Help... Potty Training...

[Denali]

Update

So dad has been dropping off dcb earlier and earlier.

Today at drop off Dad said dcb did a big poop on the potty this morning just before coming for him. Then told me that he really just needs to go here, so he can start his new school (dad seems to really love telling me this). I tried really hard to resist saying anything but couldn't stop my self...

I Told him that dcb sits on the potty for up words of five minutes or until I ask if he's done, then dcb Will say yes and get up and be done with the potty without actually going.
Dad got all tightlipped, I could tell he was frustrated with me, and told dcb, not once looking at me, that they were going to get him lots of big fancy ice cream treats if he goes on the potty today and an airplane ride this weekend. 🙄

Dcb sat on the cough and had an accident around 11am. Put him in a pull up until after nap. Left him to himself, no reminders or potty talk. He never used the bathroom. Mom comes at 5:15 for pick up and asks me how he did today. Which I told her "the same. Oh, Here's August's bill." She takes the bill and puts it in her purse, and tells dcb that he really needs to use the potty here like he does at home. They leave...

Only to come back at 5:33pm (3 minutes after my closing time) I answered the door because I'm waiting on a late pick up thing it's the other dcb's mom, only for it to be them.

Dcm tells me that "they were around the corner getting gas, and dcb told her that he had to go potty. So she figured that this would be a great opportunity for dcb to use my potty! If it was ok?

I of course said yes. They go in, I tell her that dcb's little potty is in the bag in the bath tub, put away for the night. She starts pulling it out and setting it up, and I tell mom that Leo will sit on the big potty here, but just won't go.

Mom doesn't listen and gets dcb on his little potty chair, and he sits, and sits, smiling at mom and waiting....

Mom starts telling him "go ahead, go potty like you do at home." Than telling me "he usually goes so quickly at home." That "go ahead dcb, I'm listening for you to pee!" And tells me that "you have to listen for him to go or he won't go." She rotates from telling dcb to go potty and telling me that he's taking so long here for some reason, than starts telling me that her ex-husband used to be pee shy, if anyone could her him he'd get 'stage fright' and so on.

Finally she tells dcb that if he goes potty that that she'll get him his favorite ice cream treat. I throw in that "yes I've been reminding him that dad said he'd get ice cream and a plan ride this weekend." Dcb cuts me off and says " no plane! I want worms!" Mom response "oh I'm sorry honey, we don't have gummy worms..." Gets a look from dcb and she says "... But we can get some later if you go potty!"

And you know what? Dcb went pee. Finally they leave, after mom was all like "see just like at home!" And tells dcb "now you can do this tomorrow."

It's 5:56pm. It took that long.

So, what I learned? Dcb is holding his pee as a hostage. It's a big power struggle. he will only go if his demands are met, because he doesn't care if he wets himself.

DH made a good observation that it was mom that was taking him potty. We've been told by dad that he won't go potty for dad at all.

If I hadn't just gotten a 2-week notice from another family (the 2 dcb's that were supposed to leave end of August are now leaving August 3rd) I'd just term...

Just started advertising for 3 spaces. 😪

[Leigh]

Update

So dad has been dropping off dcb earlier and earlier.

Today at drop off Dad said dcb did a big poop on the potty this morning just before coming for him. Then told me that he really just needs to go here, so he can start his new school (dad seems to really love telling me this). I tried really hard to resist saying anything but couldn't stop my self...

I Told him that dcb sits on the potty for up words of five minutes or until I ask if he's done, then dcb Will say yes and get up and be done with the potty without actually going.
Dad got all tightlipped, I could tell he was frustrated with me, and told dcb, not once looking at me, that they were going to get him lots of big fancy ice cream treats if he goes on the potty today and an airplane ride this weekend. 🙄

Dcb sat on the cough and had an accident around 11am. Put him in a pull up until after nap. Left him to himself, no reminders or potty talk. He never used the bathroom. Mom comes at 5:15 for pick up and asks me how he did today. Which I told her "the same. Oh, Here's August's bill." She takes the bill and puts it in her purse, and tells dcb that he really needs to use the potty here like he does at home. They leave...

Only to come back at 5:33pm (3 minutes after my closing time) I answered the door because I'm waiting on a late pick up thing it's the other dcb's mom, only for it to be them.

Dcm tells me that "they were around the corner getting gas, and dcb told her that he had to go potty. So she figured that this would be a great opportunity for dcb to use my potty! If it was ok?

I of course said yes. They go in, I tell her that dcb's little potty is in the bag in the bath tub, put away for the night. She starts pulling it out and setting it up, and I tell mom that Leo will sit on the big potty here, but just won't go.

Mom doesn't listen and gets dcb on his little potty chair, and he sits, and sits, smiling at mom and waiting....

Mom starts telling him "go ahead, go potty like you do at home." Than telling me "he usually goes so quickly at home." That "go ahead dcb, I'm listening for you to pee!" And tells me that "you have to listen for him to go or he won't go." She rotates from telling dcb to go potty and telling me that he's taking so long here for some reason, than starts telling me that her ex-husband used to be pee shy, if anyone could her him he'd get 'stage fright' and so on.

Finally she tells dcb that if he goes potty that that she'll get him his favorite ice cream treat. I throw in that "yes I've been reminding him that dad said he'd get ice cream and a plan ride this weekend." Dcb cuts me off and says " no plane! I want worms!" Mom response "oh I'm sorry honey, we don't have gummy worms..." Gets a look from dcb and she says "... But we can get some later if you go potty!"

And you know what? Dcb went pee. Finally they leave, after mom was all like "see just like at home!" And tells dcb "now you can do this tomorrow."

It's 5:56pm. It took that long.

So, what I learned? Dcb is holding his pee as a hostage. It's a big power struggle. he will only go if his demands are met, because he doesn't care if he wets himself.

DH made a good observation that it was mom that was taking him potty. We've been told by dad that he won't go potty for dad at all.

If I hadn't just gotten a 2-week notice from another family (the 2 dcb's that were supposed to leave end of August are now leaving August 3rd) I'd just term...

Just started advertising for 3 spaces. 😪

Girl, you have to stop letting that kid pee all over your house! He can wear pull ups and still use the potty. You should not be letting him go on your couch. You need to tell DCM that unless she's giving you $1500 for a new couch, her kid will be in pull ups at your home until he is FULLY potty trained at YOUR home.

[Snowmom]

Girl, you have to stop letting that kid pee all over your house! He can wear pull ups and still use the potty. You should not be letting him go on your couch. You need to tell DCM that unless she's giving you $1500 for a new couch, her kid will be in pull ups at your home until he is FULLY potty trained at YOUR home.

Denali, I understand being supportive to the families we care for, I really do. But, you need to look out for your interests as well.
You didn't get paid for that extra 1/2 hour they were in your home, taking up your free time.
You are putting in extra effort, extra time and extra cleaning because they are trying to force you to do their parental dirty work.. without extra pay.

Require dcb to be in protective clothing (pull up or other absorbent protection) until completely potty trained or at least two weeks accident-free.
Don't attempt to start potty training unless all the signs of readiness are present. That includes being able to independently announce the need to use the potty as well as independently USE the potty (pull his own pants up/down).

Since they've already told you they're going to leave, I'd start buckling down on your requirements before you make yourself crazy with this!

[Denali]

I know.... I know....

It's not a really big thing if he has an accident on the couch, the love seat has a crib mattress protection cover on it along with a crib sheet. All I have to do is pull it up and replace with a clean set. I don't tell people this, it's simply a way to protect my couch.

I've been asking for more pants all week, today I have one more pair here, and they haven't brought me any, and i believe the line of thinking is that I'll be forced to put in more effort if I have no clothes for him.

I talked to DH last night. He said we'd find a way to make our bills if they pull before we can replace. So if they come with no extra clothes than I'll be putting dcb in a pull up as soon as dad is out the door. I'll be having a talk with mom about that dcb isn't ready if he's not going potty for anyone other than her and can't at least initiate potting himself, we've been doing this for 4 weeks now, he's not trained, he's not ready. That I'd be willing to start assisting them in potty training him here when he is going potty for someone other than her in public restrooms for a few weeks. Until than he'll have to be in pull ups here, that I'll include him in potty breaks like I have been.

Thank you everyone for the advice.

[laundrymom]

First of all. Protective cover or not. ewwww. You deserve better.
Second of all. Stop giving them attention. They don't respect you. They don't respect your home. They dont respect your time. (And I sincerely hope that extra half hour is included in their bill this week!!)
They don't respect their own child!
They are forcing him and bribing him and no wonder he's manipulating them. It's all he's ever known.

If he pees his pants that's two weeks accident free before he tries again. And if he pees on your couch, don't let him on there.
One accident is two weeks in diapers. Not two weeks straight. But if he wets a diaper the time starts over. You're stressing way too much about their bad parenting decisions.
If they don't bring clothes they can pick him up nekkid wearing only a pull-up or diaper.
If they don't bring them in the morning send them to the store for more.
Stop allowing them to manipulate you.
You DESERVE better.

I know.... I know....

It's not a really big thing if he has an accident on the couch, the love seat has a crib mattress protection cover on it along with a crib sheet. All I have to do is pull it up and replace with a clean set. I don't tell people this, it's simply a way to protect my couch.

I've been asking for more pants all week, today I have one more pair here, and they haven't brought me any, and i believe the line of thinking is that I'll be forced to put in more effort if I have no clothes for him.

I talked to DH last night. He said we'd find a way to make our bills if they pull before we can replace. So if they come with no extra clothes than I'll be putting dcb in a pull up as soon as dad is out the door. I'll be having a talk with mom about that dcb isn't ready if he's not going potty for anyone other than her and can't at least initiate potting himself, we've been doing this for 4 weeks now, he's not trained, he's not ready. That I'd be willing to start assisting them in potty training him here when he is going potty for someone other than her in public restrooms for a few weeks. Until than he'll have to be in pull ups here, that I'll include him in potty breaks like I have been.

Thank you everyone for the advice.

[JackandJill]

I agree with PP, they are walking all over you, its so disrespectful!!

I would be sending home your training policy, with clear points on what you will do, what you won't do and what is required of the parents and the dcb. I would be calling for early pick up if the doesn't have the required pull ups of change of clothes, or turning away at the door. Time to let them know you are the boss!!

I would not give them one extra ounce of effort and in all honesty, I would be looking to replace ASAP, they sound like a pair of idiotic d-bags!

Hopefully it all work outs well for you :hug:

[Denali]

Dcb had his last accident here, he will be in pull ups for the rest of his time here until parents pull, or he shows more readiness to potty train here.

So tonight will be the uncomfortable talk with mom. I'm prepared for them to not come back and pull because to them as made clear by dad "it will be my fault for not doing my part and having him trained in time for school."

Even though here is not the only place he has trouble going potty. ��

I will also be updating my potty training policy to include that they must show signs of readiness and be accident free to a period of time before they can wear underwear here. Right now I have no potty training policy other then that I'll assist them in training.

Wish me luck...

[NillaWafers]

Dcb had his last accident here, he will be in pull ups for the rest of his time here until parents pull, or he shows more readiness to potty train here.

So tonight will be the uncomfortable talk with mom. I'm prepared for them to not come back and pull because to them as made clear by dad "it will be my fault for not doing my part and having him trained in time for school."

Even though here is not the only place he has trouble going potty. ��

I will also be updating my potty training policy to include that they must show signs of readiness and be accident free to a period of time before they can wear underwear here. Right now I have no potty training policy other then that I'll assist them in training.

Wish me luck...

Good luck!! You'll feel better whatever the outcome. :hug:

[Play Care]

"You're right day care mom, since Timmy only seems to have an issue at my house, I think it best today be his last day and he can be where he has success on the potty."

[JackandJill]

Hope it goes smoothly, for your sake! It will be nice to be done with the back and forth!

[NillaWafers]

How did it go?

[Mike]

Wish me luck...

Good luck

Good choice too.

[ColorfulSunburst]

Their kid still refuses to use even the little potty here and hold it until he gets his neck pull-up on and then saturates it until it overflows.
...
I need advice please....

For me, it is a sign that the kid IS READY for potty training.

[Denali]

Dad dropped off with a bag of clothes at 8:40am. Earliest they have in a long time. Told me that dcb was up at 5am this morning. Dcb of course crying his eyes out.

Mom sent a text asking how dcb was doing close to the end of nap. I Explain that he had an accident and continued to play, tracking and soiling our new play room carpet. Told mom that he was in a pull up now....

She apologized. Agreed that he should be in a pull-ups, that she just didn't understand why he was being this way.

So about 4:45pm dcb is sitting on the couch figgiting, so I ask if he needs to go potty. He actually said yes. So I take him and after sitting on the big potty for a little bit goes pee. He's been wearing a pull up all day, had him put it back on. Mom shows up and the dcb turns to me and tells me he wants his worms. Told him I had gummies only, I'll get him some for his treat, while he tells mom what he did.

So she was happy. Didn't say anything really to me, just showered dcb in praise. I had to say "have a good night." For her to respond "you too!" As they were opening the gate to leave.

Pretty sure I'll be getting told that they're going to be pulling him. I'm disappointed in myself, but couldn't bring myself to ignore the fact that he obviously needed to go but didn't want to stop playing. My mouth opened and I was asking if he needed to go potty before I could think about what I was saying. I will not ask him about the potty and he will be in pull-ups. Tomorrow we'll see, though I usually don't see him Friday's. I may not know until Monday.

If they pull with no notice I do plan to tell them they still owe me the 2 weeks. If they don't pay I plan to take legal action.

Good news is that I've gotten interest in my ad so hopefully I'll get interviews set up soon, and they actually show up...

What I really want to do is just write up an email and explain that I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give them a 2 week notice. But then I feel petty. I don't really have an actual real reason to term other then that they are going to be pulling soon.

[Denali]

After having more time a thin about it, and having lined out a few interviews for this weekend, I think I want to give this family notice. They have been disrespectful of my home and property, and I can't deal with the stress of waiting for them to give me notice on they're terms and when they are done with me. I want to be done.

How should I do this? I require a 2 week written notice to end care, they have paid up to the end if July. Should I redo their August bill with what they'll owe me for just the one week if August?

This will be the first time I give notice to anyone that has told me that they are planning on pulling. These next few weeks are the busiest time for families looking for care, I don't want to miss out...