How Do You Know When a Child Needs More?

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  • Leigh
    Daycare.com Member
    • Apr 2013
    • 3814

    How Do You Know When a Child Needs More?

    I have a child who turned 4 last month. He just spent 5 days with me (24/7). I have thought there might have been some developmental issues, but his birth to three screens were always good. He used to have Headstart doing weekly home visits, as well, and they raved at how smart he was.

    I don't see it. He has a hard time understanding directions-he asks constantly for you to explain what you want or just stands, frozen in confusion. When getting in or out of a vehicle, he'd whine "I can't". He can't put ANY clothing on the right way-it is ALWAYS backwards, after coaching him many times, still always backwards.

    I have always been concerned with the way he talks-his ONLY tone of voice is whine. He'll shriek at any threat or anything minor (if he THINKS another child may hit him or throw something at him, or if he stubs his toe-it's shrieking or screaming).

    This weekend, he attended 4th of July celebrations with us, and whined the entire time that he wanted to leave. He didn't want to watch the parade, didn't want to watch the fireworks, didn't get excited about what the other kids his age were into.

    He has a VERY limited list of things he will eat. He often skips meals here because there is nothing he's willing to put in his mouth.

    This weekend, he tipped out of his chair at least a dozen times onto the ground. A chair on a flat surface. He'd just tip over sideways and lay on the ground, shaking, until someone picked him back up. I honestly don't even know how he managed to do that once, let alone over and over.

    I've had this kid in my daycare since he was about 16 months old. He was removed from his parents' care due to abuse and neglect. I strongly suspect that his mother used drugs and alcohol while pregnant, as well.

    This kid is a very good kid-I'm not complaining about him. I love him. He rarely has bad behavior (only after parental visits for a few days). He's loving and sweet, and eager to please. The other kids love him, too, because he's so easy to get along with.

    My concern is that I feel that things are just "not right" with him. I did discuss play therapy with his aunt (who has custody), and suggested that it could help him cope with feelings related to visits with his bio mom (they tell him that his aunt is NOT his mommy and that he is to call her by her first name, NOT mommy-it confuses him terribly. He will be raised to adulthood by this aunt, and the family stuff is just the tip of the iceberg). These things I've observed were seen before visits with his bio started (she had been in prison-visits started in the last couple months).

    Anyway, play therapy has at least a 3 month wait list, according to aunt. Meantime, I hate to tell her that there is something "wrong" with him and ask her to have him evaluated. I suggested therapy to help him with these feelings, but also because I feel the therapist will pick up on these quirks immediately and push her to go further with evals.

    Would you think what I've described is just a kid whose not caught up, or would you think that he needs some extra help? I'm sure that the past trauma contributes, but I think there is something biological going on as well. Opinions?
  • Controlled Chaos
    Daycare.com Member
    • Jun 2014
    • 2108

    #2
    That's super hard.

    Me? I would probably tell the aunt what you saw over those 5 days that were not typical 4yo behavior. I would ask that she take him to a dr by xx date so that he can get the services he needs.

    :hug:

    Comment

    • AmyKidsCo
      Daycare.com Member
      • Mar 2013
      • 3786

      #3
      The falling out of his chair shaking would have me concerned.

      The other behavior could be learned behaviors. I had a 4.5 yr old who couldn't do anything herself because her parents did everything for her, and she turned on the whiney voice as soon as mom walked in because it worked on mom.

      I could see everything you listed as behaviors that have worked for him at home, except the chair thing. That would have me concerned... Unless you think he did it for attention?

      Comment

      • EntropyControlSpecialist
        Embracing the chaos.
        • Mar 2012
        • 7466

        #4
        Originally posted by Controlled Chaos
        That's super hard.

        Me? I would probably tell the aunt what you saw over those 5 days that were not typical 4yo behavior. I would ask that she take him to a dr by xx date so that he can get the services he needs.

        :hug:
        Yes. Absolutely this.
        "Here's a list of red flags I noticed during his stay with me. Have you noticed similar things at home? Please discuss this with his Doctor as these are not typical behaviors for a child around the age of 4."

        We are these children's advocates. I do NOT subscribe to the "it's not my job to say something" train of thought. EVERY preschool and daycare around me does. MY WORD it is frustrating (as you can probably tell by my random rant).

        Symptoms of FAS closely mimic ADHD. You might google and see if any of them fit him. If he is on the lower end of the FAS spectrum then his Aunt might be taking care of him for a lot longer than she anticipated.
        Our son had drug and alcohol exposure from his bio mom as well. Thankfully, for our sanity's sake, he is on the higher end of the spectrum and is living somewhat successfully (for him) with his girlfriend.

        Comment

        • EntropyControlSpecialist
          Embracing the chaos.
          • Mar 2012
          • 7466

          #5
          Originally posted by EntropyControlSpecialist
          Yes. Absolutely this.
          "Here's a list of red flags I noticed during his stay with me. Have you noticed similar things at home? Please discuss this with his Doctor as these are not typical behaviors for a child around the age of 4."

          We are these children's advocates. I do NOT subscribe to the "it's not my job to say something" train of thought. EVERY preschool and daycare around me does. MY WORD it is frustrating (as you can probably tell by my random rant).

          Symptoms of FAS closely mimic ADHD. You might google and see if any of them fit him. If he is on the lower end of the FAS spectrum then his Aunt might be taking care of him for a lot longer than she anticipated.
          Our son had drug and alcohol exposure from his bio mom as well. Thankfully, for our sanity's sake, he is on the higher end of the spectrum and is living somewhat successfully (for him) with his girlfriend.
          Facial characteristics only appear if the Mom drank between days 18-23 (or 22). So, many children don't have the typical FAS facial features.
          Also, they are behind cognitively/emotionally until closer to 30...when it seems to sometimes even out.
          For example, our son at 20 is mentally about 12. When he was 17 he was mentally about 11 so he has made progress.

          Everyday Health inspires and empowers people to live their healthiest lives, every day, through trusted, medically reviewed information and expert health advice from the nation's leading healthcare providers and patient advocates. Learn more about health

          Page 2

          Babies with FAS may have the following physical symptoms:
          Low birth weight
          Small size and delayed growth
          Small head
          Small eyes
          Short, flat nose
          Flat cheeks
          Small jaws
          Unusually shaped ears
          Thin upper lip
          Shaking or tremors
          Sight and hearing problems
          Heart defects
          Small, abnormally formed brain
          Minor joint defects that may restrict movement
          Teeth prone to cavities
          Vision problems
          Ear infections

          As the infant grows, other symptoms may develop, including:
          Difficulty eating and sleeping
          Delayed speech
          Learning disabilities

          Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
          Lower IQ
          Intellectual disability
          Poor coordination

          Behavior problems
          Poor ability to control impulses
          Problems getting along with other children

          Children do not outgrow these effects. Teens and adults often experience social and emotional problems. They may develop secondary conditions, which include:
          Problems at school
          Inability to hold a job
          Trouble living independently
          Mental health problems
          Alcohol or drug dependence
          Anxiety disorders
          Difficulty controlling anger
          Legal problems

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