Being On Different Levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

[permanentvacation]

Unregistered,

Yes. You understand what I'm saying. What you said about the privileged coming to the middle class neighborhood is exactly how I feel. I wasn't 'privileged'. But I was in a higher class than I am now. I have adjusted a bit to being on this level, but not really. I am still that horse that fell into a hole and am scraping away at the wall of the hole to climb out, the whole time just burying myself more with the dirt. I haven't figured out how to pack that dirt down and make steps out of it to climb up out of that hole. Right now, I'm busting my butt trying to get out of that hole, but I just keep just burying myself more. Which, might, like Blackcat said (sort of) just might be making me all but insane!

I have tried a few things to better myself to get myself out of this area. I've tried getting part-time jobs. But something always happens to make me leave the job. The behavior of the manager and another employee was so horrible that they gave me an anxiety attack! So that one didn't work out. I worked at McDonald's and told the top manager that I would work every hour available other than my daycare hours. He let me work at multiple locations to give me as many hours as he could. Well, apparently I wasn't supposed to work at more than one location. So once the managers found out that I was working at other locations, they wouldn't even let me clock in! Instead of getting almost 40 hours per week, I was getting only 3 hours a week because the managers were mad that I was given 'special treatment'!:confused:

No matter what I do or don't do with my daycare, I make a parent mad. I've had a couple of parents lose jobs which made me lose income.

These aren't excuses. It's me trying every thing I can think of but no matter what I do, it backfires!

Maybe I am just too consumed with trying to figure this out. Maybe I need to just stop for a while. Many people say things like 'It will happen when you aren't trying'. Maybe I need to just sit back and stop trying so hard for a while. It's really gotten to the point that the main thing I think about is how can I get my finances in order to move to a better area. So maybe I just need to sit back, relax my mind and see what happens on its own.

[Rockgirl]

I know it reiterated her. I'm agreeing with her. But I added that I can't figure out how to change to get myself out of the rut I'm in and that everything I have tried has just made things worse.

What I meant by you reiterating her was that you still made excuses. Because of someone ELSE, you are stuck......you've even continued doing it throughout the rest of this thread.

Sorry....it's all I see.

[Mike]

This might sound awful simple, but I think you need to seriously think about it.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Work on your needs the best you can, and don't dwell on things you can't change. Right now, you may have a lot of things bothering you, but you have a roof over your head, food on your table, and you're in better health than many others are, so you need to learn to accept what you have and work at making things better, but only at a pace that you can do.

[Controlled Chaos]

This is their social norm. This is what they know, feel comfortable with, grew up with, and on some level "need". This works for them, though it doesn't seem like it. Everyone keeps doing what they are doing until it no longer works for them. Then to try to change is hard many times, lots of roadblocks out there.

I'm responding to your post because I have always been interested in sociology, so I can see where you are coming from. I've also used Maslow's Pyramid in my role I had at a family agency when I was working one-on-one with parents for parenting classes. I used it in a different way though. I used it in regard to children and my theory was/is children's need for love & caring & connection should be considered as part of the bottom level of basic need. Children will not thrive or sometimes survive without "love". It's a basic need.

If you are in the position that you must keep children who are responding to you with FU, etc. you have to try and find a way to reach them. Kids should be able to adapt to different expectations in different places. But that said depending on the stressors in the child's life it may not be an easy task. It's worth a try to calmly teach said child what you expect and why.

As far as trying to rise above poverty for these parents it's not that easy. They may or may not want to "better" themselves. They may easily feel "All is well" and maybe it is.

You seem to come from a different place. You understand and feel there is a different way. I always give this example if someone came to our middle class neighborhoods from a very privileged lifestyle...think millionaires, and they said, "Oh my goodness these children do not have boarding school/private school, and vacations on the Riviera, this advantage, that advantage, etc. Why don't these families rise up? Why don't they want to do better for their children? How can they live in an apartment or a small ranch home. How can they be renters? How can they not provide these things for their children, etc.

We tend to stay where we are comfortable. This is your parents' comfort zone. It is what it is. I do feel how hard this is for you.

Hope things improve overall!

Only thing I will contribute to this thread it this -
Moving into a higher socio economic bracket than you were born into is exceedingly difficult. There are so many barriers. Just because someone is poor and happy doesn't mean they don't want more. It doesn't mean they aren't working to better themselves. PV's posts are often exceptionally classicist. My Dh and I lived below the poverty line for many years when we were first married. I sent my dd to a center. Her daycare provider was not my therapist, nor my social worker. I didn't tell her my dh was going back to school while working 2 jobs. I didn't apologize for sending dd to daycare in stained old hand me downs. We were saving our money for DH's tuition and to buy a house (to do daycare and make more money). None of these things were my provider's business. So she didn't know. Your daycare families personal lives and journey towards self actualization are absolutely non of your business. If they pay and follow your rules great. If they don't replace them.

[Controlled Chaos]

This might sound awful simple, but I think you need to seriously think about it.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Work on your needs the best you can, and don't dwell on things you can't change. Right now, you may have a lot of things bothering you, but you have a roof over your head, food on your table, and you're in better health than many others are, so you need to learn to accept what you have and work at making things better, but only at a pace that you can do.

Posted on my fridge

[Mike]

Posted on my fridge

It's on my bedroom/office wall. I need to remind myself regularly.

[permanentvacation]

That's a big part of the problem. They don't follow my rules - rules I have had for many, many years and were followed with no problem in better class areas. The parents in this area want me to throw all of the rules out of the window and be happy they threw some money at me. Instead of feeling like a respected business owner, they make me feel like a homeless man who should be happy they threw some chump change at me and they simply tell me that they won't give me my chump change (they'll take their kid to another daycare) if I don't let them run all over my rules and policies.

[Thriftylady]

That's a big part of the problem. They don't follow my rules - rules I have had for many, many years and were followed with no problem in better class areas. The parents in this area want me to throw all of the rules out of the window and be happy they threw some money at me. Instead of feeling like a respected business owner, they make me feel like a homeless man who should be happy they threw some chump change at me and they simply tell me that they won't give me my chump change (they'll take their kid to another daycare) if I don't let them run all over my rules and policies.

You only have two choices then, find families that will follow your rules, or don't give the current families a chance to break them. If you enforce your rules they won't have a choice.

I will say that I am quite often very offended by your attitude about poor people. DH and I are in the lower income category, and I am not ashamed of it. That doesn't make us lower class. We both work hard for everything we have and always have. We both grew up poor, and in many ways are much better off than we grew up. DH grew up in foster care because his dad was 67 when he was born. His mom was much younger but didn't read or write well and didn't drive. She couldn't care for him and his younger brother after his dad died. My dad suffered from war trauma and was an alcoholic. When he left mom couldn't even get food stamps, because although he wasn't living with us, they were still legally married so they counted his income. There were times when my mom literally only fed me by scrounging food from grocery store dumpsters. So, I feel like even though we are far from comfortable we have come a long way. Your judgement of people who are doing the best with the hand they were dealt is quite offensive.

And, the way we grew up is the reason we have done everything we can to see our kids have better educations. My son choose not to finish his Associates degree when he was 19 credits short, but we did everything in our power to help him with his education. We are doing the same for our daughter as much as we can. So many of us may not gain a lot for ourselves but put it towards our kids.

[Unregistered]

Rules are pointless without consequences.

[permanentvacation]

Yes, and the consequence is that if I try to enforce my rules, I lose that client.

[permanentvacation]

I didn't mean to offend anyone. I apologize.

[Thriftylady]

Yes, and the consequence is that if I try to enforce my rules, I lose that client.

There should be consequences to the parents from day one. They should know that from day one. If they choose not to follow my rules, I don't need that client.

[Mike]

That's a tough decision, but that's where you have to decide which option you prefer. Maybe just change little by little to get from the style they get now to the style you want.

[Miss A]

PV, I hate to sound mean, because that is not my intention, but all I am reading in this post is just another cry for attention from you. I see that in every post you make, and many times I choose not to read them because of that.

You have stated many times that you believe you deserve better. You believe you deserve a better life, you deserve more money, you deserve a better house. To my way of thinking, that is an entitled attitude. To reach those things you believe you deserve, you have to put in the effort to attain them. Like BlackCat, I worry about your ability to care for children in your home. You have stated before that your meal supplies come from local food shelters, and I personally feel that if you can not afford to feed yourself and the children you choose to care for, you are not in a stable position. Please note, I am not saying accepting help is bad, because it is there for a reason, I just feel that in this situation you are abusing free resources to make a profit. Maybe that means closing daycare and working outside the home. Maybe that means a part time job that you stick with, and keep long term.

You need to stop making excuses for your continued poor behavior. The past is no longer, there is only the present. You need to choose to better yourself in the here and now, and move forward. Your past does not define you any more than anyone elses defines them. You are not exempt from your poor decisions, but you need to let go and move on. Take ownership of your life, and just do you for a while

I also find that you are very judgemental of your clients, and I feel that it is uncalled for when you yourself are in the exact same place in your clients. Is it your place to say they have no desire to better themselves? Do you know what goes on behind closed doors? Have they invited you into their lives to tell them that they need to do better, be better, care more, make more money, get a better job? No, I don't believe they have. I also believe that people attract like people, and that those around you reflect who you are as a person.

Please look within you and start working towards the life you think you deserve. Make yourself proud, make the hard decisions, and earn all the things you want. Stop making excuses, and stop making desperate cries for attention. You have received plenty of it over the past year, and you still continue to seek attention while isolating so many who once cared by choosing to continue to life the lifestyle you claim to abhor.

[CalCare]

I really think you would be better off just working at a center. You can go in, do your job, and go home. You won't have to waste all this effort finding the "right" clients that just apparently don't exist. You go in the morning, you do your circle time, you do snack (that someone else plans and preps), you supervise free play, you do lunch (planned and prepped by the director and the kitchen staff), you sweep, wash hands, sing songs, navigate children through conflicts, and fill out some paper work (maybe), and go home! At home, you will be free from weird clients being in your space or having to clean up your kitchen every 2 hours (!) or have random nutty phone calls and emails from craigslist ad responses! I honestly think you should evaluate the pros and cons of working from home versus working at a center- for you, at this time, in this place, for your life- which really is better? In some cases working from home works, but in some, it doesn't. If pros are: setting rules (Can't count that if it isn't happening), setting hours (can't count that if the parents are deciding their hours), choosing the best most wanted clients (clearly can't count that- you take all the crazies). So what "pros" are even left? All that's left are the cons: instability of income (clients come and go), working alone (I really think you need social interaction - as do we all!), having no help (you'll get an extra hand at least SOME of the time in a center)... see what I'm getting at? At least, just right out the pros and cons- and do it honestly. Because BS-ing it is only BS-ing yourself!