Parents On Cell Phones

[permanentvacation]

I find it very rude, disrespectful to me, disrespectful to their child, shows no interest in their child for the fact that their child has missed them all day long and is excited to see them, shows complete lack of interest or care if I need to tell them about something that happened at daycare that day, etc.

The fact that this particular parent is on the phone every morning and every evening irritates me to no end. It makes me feel completely insignificant and that she feels her child is insignificant as well.

However, I know that if I say something to her, she'll just find another daycare. The parents in my area don't want to be told any rules. And their lack of care for their children and lack of respect for me makes me absolutely hate having them as clients.

[permanentvacation]

I am realizing that I care too much. The fact that these parents don't care about their kids really deeply upsets me. The fact that they bring their children to daycare when a parent or BOTH parents are home deeply hurts me for their child. I can't fathom how a parent truly doesn't want their child around them at all all day long when they are off work. They still get up early and bring their child to me from the very minute they are scheduled to arrive until the very minute they have to come get the child.

The fact that I care about their child's needs more than they do is why I am trying to teach parents how to be parents. And, like my sister told me last night, that's not my job. If the parent wants to leave their child at daycare all day even though they are home, if the parent wants to be on the cell phone the entire time they are bringing their child into daycare and picking them up and continue being on that phone ignoring their child for the next 5 hours, it's not my business.

I need to learn how to not care about the fact that the parents are breaking their own children's hearts. I need to learn to say 'Oh well, that's the way the parent wants to raise their child.'

I need to realize that the parents are not going to change because I tell them my opinion on how things they do negatively affect their children.

And I need to realize that all I'm really doing is making the parents mad at me which then makes them leave my daycare to find another daycare that doesn't care that they obviously have no interest in their own child.

[Indoorvoice]

The only time it bothers me is if they're sitting in my driveway talking and not coming in. In which case I will bring their child out and wave goodbye. Even if it's before their scheduled time.

[Cat Herder]

Have you ever watched that video "It's not about the nail." ?

Maybe all of these issues are related to your stress level. :hug:

Time to simplify.

[permanentvacation]

I have a few parents that will sit in their car on their phone. That does bother me some. It mainly bothers me because their child often sees their car and starts getting excited and then since their mom takes so long to get to my door the child gets upset and I have to deal with the child's emotional roller coaster. If the parent would simply park a block down from my house to finish their phone call, it wouldn't upset the child to see them outside but not coming in to get them.

[Leigh]

When my son was in daycare, I was working from 6:30AM til 4:45 PM In that 15 minutes that I had to drive to pick up my child, I'd talk to CPS (I'm a foster parent), make doctor appointments, WIC appointments, the bank-anyone else who was closing at 5PM and that I couldn't talk to during the day. Because of this, I think that MAYBE that cell phone call is important, and don't sweat it. I don't think I've had a parent come in on their cell more than twice, and it's pretty rare for one to sit in the driveway on the phone, either. However, it can be tough to try to balance work/kids/responsibilities, and I usually let the little things go.

[permanentvacation]

I just watched the nail video. No, I don't just want to complain. No, I don't want someone to 'poor baby' me. I want to learn how to pull the freakin' nail out of my head without me bleeding to death. I don't want someone else to pull the nail out of my head for me. I want to be the one to pull the nail out, but I can't figure out how to pull it out without bleeding to death. So I need advice on how to pull it out for myself without bleeding to death. And so far, everything that people have suggested that I've tried just makes me bleed to death.

I've tried enforcing my rules. That just makes parents leave my daycare because they want to run the show themselves and want to treat licensed daycare providers like babysitters who work for them rather than respect us as business owners who have policies.

I've tried holding parent meetings. That just irritates them because of the above reasons and they don't want me taking their time to bother them discussing their child.

I've tried just mentioning things quickly to them at pick up time. They just don't care about anything I say regarding their child or my policies.

I've tried pretty much everything that people have suggested other than to simply stop trying to enforce rules, and stop trying to tell the parents anything about their child. Because that goes so much against everything that I stand for; the children's needs and being shown respect by my clients.

I'm the nurture, love, emotions matter type person. But I need to become just money hungry. I need to stop letting my emotions get in the way of my need for income. I need to get it through my thick skull that the majority of the parents in my area are not concerned about their child's daily needs, education, interests, manners, etc. I need to learn....

Okay, you guys know Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, right?

The bottom of the pyramid is Physiological. That is the very basic of needs that people need to survive. On that level are things like breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, etc.

The next level is Safety. That has things like security of employment, family, health, property, etc.

Then it's Love/Belonging which has things like friendship, intimacy, etc.

Then Esteem which has things like having self-esteem, confidence, showing respect for others and having respect for yourself, etc.

The top level of the pyramid is Self-Actualization. That includes things like morality, problem solving, creativity, acceptance of facts, etc.

While writing this reply, it occurred to me that the problem with my daycare clients and me might be that we are on different levels of the pyramid. Someone replied to my post by saying that the parent, sub, daycare provider, and child all need to be on the same page. But if we are not even on the same level of needs on the pyramid, there's definitely going to be problems.

The parents that I'm complaining about and can't figure out how to get to comply with my daycare rules, show up on time, care to hear what I feel the need to tell them about their child, etc. are on the lowest two levels of Moslow's Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid and I'm trying to work with and teach their children on the top two levels of the pyramid. These parents are no where near ready or capable of even comprehending the top two levels yet.

Now, since I've been broke for a few years now and have had financially unstable parents because their jobs are unstable, technically I am living at the lower two levels. But I have been at the top level for most of my life. Even though I have financial problems now that put me at the lower two levels, I also still have the knowledge and capability of the things at the top level. So even though I have to go to the food pantry to get free groceries, I am quite capable of having morals, solving problems, having self-esteem, confidence, etc. which are at the top two levels. But, since the parents that I work with are not capable of those top two levels, I am getting thrown all out of whack from years of trying to figure out how to live in a manner that coincides with the top two levels with people that are at the bottom two levels and have never been to the top levels because they've never been ready for those levels in their lives.

[permanentvacation]

Oh, no. The cell phone calls regarding the one parent that I'm talking about is always to her boyfriend. The other parent that sits outside on her phone every couple of days is always talking to a female friend just chit-chatting. I've been out side a few times when she's on the phone and every time that I go ahead and walk her child to her car, she's always just chatting with her friend about 'girl gossip stuff'.

[Cat Herder]

The video was not about that at all.

I am sorry you see it that way. :hug:

That was not my intent.

Hopefully when you watch it again in a few months it will look different.

[permanentvacation]

I watched the nail video, another video about some lady explaining that the video means that the man simply needs to listen to the lady vent rather than try to fix the problem and I read an article saying that the nail video is about people wanting to vent rather than have the problem fixed.

But I don't want to just vent. I want to fix the problem. But every time I try to fix the problem, I just make parents mad, whether I'm teaching the kids, telling parents not to use cell phones, telling parents that the kid was bad or needs help learning.

The only way I can see to fix the problem is to stop communicating with the parents at all. Stop having rules/policies and stop trying to make them obey rules/policies. And certainly stop telling them anything at all about their children.

I don't just want to vent which is what I thought the video meant and what the lady in the other video says it means and what the article says it means. I don't want to just vent and have someone say 'oh poor baby'. I want to fix the problem.

[permanentvacation]

If you don't think it's about wanting to simply vent and have someone listen to your problems, what do you think the video is about?

[SignMeUp]

I think it's saying that there is really a PROBLEM but the woman wants to handle it only by venting/being listened to, instead of addressing the for-real problem.

[Cat Herder]

Sorry for the delay. Internet was out. Not sure how long it will last with these storms.

It was supposed to, first and foremost, make you laugh then look for your biggest nail. Nothing more. No judgement. Fellowship, only.

I laughed to tears the first time I saw it. Self reflection recognized myself in it. I am a control freak in a world of chaos. I learned to let it go before that dumb song. The hard way, of course. ::

Once the big stuff stops feeling so impossible, the rest will feel smaller. Scale back services where you can. Simplify processes. Lower your expectations of others. The only person you can change is you. :hug:

[Cat Herder]

The only way I can see to fix the problem is to stop communicating with the parents at all. Stop having rules/policies and stop trying to make them obey rules/policies. And certainly stop telling them anything at all about their children.

I have felt this way before and can only speak to my solutions.

I limit communications to things I need their help with and anything outside of normal development. I offer the resources they need for those issues then wait. If it is a severe issue, I report or term as needed. I can't force resources on them, that is between them and their pediatrician.

I answer any questions immediately and send home quarterly assessments. Daily communication is unnecessary and leads to drama, IMHO.

I only have rules I will enforce. Pick my battles carefully, ignore the rest. As long as my mortgage is paid this month, I don't care if Mother Sally hides from socialization with adults by pretending to be on the cell phone. It is what people with social anxiety do to avoid confrontation, bully for her.

[permanentvacation]

Hmmm... I never thought that the mother might have social anxiety and could simply be nervous of having to have a small casual conversation with me. Now that I think of it, her mother (the child's grandmother) did a good bit of the talking during the interview. And the few times that Grand mom picked the child up, Grand mom did ask how the child's doing; her behavior, her education, etc. But mom just wants to drop off/pick up and run and is always on the phone. So, yeah, maybe it's a social anxiety thing.