place where he can adjust. I do think the calling for pick up daily shows you that it really wasn't the best fit for him though. Does the college you will be working for have a daycare program that he can get into? Many do since they have early childhood education programs.

[nannyde]

Is he puking when he cries?

[midaycare]

How old is your son? At this point, with the care that he needs, I might just make some sacrifices and stay at home until he is at school. Help him become adjusted as much as possible, attend play groups, do whatever is suggested, so that he can have a great start in school. Then you can work.

It's not an easy solution, but you have to remember that if your son is screaming, it's a stressful situation for him, too.

[spedmommy4]

How old is your son? At this point, with the care that he needs, I might just make some sacrifices and stay at home until he is at school. Help him become adjusted as much as possible, attend play groups, do whatever is suggested, so that he can have a great start in school. Then you can work.

It's not an easy solution, but you have to remember that if your son is screaming, it's a stressful situation for him, too.

Unfortunately, I agree here. I've been on the parent and provider side of this issue. When my daughter was a young toddler, I couldn't even leave her with certain family members. She'd scream until I picked her up.

Even when you do allow a longer trial period, it is still tough for some kids to handle the change. The upside is that it tends to get better as verbal and social skills improve. By the time my daughter was around 3, I was able to leave her at preschool.

In the meantime, if you need to work financially, family daycare can still be a viable option. It would mean hiring someone to come in once a week to cover you for appointments to balance work/family.

[Denali]

My son (who is now 4) needed ot/pt/and speech (once he turned 2 yrs old and wasn't talking) when he was younger. Our local birth to three program offered in home visits with their therapists which I cleared with licensing and then told parents. I had a great group if parents and they all had been with me since before my son was born, so they were all very supportive.

We started when my son was 6 months and stopped when he aged out. Once aged out my son qualified for special education pre-k class at a local elementary school where he continues his therapies.

Is there any birth to 3 program like this in your area? Ours is run by ACCA.

[Denali]

Also, there are none profites in town that can pick up individuals (including kids) and take them to their doctor appointments And therapies. Your child's Doctor or maybe a local children's doctor should be able to help you find them.

[Nisaryn]

Is he puking when he cries?

No he does not puke. When I went to pick him up though I could hear him through the door. It was one of those whiney, whimpering cries...the kind a kid does when he has hurt himself (not saying he WAS hurt or that she hurt him, just that that is what it sounded like) and it IS an annoying sound. I was just hopeful that she would try for longer given his situation

[Nisaryn]

I really wish I had advice, but but I don't. Hopefully you can find a place where he can adjust. I do think the calling for pick up daily shows you that it really wasn't the best fit for him though. Does the college you will be working for have a daycare program that he can get into? Many do since they have early childhood education programs.

Unfortunately they do not since I was only working for 25hrs a week as a part time appointment. The main reason I aimed for part-time work only was because I knew he might need shorter hours in care to get used to it so I was only going to be scheduled for 5 hours a day at most. My peers already knew about my sons IFSP and his appointments and were willing to work around them.

[Nisaryn]

How old is your son? At this point, with the care that he needs, I might just make some sacrifices and stay at home until he is at school. Help him become adjusted as much as possible, attend play groups, do whatever is suggested, so that he can have a great start in school. Then you can work.

It's not an easy solution, but you have to remember that if your son is screaming, it's a stressful situation for him, too.

I have looked into some playgroups over the weekend and found one that meets daily nearby. So I have signed up for that. I can also utilize drop in care at the on-base CDC the problem is that it most likely won't be often because it fills us SUPER fast so that might not work out. I've only ever been able to get him in three times for just 2hrs at a time and he did fine at those which is why I was so confused over this. :/ I talked it over with my husband and he agrees with ya'lls opinions and that I just need to keep working it from home for a while longer. I'm going to re-open daycare for at least part-time and hourly care since his evening appointments really do make it so I can't stay open.

[Nisaryn]

My son (who is now 4) needed ot/pt/and speech (once he turned 2 yrs old and wasn't talking) when he was younger. Our local birth to three program offered in home visits with their therapists which I cleared with licensing and then told parents. I had a great group if parents and they all had been with me since before my son was born, so they were all very supportive.

We started when my son was 6 months and stopped when he aged out. Once aged out my son qualified for special education pre-k class at a local elementary school where he continues his therapies.

Is there any birth to 3 program like this in your area? Ours is run by ACCA.

Yes we are currently utilizing our local options but since we are military and live in military housing we have to get special approvals for in-home visits etc. they have to make sure any providers are approved for at least part of the Tricare insurance and have access to base facilities etc. the approval process can take a very long time and it is not um-common to be denied the in-home visits unless you have significant needs. We are going to look into it though.

[Unregistered]

Can you find someone to come into your home to watch him while you are at work?

[Nisaryn]

Can you find someone to come into your home to watch him while you are at work?

I can't afford to have a nanny nor can I afford to hire extra help. I live in military housing and we are only allowed to keep 3 kids max no matter what our license says (license allows up to 8) and being in CA they have crazy strict laws about hiring employees...if anyone you hire makes more than $100 a month you have to provide employee benefits etc. it's insane. I'm just going to offer part time care only and hourly care.