Talk Me Down!!!!

[Thriftylady]

I am livid talk me down and offer advice.

Keep in mind here that my youngest DCB is 5. They are all older.

We went to the park today and I found out that at least two of my kids spit in the faces of other kids, just because. The rest knew about it and no one came to me, I heard it from a parent at the park. We came home and the youngest two that do not write are down for naps. The others are writing letters to their parents. They ALL know better, I don't allow spitting of any kind here, not even "raspberries" and they all know it. I honestly would term them ALL right now, and never take another SA kiddo. But of course I can't do that when that seems to be all I get calls for.

I am so angry I can't even think straight. We go on a field trip every week, I took away the one tomorrow. I may take away more, because they sure don't seem to know how to act when I take them places. I am also considering typing up a letter for parents at pick up saying future behavior like this will mean a call to pick up immediately.

Advice? Calming words?

[midaycare]

Maybe it was just an off day? Even my best kiddos have those odd days where they are easily influenced and make bad choices.

[laundrymom]

Unacceptable.

Have them write the letters. Make them miss the trip. Period.
Try again maybe in two weeks for half the regular time. If they misbehave, call for pickup.
Send the letter detailing today's event and your plan of correction.
I bet $$ that if it means a call for pickup the parents will make sure it's not repeated.


Oh wow.
I'd be livid too.

I am livid talk me down and offer advice.

Keep in mind here that my youngest DCB is 5. They are all older.

We went to the park today and I found out that at least two of my kids spit in the faces of other kids, just because. The rest knew about it and no one came to me, I heard it from a parent at the park. We came home and the youngest two that do not write are down for naps. The others are writing letters to their parents. They ALL know better, I don't allow spitting of any kind here, not even "raspberries" and they all know it. I honestly would term them ALL right now, and never take another SA kiddo. But of course I can't do that when that seems to be all I get calls for.

I am so angry I can't even think straight. We go on a field trip every week, I took away the one tomorrow. I may take away more, because they sure don't seem to know how to act when I take them places. I am also considering typing up a letter for parents at pick up saying future behavior like this will mean a call to pick up immediately.

Advice? Calming words?

[Controlled Chaos]

I think the letters home and loss of a field trip sounds reasonable.

Take a breath. Kids make bad choices. :hug: I would give them less freedom on future field trips. Even though they are SA I would make sure I can see them at all times and to have them come stand/sit next to you if there are any behavior issues. No warnings.

[NightOwl]

I understand why you're so angry. You feel like their behaviors reflect poorly on you. I would feel the same way. I think you're doing the right thing. Writing letters to the parents is a good idea. It forces them to own what they did.

Make them miss a trip or two, but what about the ones who didn't participate in the deed? I'd hate for them to miss out.... Could you maybe take them on the trip but have the offenders sit out on the fun? Or not go on the trip and do something extra special for the innocent ones to make up for it?

Kids have off days and experiment with what they can get away with, but don't let it slide. That'll just open the door for it to happen again or escalate.

If you know the children who were the victims of the spitting, maybe you could have the offenders write a letter to them also, and to their parents, issuing an apology and explaining their punishment. That way the adults in this will see that you take care of business and don't allow such behavior.

[Thriftylady]

I understand why you're so angry. You feel like their behaviors reflect poorly on you. I would feel the same way. I think you're doing the right thing. Writing letters to the parents is a good idea. It forces them to own what they did.

Make them miss a trip or two, but what about the ones who didn't participate in the deed? I'd hate for them to miss out.... Could you maybe take them on the trip but have the offenders sit out on the fun? Or not go on the trip and do something extra special for the innocent ones to make up for it?

Kids have off days and experiment with what they can get away with, but don't let it slide. That'll just open the door for it to happen again or escalate.

If you know the children who were the victims of the spitting, maybe you could have the offenders write a letter to them also, and to their parents, issuing an apology and explaining their punishment. That way the adults in this will see that you take care of business and don't allow such behavior.

I didn't know the parents or the children. I wish I did, because that is a great idea. I did tell the father that I would take care of this issue.

[Blackcat31]

I am livid talk me down and offer advice.

Keep in mind here that my youngest DCB is 5. They are all older.

We went to the park today and I found out that at least two of my kids spit in the faces of other kids, just because. The rest knew about it and no one came to me, I heard it from a parent at the park. We came home and the youngest two that do not write are down for naps. The others are writing letters to their parents. They ALL know better, I don't allow spitting of any kind here, not even "raspberries" and they all know it. I honestly would term them ALL right now, and never take another SA kiddo. But of course I can't do that when that seems to be all I get calls for.

I am so angry I can't even think straight. We go on a field trip every week, I took away the one tomorrow. I may take away more, because they sure don't seem to know how to act when I take them places. I am also considering typing up a letter for parents at pick up saying future behavior like this will mean a call to pick up immediately.

Advice? Calming words?

*disclaimer* I'm just looking at this from a parent perspective....


If I went to pick up my child from daycare after work and you told me that my child spit on another child's face while at the park and that another parent at the park told you about it, my first question would be WHERE were you when this happened and WHY did you not see it yourself but instead had to be told by another parent?

Like I said, I am not trying to be argumentative as I wasn't there (neither were your DCP's) so they are probably going to wonder the same thing.... so I am just trying to get all the facts. But from what you posted, this sounds like a supervision issue and only a small behavior issue as PP said, kids make bad choices and do silly/stupid things.

I'd notify the parents for sure as spitting is not acceptable behavior. I'd also cancel any additional trips anywhere until the kids can prove they are responsible enough to go places. At their age, I'd make them a big part of coming up with a reasonable consequence for their choices.

Sorry you had a tough day with your kiddos.

[Thriftylady]

*disclaimer* I'm just looking at this from a parent perspective....


If I went to pick up my child from daycare after work and you told me that my child spit on another child's face while at the park and that another parent at the park told you about it, my first question would be WHERE were you when this happened and WHY did you not see it yourself but instead had to be told by another parent?

Like I said, I am not trying to be argumentative as I wasn't there (neither were your DCP's) so they are probably going to wonder the same thing.... so I am just trying to get all the facts. But from what you posted, this sounds like a supervision issue and only a small behavior issue as PP said, kids make bad choices and do silly/stupid things.

I'd notify the parents for sure as spitting is not acceptable behavior. I'd also cancel any additional trips anywhere until the kids can prove they are responsible enough to go places. At their age, I'd make them a big part of coming up with a reasonable consequence for their choices.

Sorry you had a tough day with your kiddos.

They were in the "climbing structure" and I was on the ground. The other parent been told by their child. I could see parts of the bodies, but not the whole body. And the youngest is 5, they are all SA so I am not right with them every second.

[Blackcat31]

They were in the "climbing structure" and I was on the ground. The other parent been told by their child. I could see parts of the bodies, but not the whole body. And the youngest is 5, they are all SA so I am not right with them every second.

Ah-ha... makes more sense now. Your original post came across as if you literally had no idea.

In my state school aged kids (5 yrs +) can physically leave our property alone and play at the park. I do NOT have to be within sight OR sound of them. The kids just need to know who and where to go for help if needed so I am definitely not knocking your methods of supervising...I was just responding to what you wrote as if I were a parent being told. kwim?

[Josiegirl]

Love that you made them write letters to their parents. I would consider field trips a huge privilege and they'd have to do a he!!uva lot to earn that privilege back. They'd also have to earn your trust. You said at least 2 of them did it, but you don't know about the other 2?

I don't blame you for being livid. I would've been angry also and probably lost it on them. There would be NO fun in my dc for awhile.
This afternoon, within 15 minutes I had a big sister hit and push her little sister 3 times. Then she started crying because it was no fun at my dc and she wanted daddy. Dang right it's no fun when you clobber somebody 3x.

[Thriftylady]

Love that you made them write letters to their parents. I would consider field trips a huge privilege and they'd have to do a he!!uva lot to earn that privilege back. They'd also have to earn your trust. You said at least 2 of them did it, but you don't know about the other 2?

I don't blame you for being livid. I would've been angry also and probably lost it on them. There would be NO fun in my dc for awhile.
This afternoon, within 15 minutes I had a big sister hit and push her little sister 3 times. Then she started crying because it was no fun at my dc and she wanted daddy. Dang right it's no fun when you clobber somebody 3x.

As far as I can tell my other three kids didn't actually spit. The last two kiddos just left and one was involved and told her mom the other kid spit at her first. This is the first I heard of that, and she has been known to fib so I don't know. I did tell mom that if that happened, DCG should have came to me first instead of spitting. But I don't believe it happened that way, because it seems I would have heard that. And I think this girl did it to "copy cat" the boy that did it, because she is like that. She for some reason likes to "copy" the others. She does it drawing and coloring and sometimes in behavior. I am trying to nip that in the bud, but so far she is stuck in this stage.

[Thriftylady]

Ah-ha... makes more sense now. Your original post came across as if you literally had no idea.

In my state school aged kids (5 yrs +) can physically leave our property alone and play at the park. I do NOT have to be within sight OR sound of them. The kids just need to know who and where to go for help if needed so I am definitely not knocking your methods of supervising...I was just responding to what you wrote as if I were a parent being told. kwim?

Well I didn't have any idea, until I heard about it. They were up there playing, well I thought that was all that was going on.

[grandmom]

I say take them back to the park and make them sit the entire time.

In my "dreams" I'd make them hold a sign that said:

I spit in someone's face yesterday here at the park. Please let me apologize to you personally.

haha

Of course, you'd likely get in trouble with licensing, so just a dream.

[Mike]

I think you're handling it pretty good, and kids do make mistakes, and once one does something, others quickly follow.

I say take them back to the park and make them sit the entire time.

I like this idea too.

[Thriftylady]

I say take them back to the park and make them sit the entire time.

In my "dreams" I'd make them hold a sign that said:

I spit in someone's face yesterday here at the park. Please let me apologize to you personally.

haha

Of course, you'd likely get in trouble with licensing, so just a dream.

Well I can tell you if it had been my child(ren) they probably would have gotten a couple of good swats right there in front of everyone.